I’ve had some days now to digest the news of Robin Williams’s passing. It was very triggering for me, having attempted suicide before. Why does one man’s death, a man I never met, have such a profound effect on me? Because if this man, this celebrity who was witty and funny and loved by people all over the world, couldn’t find a reason to go on living, how can I? Will I too lose this battle eventually?
Fame, family, fans – he had them all, but that didn’t stop him from taking his own life. What does it take to keep on living when all you want to do is die?
I’ve been there. I’ve been where he has been. Suicidal. It’s the blackest hole. It sucks all the air from your lungs. It lies to you. It sings to you a song that dying is better than living.
But it isn’t. Living is the good stuff.
Unfortunately, when I allow myself, I picture Robin as he was found after his death and it is horrible. Horrible. It makes me cry. No one should go out like that. No one.
And I find myself wondering what I could have said to him in that dark hour. I think it would be this:
“You are loved. God loves you and will take care of you. Better days are ahead, I promise. I know. I’ve been where you are and all the things that happened in the years since that night I nearly died prove that. I am not promising you sunshine and rainbows today or even tomorrow, but there will be many days in the sun. Pots of gold. You have to be stronger than that voice in your head that tells you it is over. You have to be stronger than you have ever been. All you have to do is get through today. That’s all I ask. And I promise to ask you again tomorrow. And the day after that. One day at a time. That is all you have to do – take it one day at a time.”
* If you or someone you know is having a hard time or are considering suicide, call the LIFELINE at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
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