General

You Don’t Have To Be Afraid Of Me

Hi. I am have a severe mental illness and you do NOT have to be afraid of me. I know sometimes it is confusing. The media sells you these stories of "psychopaths" and "sociopaths" and pretty soon they are simply interjecting the word bipolar or depressed to describe an assailant. I know that when we cannot understand why someone does something terrible in this world, that there must be...
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How Hard Is It Really When You Have A Breakdown

Some people call it an episode - I do. Some people call it a breakdown. Call it what you will, but when a mood disorder shifts you into another hemisphere, it is problematic.

Months ago I started to go a bit crazy (and don't get mad at me if I want to use the word 'crazy,' I will). I was up. I was down. And, if you have any experience with bipolar disorder,...
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Don’t Give Up On Love

I've been single for a long time now. And while I don't mind being the single chick, I wouldn't mind dating a nice looking guy with manners.

But I want to talk about love and to remind you that you are lovable. I know that in the early days/weeks/months of the onset of your mental illness or diagnosis it is easy to think that no one will ever want you or love you because we...
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National Suicide Awareness Day 2016

Today is the 's National Suicide Awareness Day. I've thought a lot about what to write. You see, I know intimately the act of trying to take one's life. I have tried to kill myself 3 times - the 4th I question.

I have spent well over 20 days locked inside hospitals because my mind has tried to play its strongest trick, tell its biggest lie: That dying is better than living.

Today has been one...
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Sanity Or Thunder Thighs?

I am gaining weight. I literally find it hard to stop eating and mostly I want sweets and carbs. YUM! I read up on Abilify side effects and found out that this is quite common. The advice on the forum was to drink lots of water.

Yeah. That is going to satisfy me. (Sarcasm)

I also started Depakote around the same time - also a 'pack-on-the-pounds' medication for some of us. And it just makes...
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You Can’t Expect People To Understand

For the 9 millionth time, being mentally ill can be very hard. I am trudging through this shit called rapid cycling bipolar 1 disorder, anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. I am often frustrated, have no patience, and get very mad - and at stupid stuff. Sigh. My anxiety stops me from being able to be in public spaces and my OCD makes me want to die when I have to socially shake hands at church...
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The Headache From Hell

I have a headache pretty much every day for the past 2 months. I know, I know - I have gone on and on about med changes but seriously, since April at least we have been adjusting my meds. I took a little vacation to a psych ward and they thought it would be a good idea to switch everything around. Shucks. Thanks, guys.

July 13 started my last major bipolar mood episode. That...
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It Is Okay To Need Help

I need help. See, there it is. Not so hard to type; not so hard to say.

I made the decision, within two weeks of my lease ending, to terminate it and move back in with my parents. I left Nashville and came back to southern North Carolina. I was unwell. I NEEDED support and love and a load off.

I've been going through med changes for months now and currently am sleepy all...
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Just. Keep. Swimming.

In the initial chapter of my memoir I serve up a metaphor about swimming. The jist? Right arm, then left, kick as hard as you can, and just keep going.

That is what I feel like I am doing now, just with a breath snuck in from time to time.

You know me, I like to find the positives in the situations that I am presented with, but at this point, I honestly feel like...
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You Never Have Any Idea

Sometimes I wish we could wear signs: "Broken heart," "Diagnosed with cancer," "Just lost job," "Going through a mental illness episode." Everyone has something going on. Trust me. Everyone has his or her own dose of shit to deal with - maybe not all at the same time, but shitfests, nonetheless.

Right now is my shitfest and I feel like a lot of my support system members are being selfish assholes (pardon the language)....
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