I have been meditating for over 50 years. I started when, at five years old, I became fascinated with watching my breath go in and out. I intuitively knew that this and other meditative practices would bring me to a state of ecstasy. It didn’t take long before pursuing that state became the most important thing in my life.
Although I got incredibly close through my efforts in meditation, it wasn’t until I looked for ecstasy in depression that I truly found it. Once I found ecstasy in depression I found it everywhere. My hope is that sharing my experience might help others to find the same insights that I have.
As I watched my breath go in and out I found some dramatic changes in my state of consciousness. I would detach from my body and find myself floating above and looking down at myself sitting there. It was a very pleasurable state, but also very profound in how I viewed the world. I believed that part of me was untouched by the physical world; the part that I now call my soul.
It wasn’t long before my soul separations started encroaching on my waking states. I would often find myself turning the corner and suddenly being in a long tunnel with a light at the end of it. During those experiences time would stand still or at least slow down dramatically. I interpreted these experiences as seeing God.
Stigma, medication, treatment options, recovery, patient rights and physiological basis are some of the most discussed topics regarding bipolar. There are, of course, many other interesting aspects to debate, but it is hard to find any discussions about bipolar that do not include one or more of these central topics.
While it has been very healthy to debate all of them, there is an underlying assumption that must be addressed too.
The paradigm that all of the above topics are based on is that we are incapable of remaining in control when mania and depression reach a certain intensity.
We are therefor not responsible for our behaviors when manic or depressed because it is not possible in those states to choose better ones. This creates the goal of removing bipolar from our lives (at least at higher intensities) and the debate is about how it is best done. Much of the debate about medication, for example, is about alternative methods to achieve the same goal of reducing intensities of mania and depression.
But, what if we could be highly functional while manic or depressed? This idea has so many repercussions that people are afraid to even think about it. Consider what is at stake: If we cannot choose how to respond to the different states because it is impossible for anyone to, in-ability becomes central to the arguments in each of the above topics.
If anyone can choose, the impossibility argument is removed and the discussion becomes either how to function in mania and depression or why some cannot.
My recent article called “Why I Am Against Bipolar Meds” turned out to be less controversial than I expected. Some people refused to read past the title and that is unfortunate because the vast majority of those who commented said that it was a very fair assessment of both sides of the debate. There were several misconceptions, though, that need to be cleared up.
I mentioned the three stages of Bipolar Dis-Order and the three stages of Bipolar IN Order assuming most of the readers are familiar with the terms and my work. Unfortunately, that was not the case for many readers. In trying to keep the article to under 1000 words, I did not go into detail regarding the stages and what I mean by Bipolar IN Order.
This caused confusion for several Psychiatrists who assumed that Self-Mastery means remission. At the other end of the scale were several people with Bipolar Dis-Order who declared that they were in Self-Mastery when their statements seemed to contradict their self-assessment. It seems greater detail of the Bipolar IN Order concept is warranted.
The primary objective for someone with Bipolar Dis-Order is to lower the intensity of mania and depression and move away from Crisis toward Recovery. Bipolar IN Order is about becoming more functional in an expanding range of intensity and moving from Recovery toward Self-Mastery.