It’s not uncommon for people with anxiety disorders to have episodes of panic. A panic attack is defined as a period of time when a person experiences intense discomfort or fear. Along with that feeling, there is a biological response such as a pounding heart, trembling, dizziness, sweating, nausea, trouble breathing, or chills.

People who have panic attacks frequently describe their experiences as horrible. Some say that they felt like they were dying; others say they thought they were going crazy; some say that they worried about losing control of themselves; still others report that they felt like they were outside of their bodies. It is quite understandable that, after experiencing a panic attack, people want to avoid another one.

Next week is Thanksgiving—a time of reflection, gratitude, and for many people, stress. That’s how I was feeling this afternoon at the grocery store. I stopped there after a busy day of work to pick up a chicken breast and a bag of salad greens for dinner tonight. The parking lot was full and the lines were unusually long. I realized that some of the shoppers were stocking up for Thanksgiving. I started to worry that although we’re having a lot of people over, I haven’t even started to plan, clean, or even consider what I would need to do. Then I realized that I hadn’t written a blog today. And that how could I possibly stand in this long line, drive home, cook, and even be able to think, let alone write?

Here I am at the computer. The chicken breast is waiting for the oven to heat and I am trying to calm down. I know of three interventions that help with anxiety and stress; mindfulness, behavior changes, and cognitive changes.

I think I’ll try mindfulness. I will become in touch with the present moment. Well, my respiration is a little fast, I’m feeling a little stomach upset. My back is a bit sore from sitting and working on a report most of the day. My neck hurts too. I really need to write this blog and cook dinner. Well, I guess this mindfulness isn’t working out for me right now.

When children are afraid of something, adults often reassure them. Many kids are afraid of the dark or of monsters under the bed. This fear usually starts sometime around preschool and is a great way to delay bedtime or to keep a loved one hovering around the bedside.

Many millions of parents, with good intentions, have said to their scared kids, “Don’t worry, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Most scared kids willingly accept their parents’ reassurance. They might get an extra hug or a night light or one more bed time story. Gradually, they outgrow their fears. But some kids don’t easily grow out of their fears. They may just be prone to anxiety or sometimes they get too much attention from their caring parents.

These kids’ fears may get them extended routines of reassurance such as long rigid rituals that must be performed each night before they sleep. And many exhausted parents give up and extend an invitation to their frightened children to sleep with them in their beds.

Kids don’t generally develop anxiety disorders all on their own. Oh sure, genes and biology have some influence, but these factors largely just predispose kids in the direction of acquiring problems with anxiety. The wrong messages can push both anxiously disposed kids as well as otherwise normal kids in the direction of struggling with anxiety for the rest of their lives.

If you’re a parent or someone who cares about kids, you just might want to know what type of messages instill insecurity. I’ll start by laying out three common mistakes that parents make; in other words, the kinds of messages you “don’t” want to give them:

Toilet Sign - image from Shutterstock

We saw a report a few years ago that detailed the dangers of buying used, refurbished mattresses due to bed bugs, fecal matter, and various body fluids that still inhabited such mattresses even after the refurbishing process.

I remember when e-mail started to become one of the primary ways people communicated with one another, and my mother refused to even consider learning how to use it. Sure, she was getting older, but she still had a very sharp, highly intelligent mind. I wondered why in the world she wouldn’t embrace this new, obviously more convenient way of communicating.

She wouldn’t even consider looking at a totally simplistic device that had but one function: sending and receiving e-mail. She was also a rather stubborn person so I thought perhaps that was the problem. But, upon more reflection and observation, I realized that she simply was fearful, almost phobic about anything that even remotely seemed “technological” in nature. I also concluded that she wasn’t going to listen to me and that she would spend the remainder of her days on this earth avoidant of and resistant to new technologies. Oh well, I figured that was her right, even though I thought she should probably find a way to deal with her fear.

Social phobia is more than shyness. It involves intense worry about being with people you don’t know, or fear of unfamiliar situations. People with social phobia worry about being judged or evaluated for their actions. And they predict that those judgments will be harsh, negative, and humiliating. They understand that their concerns are greater than warranted, but find themselves overwhelmed with strong feelings of fear. These fears lead to avoidance of people or situations that make them uncomfortable—not to mention terrified.

Children and teens with social phobia don’t answer questions in school even when they know the right answer. They don’t want to seek attention and can seem distant, unfriendly, and sometimes even arrogant to others. As adults, they may avoid speaking up at work, making presentations, being socially interactive, and being assertive. It’s understandable that those with social phobia are often underachievers—at school, at work, and in relationships.

People with social phobia usually don’t seek treatment for their condition. That makes sense, because they tend to avoid attention of any kind and rarely ask for help. They don’t want to make a call to a mental health professional or seek a referral from their medical provider. Those with social phobia may lead restricted, lonely lives because of their condition.

No one really knows why there seems to be an incredible rise in the rates of people with autism. Conservative estimates point to a 300% increase. Some of the increase is likely due to better diagnosis. And we know that autism runs in families and appears to have a genetic component. Others point to environmental stressors such as increased exposure to pesticides and hormones. But there is little certainty in the scientific community about what is happening.

Children and people with mild autism sometimes appear to others as self-contained and aloof. Others may assume that those with autism are pretty calm, cool, and collected. However, they are likely very wrong.

Those with autism may suffer increased levels of anxiety and stress because of interpersonal isolation. They feel different from other people and worry that they may be disliked or misunderstood. This may lead the child or adult with autism to withdraw or avoid. This lack of contact with others can lead to more awkwardness and lack of opportunities to practice social interactions.

Some of our readers may know that Chuck and I are returning to a small private practice. I’ve written before about the, shall we say, challenges of starting up a new practice after being away for several years. Nevertheless, we are marching along. We hope to focus on providing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy. But a small part of both of our practices will feature psychological assessment.

The art and practice of psychological assessment and diagnosis can be fascinating. I get a great deal of satisfaction out of accumulating information, administering tests, delving through records, getting to know someone and putting it all together into a description and usually a diagnosis. It’s the sort of work that a good detective does; gathering facts, considering theories, and solving a mystery.

We’ve written about the fact that certain therapies work well for the treatment of anxiety whereas other approaches have little support in the literature for their effectiveness. Therefore, we always encourage you to ask for treatments that are backed by solid research. But getting the right therapy is just the first step.

Another issue arises when you start working with a therapist. Namely, how do you know that you’ve found the right match for you?

Usually, people feel comfortable with their therapists. They feel connected with and heard by the professional they’ve chosen to work with. That’s because “most” therapists are reasonably kind, skillful, and good at listening.