I have been having a very hard time the past week or so and I have written about some of it. After a few days of hardly sleeping and everything compounding on top of me I sorta lost it yesterday. I couldn’t stop crying and I felt suffocated by stress. I was falling apart.
I called my psychiatrist and she brought me in. I started telling her about what was going on and she got pretty nasty with me. Just another doctor bullying me. I’ve been seeing her for over a year now and I am limited to the medicines I can take for a couple of reasons. I have a blood clotting disorder and high blood sugar. There are several medications I cannot take due to those two issues alone. I am not going to take a medication that could further hurt my overall physical health and put me at risk for complications. Many of the other medications I have tried I have had either violent mood swings or an allergic reaction to. I am seriously running out of options here.
She said to me “every time you are here you are in crisis. This is getting old.” First of all that is not true, I actually had almost 3 pretty good months with very mild swings, until now. Then she says “You have to get over all this and start learning how to handle stress, I can’t help you if you aren’t willing to take meds I advise you to take.”
*gasp* I’m even more lost now. It’s not about choice, it’s about not being able to find something that works.