The other day as I was looking through files on my computer, I came across a vlog that I recorded in 2010, about a month after being officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was stunned. As I watched my “former self,” I compassionately remembered how awkward it felt to be her. I watched my physical mannerisms, my insecurities, and my then desperate attempt to present myself as someone who I thought others would think was “cute” or “cool.”
I had no real sense of identity. I was constantly morphing, like a chameleon, to adapt to the company that I kept. That’s the girl I saw in the video. Not only that, but in the vlog I spoke of a time when something that is so simple for many who do not suffer from personality disorders – the transition from weekdays to the weekend and vice-versa – was quite emotionally dysregulating for me.
Perhaps the thing that impacted me the most was how at the opening of the video, I said, “My name is Debbie, and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.” I don’t start my videos or blog posts that way anymore, because as I recently announced to the world via Healing From BPD, I no longer meet the criteria for a BPD diagnosis and am now in recovery.
Here’s that video. Compare it with other, more current videos I’ve done on my website and YouTube, and you’ll likely notice major differences, too.
An awful lot can change in three years. I hope you will be encouraged by my story if you or a loved one is currently suffering from BPD. Help is out there. There are tools and resources available to help you heal. I talk about many of them on my blog and invite you to check that out, as well as my books, Healing From Borderline Personality Disorder: My Journey Out of Hell Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Stop Sabotaging: A 31-Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life.
I will also be one of the subjects in an upcoming documentary on BPD. Filming of my piece starts next week. I’ll keep you posted!
Thanks for reading,