Sometimes, I fall into a rut when my moods are shifting around.  One day I completely adore my husband and shower him with love and affection.  The very next day, I may not even want him to hug me.  That is how quickly my moods can shift, day to day.

I don’t have any massive swings on a regular basis, but sometimes I can really confuse my husband!  He has learned (thank goodness) to pay attention to the mood I am in, and will sometimes even ask me how I’m feeling.  Occasionally, he’ll fuss a little if I lay on the other couch and I am not sitting as close to him as he would like.  He is very eager to welcome the smothering kisses and hugs I give him when I am feeling extra loving and affectionate.

I wish I could explain it better but I can’t.  While it is always there, sometimes it’s really hard to let it show.  If I have an especially rough day, or I am overwhelmed, then I tend to pull away from him more.  When he is home and is able to help with the stress of the kids and housework, I tend to do a lot better.  We are working with this knowledge to try to strengthen our emotional intimacy.

When I take that extra step to make sure that I give him a kiss when he gets home, or tell him I love him, it helps a lot.  We communicate better and have more meaningful conversations.  We also seem to both feel better when the affections are there.  I’ve finally figured out there is a lot more to “intimacy”  than just sex, okay, so maybe it took me a while!  It’s becoming more about showing each other the genuine love that we feel and expressing it by stealing kisses in the kitchen or snuggling on the couch when the kids scurry off to bed.

How affectionate I may feel also has a lot to do with his support with keeping the house running.  A simple task like getting the baby in his pajamas after his bath so I can focus on something else helps me to stay calm and keeps me from feeling too overwhelmed, which in turn fires up my emotional connection with him.

I have to make sure I take the time to reconnect with my husband on the good days, to help us through my harder days.  Keeping that connection open and alive is critical in our marriage.

For me personally, the more affection I am able to share with my husband, the more I feel emotionally strong and stable.  I think through those affectionate moments, I actually find some emotional healing.

Photo by Juliana Coutinho, available under a Creative Commons attribution license.

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    Last reviewed: 2 Mar 2011