As per my last post, I dealt with some major depression this week. I probably slept more than I was awake. It was rough, to say the least. I appreciate each and every comment that was posted but wanted to address a few for all readers now.
I have what is defined as “rapid-cycling” (or even “ultra-rapid-cycling”) bipolar disorder. What this means is that I have at least four (HA!) episodes of mania or depression in a year. I laugh because my moods are much more subjective than four times a year. My moods can change drastically in a short amount of time. I can be having a fine afternoon, like I did Sunday, then become increasingly irritable (the start of this depressive episode) by the evening. Then wake up to find that scum-bag Depression waiting for me.
The same things goes for mania – though usually there is a trigger, a stressor. I can be totally “normal” in the morning and by the afternoon be literally jumping up and down with energy and ideas and amazing-ness!
I’ve actually written a post, “When Depression Feels like the Flu.” And yes, it can come on just as quickly. I know this isn’t true for all those of us with bipolar disorder or even depression, but it is true for me.
To address the comment that I should be grateful for what I have and that I have no reason to be depressed. It doesn’t work like that. It is a mental illness which means that the mind is sick and in being so, all my blessings aren’t enough to keep my brain from telling me life is hopeless. I understand where you are coming from and for some people depression is situational, but in this case it wasn’t. I wasn’t merely sad or feeling sorry for myself.
I was depressed.
I am feeling a bit better, thank you for all your concern. I saw my therapist on Wednesday and admitted my dark thoughts and tried to express how I had been feeling for the past few days. She reminded me that, just like every other time, this dark time would pass. I just had to stay safe and let myself be supported by my family, boyfriend, and friends. So, that is what I am doing.
Sleeping, talking, and forcing myself to leave the house from time to time. It will get better. It always does.
Image courtesy of winnond at FreeDigitalPhotos.net