The New York Times recently ran an article bemoaning the ever increasing focus on safety at our nation’s playgrounds. Today, you rarely see monkey bars and tire swings. And playground surfaces feel like walking on a giant sponge. Tall, fast slides have shrunk, leveled out, and slowed down. Signs warn parents everywhere about potential dangers.

But this emphasis doesn’t stop at playgrounds. When is the last time you drove by a school bus stop and saw only children? You’re just as likely to see more parents and caretakers than children waiting for the bus. Newspapers run articles all of the time that warn of potential dangers to kids. It seems that the media can’t get enough of these stories.

It’s not as if retirement doesn’t have enough anxiety associated with it. For example, many retirees report that finances and finding meaningful activities cause considerable consternation. Actually, Laura and I are only partially retired, yet we must deal with those anxieties just like people in full retirement.

The other day we ran across a news item that looked like it would solve one problem involving how to spend time productively. And by productive, we mean anything that gives us a sense of purpose, meaning, or even just enjoyment (obviously we define “productive” a little differently than we did in our previous full blast work mode).

The news item was “Super Seniors Tennis!” It was an incredibly inexpensive set of six weeks’ worth of tennis lessons followed by six weeks of Round Robin play against other seniors. OK, so we’ve never played tennis more than casually, and that was about forty years ago. But so what? It sounded like great fun.

All children experience anxiety or fear from time to time. Some fear and anxiety are normal. In fact, if kids never felt anxious at all, they would be slow to learn how to stay safe. They would likely be less motivated to study and they would have a harder time keeping their behavior in line with expectations.

So, how do you know if a child is experiencing normal, expected levels of anxiety as opposed to something that would be cause for concern or even a referral to a professional?

Certain fears and anxiety are especially typical at certain ages. The table below is excerpted from our recent book, “Child Psychology and Development For Dummies.” It describes the types of fears that are especially common at certain ages and thus, not worth worrying about. It also notes at what point you may wish to consider checking things out further.

In a future blog, we’ll discuss what the various types of truly worrisome childhood anxiety look like.

Lots of people find themselves flying over the holidays and experience fear and panic. This blog tells you what that fear is about and what can be done about it.

If you have anxiety, be glad! Appreciate your anxiety for all the ways it helps you. Think not? Think again.

Imagine what your world would be like without any anxiety at all. Sounds sort of nice, doesn’t it? You awaken each day with no fear or negative anticipations. No nightmares the night before. You anticipate only joy and pleasure. Your future looks mellow, secure and serene. No problems to worry about. No need for tranquilizers and probably not for sleeping aids. What could be better than that?

When the topic of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) comes up, you’ll probably hear the conversation focusing on the issue of anger and rage. Indeed, people who suffer from BPD often struggle with explosive emotional flare-ups. Those episodes capture everyone’s attention.

Other symptoms of BPD such as self-harm, impulsive actions, and unstable relationships stand out as well. However, people with BPD also suffer greatly from profound anxiety. Some people with BPD describe their anxiety as excruciatingly painful and debilitating. Quite often their anxiety centers on deep fears of abandonment. They believe that others will inevitably leave them and, once that happens, they will be left totally unable to cope.

People with social anxiety (technically called social phobia) fear public speaking, being assertive, going to parties, meeting new people, speaking up to authority figures (like a teacher or boss), eating in public, or similar situations in which they believe that others may evaluate or scrutinize them. Anxiety in those with social phobia usually includes physical symptoms such as sweating, rapid heart rate, upset stomach, flushed face, and shakiness. The prominent emotions are fear and dread. The difference between shyness and social phobia is one of degree—those with social anxiety have a very very bad case of shyness that leads to severe limitations in life.

For example, a man who fears public speaking might believe that his voice will give out, he’ll forget his lines, he’ll not be able to answer questions, people will laugh at him, or he will be so frightened that he’ll lose control and run off stage. A woman with concerns about meeting other people may be afraid that when she speaks her voice will shake, that others will reject her, or that she might embarrass herself by saying something inappropriate. People with social phobia believe that they will certainly be humiliated, embarrassed, or shown to be inadequate. It’s no wonder that those with social anxiety tend to withdraw from others. And the more they withdraw, the more anxiety wins control.

Happy 4th of July. Tonight, we’ll sit outside and watch the fireworks from our backyard. Our dogs will likely be close by; not terribly frightened, but a bit upset by the explosions. We’ll keep an eye on them-watching for signs of fear. Dogs often react strongly to the noise of fireworks. There have been frequent reports of dogs running away, digging out of yards, and even jumping through glass windows in response to fireworks.

If your dog (or cat) becomes frightened, what should you do; how should you respond? Well, try acting happy or for that matter, even bored or disinterested. Do not reassure or attempt to calm down your frightened animal. Why? Because if you give positive attention to your animal’s fear, then you are in effect saying, “Rover (or Spot), you’re absolutely right. Something is terribly wrong. Those noises are awful and you should be scared. I’m here to help you through it.”

And when you do that, your dog’s fear will likely increase. As the fears heighten, your dog will run to you for even more reassurance. And a vicious cycle begins. Alternatively, when you act either happy or disinterested; your dog receives a signal that conveys no concerns with what’s going on. You, the leader of the pack, are not worried. Thus, your dog becomes less anxious.

As with most good dog training principles, this one applies to people too. When someone you care about is frightened, it seems natural to offer reassurance. You want to be sympathetic and show that you understand. But, doing that grows and nourishes fear. Instead of helping, reassurance deepens anxiety.

Now, with people and kids who are anxious you don’t want to seem detached either. You can avoid that problem by carefully explaining that you are not going to give reassurance because it just makes things worse. In our book, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder For Dummies we suggest some phrases that you can tell your kids if they seek unproductive reassurance. Some of these include:

• You know I can’t answer that question.
• I understand you’re worried, but we agreed that I wouldn’t reassure you.
• There’s always a chance something bad could happen.
• I …
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