General

It doesn’t itch.

Unfortunately, I have fallen back upon a compulsion - the 'C' in "OCD." For probably 5 or 6 years now, I haven't done it and I think it is simply the gravity of my life falling down upon my frail shoulders that is causing it.

I have begun to scratch.

I will be listening to music (my favorite thing to do) or watching a movie and all of a sudden I am, like, "OUCH!" I have, unknowingly,...
Continue Reading

Bipolar

Taking the Pills

I take a lot of pills - for my hypothyroidism, my elevated blood sugar, my monthly cycle, and, most importantly for my mind. Anxiety. OCD. Depression. Mania. Psychosis. We've got 'em covered.

Recently, a man has been commenting on my ElainaJ Facebook page. It is a rough translation from Spanish to English, but basically he says I should move on with relationships (after a break-up) and not rely on meds.

Now, if you've been a...
Continue Reading

General

Dating with Mental Illness

If you've read the previous blog, you know that I was confronted by stigma once again. Two ladies at a live music show acted like I had some horrible contagious disease. Please.

So there I am the next afternoon, having a beer with a friend at a great little spot. We had been house-hunting all day in a '95 Corvette convertible. Cool in theory - exceedingly hot in the Southern sun in reality. An ice-cold...
Continue Reading

General

“Oh, hello, Stigma.”

I went to a big city last weekend. I was there with my future roommate to scope out a new place to live. These days of ex-boyfriend dwelling are waning.

We went to a live music show - he snuck me in because we couldn't score tickets. (Don't judge. I was just along for the ride.) We were having a good time, watching the venue fill up, sipping on drinks.

Then we met two foreign chicks...
Continue Reading

Bipolar

Rapid-cycling Bipolar Disorder

When I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, I was termed "rapid-cycling." Now, you must remember, at that time I really had no idea about the illness - depression=YES, bipolar disorder=NO CLUE. In rapid-cycling bipolar disorder the individual experiences 4 or more episodes of mania or depression in a year. Trust me, I meet the criteria. Delving further into definitions of rapid-cycling, I found that I am an ultra-rapid-cycler. This means my mood changes can...
Continue Reading

General

SEX GODDESS

As you know my ex-boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. I didn't write down the date. It's all been a blur of endlessly lonely days. When you live with someone for 4 & 1/2 years, you kind of get used to that energy being in your home. Even if he only wants to play video games and cruise on his tablet. He's there and you're there and you aren't...
Continue Reading

General

Change and Bipolar Disorder

I don't deal with change well. In graduate school I always sat in the same seats. I HATED it when my psychiatry office moved this past winter and my therapist got new furniture. I wasn't always this way. But now I find change stressful.

In the coming months I will be dealing with a ton of changes - new home, new roommate, new city, new state, new therapist, new psychiatrist, new doctor. Phew! That is a...
Continue Reading

General

How Good Therapy Works

I went to therapy today. I saw Gail, my therapist. I sat on her love seat with the pillow propped right in the corner where I like it. My purse sat beside me, an unknowing witness to all my secrets.

I had so much to tell her. I knew where the next stop of this road map that is my life will become. I talked to her about the fact that I just DID...
Continue Reading

Bipolar

Trembling Hands

About a month ago my psychiatrist prescribed for me Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant. I needed a little "umph." I had just been hit hard by the devastating blow of a break-up of a long-term, serious needed help.

I already take Prozac, mainly for the purpose of helping me out with my anxiety and OCD, but it no doubt helps with bipolar depression. Anyway, we added the Wellbutrin. I was told to watch out...
Continue Reading