General

Feeling Weird and Effervescent

Today I feel weird. Really weird. My head is "off." I have taken no new medications or too many or too little. I have been following doctor's orders, but today I don't feel quite right.

I shouldn't have driven today, but I didn't know that 'til I was driving to my therapy appointment. I had a hard time focusing, after all, half my head had come off. I did make it there safely and back, but...
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“Crazy.”


Hi.

My name is Elaina J. and I am certifiably crazy. By definition on - crazy means unusual; bizarre; singular.

I don't do drugs (well, without a prescription note), yet some of you call me "Crazy."

If you knew me well you would know that I like to sleep in, that I wash my hair every other day, and that I savor friendships. I am an amended-chip-o-holic (though sometimes the potato...
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When You Feel Electric

Today is one of those days I have to watch myself. I am agitated. I am fidgety. My mind is jumping from thought to thought.

I miss my partner and the loving relationship we had.

But that is done. On to bigger and better things, right?

My friend says it is the summer solstice. She is feeling it, too. Maybe. Maybe it has to do with the alignments of the sun and the Earth. Maybe it is just...
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What Happened When I Called A Suicide Hotline

I am not perfect - far from it. Sometimes I go to dark places. Sometimes I don't know how to turn to friends and family because I don't want to burden them with my all-consuming sadness. I don't want them knocking on my door while I am in my pajamas. I don't want my mom coming to stay and having to take care of her while I want to die. (As usual, no offense, Mom....
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How OCD Feels

I have diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). My obsessions revolve around germs, numbers, and running over people with my car (or while in someone else's). It all started with the numbers. I became obsessed with 2's, then it was multiples of 5. To this day, the volume on any electronic device must be adjusted to a multiple of 5, like 15 or 20. Yes, sometimes it is too loud, but that is the price...
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One Size Does Not Fit All

I am sure if you had the opportunity that you might ask me what my mental health regimen is - what medications in what dose I take, how often I submit to psychotherapy, and how often I see my psychiatrist (among other things).

I am wearing a pair of jean capris a few sizes smaller than my skinny jeans. There are no standard sizes in womens' clothing. Did you know that? I studied apparel design...
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How break-ups pale in comparison to break-downs

Not to beat a dead horse, but for those of you new around these parts, I am coming out of a devastating break-up. One week he said he never wanted to break-up, the next he was texting about going our separate ways.

I was devastated, like, cry to your mom, then your best friend, then your grandma on the phone. He, who had been my rock through this tumultuous sea that is mental illness,...
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Even when things are shitty…

I've had a hard couple of months.

First the boyfriend dumps me via text saying we should "go our separate ways."

Then the best friend tells me she can't deal with the drama (to put it succinctly). She is tired about hearing about my break-up.

Fine.

In the meantime, I am trying to survive. See friends. Get out of my house. Pack. Therapy - lots of therapy. Look for an opportunity to split. Spend time with family.

It's like...
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