When I got pregnant with my youngest I was devastated.  I did not want another baby, especially at that moment in my life.  It was hard and I was hysterical.  It took me many months to accept him and begin to love him.  Of course when he was born I fell in love with him and all those mixed feelings were gone.  He is my baby.

My delivery was very hard.  He was a couple weeks early and he just wouldn’t come out.  I had no problems with my other children, they were all fairly easy.  This one, he was stubborn.

Finally the doctor decided it was best to continue with a vaginal delivery of him considering he was my fourth delivery, she felt it was safe to move ahead.  It was very hard but we managed to get him to finally move, and it was discovered his cord was around his neck twice.

He was healthy, beautiful, and so sweet.  Just like my other 3, he was perfect.  We had no problems except some jaundice which we had to watch closely.  He ate very well, and took to the breast like a champ.  He loved nursing, in fact, he loved it a little too much.  If he got anxious or upset, he wanted to nurse.  It was his only comfort.  He and I almost instantly bonded with an incredible force that I hadn’t felt with the others.  My other kids it took a little while before that bond was sealed.  With him, it was instant.

I knew he was different.  I could feel it in my heart.  My little one was just not like the others.  He would get very upset and uptight if it was too loud.  If too many people were holding him, he would need me and have to nurse to calm down.  He could not handle stress and I was very in tune to that.  People would get angry when I would get so protective of him and not let them hold him a lot, but I knew my baby would stress out tremendously and it was my job to protect him so I did.

He didn’t develop quite as fast as he should, and he cried a lot for no reason.  He didn’t have colic, but it started to seem as if he had emotional colic.  He would fuss so much I would take him to the doctor certain something was wrong.  The doctor could never find anything wrong with him.  So I eventually just wrote it off as “that’s just him”

At 15 months I noticed he hadn’t met most of his 1 year milestones.  I was concerned but the doctor assumed maybe he was just slower to develop and suggested we give him a couple more months.  We did.  He still did not progress.

He crawled early, walked early, and could even jump on a trampoline on his own at 16 months.  It was remarkable.  He is so loving, full of kisses and hugs.  He loves to cuddle on the couch.  However, by 19 months he was still completely non-verbal and had no communication ability at all.  He didn’t point, wave, show interest in much, and began doing silly little things like walking with his head on his shoulder with his eyes to the side.  The doctor told me she felt he had many characteristics that put him in the autism spectrum and suggested I have him tested.

They did his evaluation  yesterday.  They do not make a diagnoses before the age of two very often, but it was apparent to them with the “scattered progress” he has made along with many other characteristics combined, my child has autism.

I cried a lot, had to take an ativan to calm down, and was deeply hurt.  My perfectly sweet and incredibly smart baby has autism.

I am determined to gather as much information as possible to give him the best chance possible at a good and healthy life.

There is nothing wrong with him, he doesn’t have a problem, and he is healthy.  His brain is just wired a little different than ours, and he is special.  He is my special little guy.  I am proud to love a child with autism.

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Brandon Blietz (June 15, 2011)

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Wellspring (June 15, 2011)

    Last reviewed: 15 Jun 2011