We just returned from a trip to New York City. While there, we managed to do a little work and visit some family. Our family, like many families, stretches from the west coast to the east coast. We don’t see each other as often as we’d like. So, when we get together there are always changes. Change is the only predictable, dependable essence of our family (like most families).

For us, one significant change has been our assignment to the older generation. For many baby boomers, this new status is largely unanticipated and surprising. Where did all that time go? Our transfer to elder status comes with the gain of grandchildren, the joy and pain of watching our children love, learn, and leave. It also comes with the dissipation of dreams, the creation of new dreams, the loss of our own parents, new aches and pains, technological challenges, and the wonderful perspective of experience. Of course, that wonderful perspective derived from experience isn’t always sought out or appreciated. Sigh.

Family members change. Children are born, or adopted. Adults join families through new ties or partnerships. People leave families. Some die, others move on, some lose connections by choice, some by circumstance.

Getting together with family evokes lots of feelings. Okay family-Chuck and I are both clinical psychologists and it’s true, we really are analyzing everything you say or don’t say. And we know exactly what you’re really thinking (well, that’s not true-we still can’t read minds, but we’re working on that).

On the long (delayed) flight back to New Mexico, we had time to reflect on our family. And we both concluded that the people in our family–like those in most families–do the best they can do given the time and context of their births, childhoods, biology, learning, luck, and fate. We’re good people, for the most part, and we plod ahead, not always really sure of where we’re going.

So, does this hopelessly egocentric rambling have a point? Yes, one way to improve mental health and happiness is acceptance. So family, we have analyzed you completely by now and want you to know the outcome. You’re all okay. And it’s even okay when you don’t agree with the inestimable value of our wonderful perspective!

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Prof.Lakshman (October 9, 2009)

From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (October 9, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 9 Oct 2009