General

Don’t Be Ashamed

I used to be afraid to tell people that I had bipolar disorder. I was ashamed. I thought bipolar disorder was a dirty, dark secret. I thought I was less than everyone else because I was sick. I felt like people wanted me to shake it off and get back to being the Elaina J that I used to be. I had to set up walls and guard them fiercely so no...
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Emotional Support Animals

I got my Bernese Mountain Dog, Hope, in November of 2008. She was born the day I was released from the psych ward in California. After I tried to kill myself and nearly succeeded. I saw this as a sign.

My parents wanted me to get a dog and I wasn't sure I could handle the responsibility. You have to understand that at that time I was emotionally frail. I had a hard...
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Who Am I To Tell You…

This is my 184 blog post on Two years in and I am still being beautifully bipolar. I dole out a lot of advice here. Things I think you shouldn't do. Things I think you should be doing. But maybe you weren't here since the beginning of this blog. Maybe you don't know my story. Maybe you wonder who am I to tell you what's best.

Because I live it.

I take my medication...
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Starting Over

I am 34. Thirty four and starting all over. Sometimes that is shitty. Sometimes that is exciting. Sometimes I am unlucky. Sometimes I am blessed. Just depends on when you ask me about it. I moved out of my ex-boyfriend's house this past weekend and am spending a few weeks at my parents' until I move on. Single at 34 isn't exactly how I thought my life would go, but is it ever?

Being beautifully bipolar can...
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Finding A Therapist Or Psychiatrist

As you may know, if you follow this blog, I am moving from Virginia to Nashville. That's exciting. Fresh new start in a new place with new people. I can get over the ex-boyfriend. I'll get a part-time job eventually. Cool. BUT what about my mental health support team? I had my last appointment with my therapist yesterday; last week was the last one with the psychiatrist.

How do you go about finding a therapist...
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Why You Need Friends

When I met my therapist, I didn't really have any friends here. Sad, I know. Drop me down in Austin and I have a ton of people to call to meet up with. But here, in the suburbs of Virginia Beach, there isn't a whole hell of a lot going on. I even got a part-time job at Old Navy for a year in an effort to make friends. Most of the employees...
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How to Ask for Mental Help

I've been sick for a lot of years now. Looking back I can see mental illness as it peeked out for a while, then went away. It wasn't until my mid-to-late-twenties that it kind of became my ever present companion.

So, you are feeling like something might not be quite right. Hell! You know something isn't right. Your relationships have changed. The things you once enjoyed you now don't, or things you...
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Still Scratching

Awhile ago I talked about my new obsession with scratching the flesh of my left hand with my right.

Sigh.

About a month ago I went and got all my hair chopped off (you know, the whole "break-up metamorphosis" thing). It was "Ladies' Day," which meant a hand and arm massage while my hair was washed and conditioned.

(Slight gasp on the masseuses part) "What happened?"
Me: I scratched it.
I felt neither compelled nor required to explain...
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It’s Okay to be a Little Crazy Sometimes

I've been a little nutty this week. (If you find offense to that statement please quit reading).

First of all there was the "top of the head coming off" nonsense. Seen before. Will see again. I really don't know how to explain it any other way. It's like you are drunk and happy, or high, (so I am told) and happy. My uncle said if I could figure out a way to bag it...
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