Usually, I like to write about issues that are well grounded in data and evidence. That’s not the case with today’s blog. Maybe someone has data that contradicts what I plan to write, but I’m not so sure. I do know that a clever social psychologist could readily conduct research on this topic. So what am I talking about?

Listening. It seems to me that people hardly listen to each other anymore. More frighteningly, maybe they never have and I’m just becoming more aware of it. Do you agree or see it differently? Before you form a firm opinion, consider observing a while.

John Rosemond, a nationally syndicated columnist and author of many parenting books, recently wrote an article about step-families. I met John about 10 years ago after he agreed to write a forward for our first book. I like his practical down to earth style and agree with much of what he writes.

His article, “Today’s step-families have little or no sense of family,” concerns the high divorce rate of step-families. John believes that one of the reasons that so many marriages involving blended families end in divorce has to do with confusing and undefined roles in the new family.

He claims that the majority of mental health professionals, including famous media mental health personalities such as Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura (I’m not the famous Dr. Laura), recommend that stepparents stay out of disciplining their stepchildren. John writes that stepparents who follow that advice “create an us-and-them family that isn’t really a family at all.”

We are writing today in support of the American Psychological Association’s Mental Health Blog Party. Here’s to all of us who have chronic, acute, or occasional issues with mental health. That’s commonly thought to be 1 out of every 4 people. But to be honest, being human pretty much guarantees at least occasional difficulties with mood, anxiety, interpersonal issues, learning, or attention—and often these difficulties are substantial even if they don’t add up to a formal diagnosis.

In addition, all of us deal with people in our family, at school, at work, or in the community that have problems related to mental health. So, we are all in this together.

In our practice, we tend to concentrate on getting through the day. In other words, we try to help people (as well as ourselves) solve the puzzles and get through the challenges that face everyone in the here and now. The premise behind Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which we practice as well as write about, is that how we think about things and what we do affects our moods. But clearly, other types of events and issues also affect mental health. These include genetics, health, diet, family experiences, trauma, political events, economic maelstroms, and natural disasters among others.

Many of our readers know that Chuck and I are taking tennis lessons. This has been a surprisingly fun and humbling experience. We are still pretty terrible after 8 lessons, but we can now sometimes hit the ball with our rackets which believe me, is a great improvement.

Tennis is our latest metaphor for life. Just the other day, the instructor was telling me about keeping score. He said it was pretty easy. I started to listen to his lecture. He said that the first point is 15 and the second 30 and the third 40 and the 4th point wins except when there is a tie or deuce or something like that and then there is an advantage and games and sets and tiebreaks and matches and I had no idea what he was talking about so then I spaced out and sort of started to think about other things like how strange it is that the tennis ball doesn’t seem to go in the right direction. And then the instructor asked if I understood scoring and I said “yes.”

Information flows around the world in a manner of seconds–it’s amazing! We all watched last week when peaceful demonstrations, facilitated by social media, helped to topple a corrupt and oppressive government. So, what does this have to do with children and treatment?

Like many mental health professionals, the internet has given us opportunities to keep up with a variety of current issues, research studies, and trends in our field. Instead of trying to keep up with 3 or 4 journals a month, we have access to just about any published article, sometimes before it is even published.

When I started college many years ago, a literature search involved long hours combing through guides to periodic literature. Today a literature review involves going to an online library and reading about topics of interest from peer reviewed journals not just in English, but translated text from all over the world.

Like millions around the world, I spent some time discussing resolutions for the coming year with family and friends. Most of us talked about increasing healthy living, getting more exercise, eating better food, or working hard to decrease stress. Some talked about professional goals such as getting through a school program, successfully managing a work project, writing another book, or figuring out how to say “no” to a narcissistic, overly demanding boss.

After many decades of participating in the yearly ritual of setting goals and objectives, I admit the exercise rarely sparks great passion or enthusiasm. Personally, I’m pretty happy with where I am. I live a reasonably content, healthy, and satisfying life. I’ve been able to accept most of my limitations (for example, I will certainly never get younger and will unlikely write the great American novel), but feel pretty peaceful at where I sit—mostly at my computer or looking out at the mountains.

We were both the kind of students who showed up early to class, got all of our homework done on time, and worked hard to get good grades. Both of us can still recall the times we didn’t quite meet our own very tough expectations.

Through the years, we’ve attempted to listen to our own advice and do our best—but also know that we can’t do everything all of the time. And so, when our fun biweekly blog turned weekly, well that worked for a while.  But lately blogging became the oh my gosh we’ve got to write a blog today as well as write the next chapter and read those papers and supervise this student and we don’t have time to watch the grandkids or take the dogs running or go to the grocery store.

A small article about the Belmont College Mindset List appeared in the morning paper today. Each year the college puts together a list of interesting bits of information about the incoming freshman class. I was surprised by one of the items. Apparently, most of this year’s incoming freshmen do not know how to write in cursive. This fact led me to my computer where I have spent the last few hours researching cursive handwriting (of course I am supposed to be working on a book project today so the topic of handwriting had great appeal as a way to delay the inevitable).

It appears that although the majority of elementary school teachers teach cursive, it is not required in some schools and students don’t appear to be using cursive as much as they used to.

When I was a little kid in elementary school, my father used to take me to the impressive main branch of The Detroit Public Library to look up material for school assignments. He wouldn’t allow an encyclopedia in the house because it wasn’t a primary source. That was just the way it was at my house.

Another fond memory from childhood is riding my bike about two miles (without a helmet or a parent) to the local library during the summer months and filling my bike basket with books to read during the week. No one at my house paid too much attention when I read late into the night with a bright flash light under the sheet providing just enough light to read.

Our grandkids won’t ever do those things.

Dementia is a general term referring to various types of declines in memory, concentration and judgment. Dementia has a variety of causes, but strokes, toxins, head injuries, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s and Alzheimer’s are among the most common.

Early signs of dementia include apathy, withdrawal, confusion, short term memory loss, problems following or maintaining conversations, disorientation (especially in unfamiliar areas), difficulty planning ahead, struggles with daily tasks such as balancing checkbooks, loss of initiative and motivation, loss of interests and a diminished ability to learn new skills.

As improved healthcare and nutrition allow people to live longer, the downside has been a soaring frequency of dementia. In fact, as many as half of those aged 80 and above may suffer from some form of dementia.