General

Support my memoir (and me)!

I think birthday's scare me. Most "incidents" have happened around a birthday. My sister's, my mom's, my own. Why is that? Why do I get all miffed around birthdays? I do not know.

But over the years, piece by piece, sentence by sentence, word by word, I accrued what has become one of both the hardest to write and the hardest to read - my memoir: There Comes a Light.

I believe this book paints...
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General

the PSYCH ward

I promised in my last post to tell you about my 5 day stay in the Psych Ward in Madison, TN.

First of all they pissed me off making me wait hours to get up to my floor. I had to talk to a psych doc virtually. He asked the wrong questions and was totally stiff. Good times.

So, I finally got to my floor - Unit A. There, I quickly lost my...
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Bipolar

MIA= MENTAL ILLNESS ATTACK

Hi, readers. I want to apologize for my absence. I had no use of a computer, because, you see, I tried to kill myself Saturday night a week ago.

I honestly don't understand what happened, but it was the same thing that brought me to my years ago.

All day Saturday I was manic. Super happy. Talking too much and too fast. Etc. Then the dark of night came and I decided to take...
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World Bipolar Day and What Bipolar Means To Me

Hi. I am ElainaJ and I have bipolar 1 with psychosis. That means that sometimes I see or hear things that aren't really there. I do not have schizoaffective disorder. I do not have schizophrenia. I have bipolar 1 - with psychosis. A lot of people don't know that people with bipolar disorder can experience hallucinations. Well, we can. Not all the time, often this occurs during mania. I think,...
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Do What You Can

I used to do so much. I was an editor of a lifestyle magazine and managed all that and attended functions like art balls, gallery opening, restaurant opening, happy hours, store openings. If it was going down in Austin, I was probably there.

Then I tacked on a weekly fashion trend spot on a commercial radio station for over 2 years.

Then I snagged a fashion trend TV gig.

Then I moved...
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You Are Not Less Than

When I first got sick, like, really sick, I lost a lot of confidence in myself, in what I could do. I felt like bipolar disorder had stamped me "REJECT." It is hard when you first have symptoms. You don't understand them. Mania can be scary. It still is for me. I lost my job. Had to move in with my parents. Had a shit-ton of appointments with psychological professionals. This was...
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Do NOT Isolate

I belong to a great Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) support group. I meet with them every week. And, save all but one occasion, I usually leave there feeling happy and understood and like I can live another week with this illness in my brain. Fight the fight. Rely on my support network.

Every week we read a sheet of paper about how the meeting will be conducted and then a sheet of...
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Sensitivity And Dating

I've always been a bit sensitive. Yeah, sure I let shit roll off my back, but there were times when just a look could crush my soul. I am a recovering perfectionist (and must say, I am doing pretty well) and as such I cared about what people said, thought, saw.

I believe that those of us who are beautifully bipolar are all a bit more sensitive than the "normals" because we feel...
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General

How Attraction Can Mimic Mania

It is easy for me to get swept up in things - people, ideas, projects. When I get swept up by a guy, I have to watch myself because a kiss is practically manic-inducing. I want to talk to everyone, about everything, just like I do when I am manic. I see the bright side of life (never mind Saturday I was stuck in bed). All of a sudden, the...
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Life Goes On

I broke up with my boyfriend. He had a temper and I would not tolerate being called names, etc. It was hard. I care about him deeply. I worry about him. I want him to be happy.

So, once again I am alone. You know what? Life goes on. There are still guys that are attracted to me. There are still bills to pay. There is still dog food to buy....
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