Acceptance is key. Depression, anxiety, and many other mental states that people dislike become less troublesome with acceptance.

Our inner and outer circumstances at this instant cannot be altered. We can make decisions to change what happens next, but the current moment is already here. So we have a choice. We can bridle against our immediate situation, and feel rotten; or we can embrace our lives. This does not mean we have to give up our goals and preferences. It just means we have to savor living right now, even in the face of hardship and disappointment.

This applies to emotions as well as events. If we feel depressed or anxious, then for the moment we have to live with depression or anxiety.  It makes sense to take steps to feel less troubled, but it is misguided to hate ‘bad’ moods. We are trained to think that life cannot be appreciated without happiness. But that is not true. If we quit fighting the sadness, and just sit with it awhile, we find that life can still be enriching. In fact, melancholy often feels more textured and more significant than well-fed contentment. If that were not so, no one would write tragic stories.

If we resent the present moment, we cannot feel satisfied with our lives. Tomorrow may promise a romantic evening with the sexiest person we know, but we will remain distressed if we dislike today.  If we regularly reject either our emotions or our environment, then we develop habits of aversion. We learn to fantasize, berate ourselves, worry, overwork, overeat, drink to excess, or do any number of things to escape the feelings and circumstances of the present moment. Most of these activities do not improve our condition, and all-too-often they make everything worse. The more we fight, the more we get bruised.

If we don’t accept the present moment, with all its sorrow, irritations and letdowns, we drift away from real life. We eat dinner with family, but we are thinking of other times and places. We walk in the park, but don’t even hear the birds. We become so adept at escape that we are on the run even when beauty stares us in the face, or love taps us on the shoulder. We become so preoccupied with planning, reviewing, hoping, worrying, regretting, and pining, that we quit living.  Always looking forward or back, trying to make things better or figure out where we went wrong, we forget that life happens here and now.

We do this because we don’t accept. We reject how we feel inside, or our situation outside, or (usually) both. We wish we were happier, wealthier, more successful, less lonesome, and so on. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking, and life is passing by.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches ways to live without avoidance. Buddhism and other spiritual paths have similar goals. Imagine savoring every emotion, every sensation, and every moment.  Doesn’t that sound preferable to wishing things were better?

Comments

This post currently has 14 comments/trackbacks.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

Trackbacks

Acceptance vs Acquiescence « WillSpirit (January 22, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 15 Jan 2010