In the last post, I introduced a situation between my daughters that required parental intervention: My daughters had been playing on the bed when one fell off. My older daughter immediately apologized, but my younger daughter would not hear of it and lashed out angrily.
I had asked you to let me know how you would’ve dealt with it. This was to be an exercise in looking at this common situation in a new light – instead of thinking that child needs a timeout, considering what else might be going on to contribute to the situation.
I’ll admit, sibling rivalry is difficult to deal with. But, I’ll give you a hint – the unmet need in this case had nothing to do with her sister, the bed, the fall, or their father. It was a basic need for attention.
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“All kids yell, kick, hit, lie, cry, act up and act out. It’s healthy and developmentally appropriate for all children to display poor behavior when they’re upset.”
I completely agree with this, and I’m happy to hear someone say it. I wasn’t allowed to express emotions as a kid, and it really screwed me up. I find it encouraging to know that there are parents out there who understand that, while they’re responsible for intervening and trying to make the situation better, the solution is not to punish kids for having feelings and/or for not knowing how or having the ability to express their feelings in a better way.
I couldn’t agree more with KM’s comment. Thanks, Rita, you have added more clarity to a situation I am having with my son at present. The comments from a rather old-school therapist threw me for a few days, but you and another like-minded author have me feeling back on track with my confidence in my overall parenting approach.