We just returned from a trip to New York City. While there, we managed to do a little work and visit some family. Our family, like many families, stretches from the west coast to the east coast. We don’t see each other as often as we’d like. So, when we get together there are always changes. Change is the only predictable, dependable essence of our family (like most families).
For us, one significant change has been our assignment to the older generation. For many baby boomers, this new status is largely unanticipated and surprising. Where did all that time go? Our transfer to elder status comes with the gain of grandchildren, the joy and pain of watching our children love, learn, and leave. It also comes with the dissipation of dreams, the creation of new dreams, the loss of our own parents, new aches and pains, technological challenges, and the wonderful perspective of experience. Of course, that wonderful perspective derived from experience isn’t always sought out or appreciated. Sigh.
Family members change. Children are born, or adopted. Adults join families through new ties or partnerships. People leave families. Some die, others move on, some lose connections by choice, some by circumstance.
Getting together with family evokes lots of feelings. Okay family-Chuck and I are both clinical psychologists and it’s true, we really are analyzing everything you say or don’t say. And we know exactly what you’re really thinking (well, that’s not true-we still can’t read minds, but we’re working on that).
On the long (delayed) flight back to New Mexico, we had time to reflect on our family. And we both concluded that the people in our family–like those in most families–do the best they can do given the time and context of their births, childhoods, biology, learning, luck, and fate. We’re good people, for the most part, and we plod ahead, not always really sure of where we’re going.
So, does this hopelessly egocentric rambling have a point? Yes, one way to improve mental health and happiness is acceptance. So family, we have analyzed you completely by now and want you to know the outcome. You’re all okay. And it’s even okay when you don’t agree with the inestimable value of our wonderful perspective!
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When my mother died, (my father already had passed away), I said to my siblings, “We are the elders now; We are the older generation.” It was a shocking feeling to all of us at the time.
There were only a few grandchildren; most of our kids had held off having children while they made their own way in the world. I still do not have one though my son is 29 now.
Our kids have gone off for the most part, though some still struggle and remain somewhat dependant in this economy.
Our dreams? Well, I guess we have become more realistic. I know I have. I wanted to move the world, having been a child of the ’60s. Perhaps I do being a history teacher, but, I’ll never realize that ambition. But, it’s ok today.
There are more than a few aches and pains, LOL! And the technological challenges are fearsome for me. I cannot keep up with the demands of my career in order to keep my job! That is just unfair, considering all the PD I”m required to take, most of which is redundent and none of it is technological! HELLO! Can we get a grip here?
The perspective of experience….well…I for one welcome it. I like to ponder upon my experinces. To find it’s meaning.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates
Such a true statement.
We must examine our lives and find it’s worth. Why else are we here if not to leave value for those left behind?
And even if that value is not for the many, as I once hoped for myself, if I leave it only for my son, that is enough.
Perspective.
Yes. I’ve learned it’s worth.
But, I’m sure to learn more.
Peace!
Is there a brain scan to detect borderline personalty disorder and bipolar
Well as children of psychologists..we think you guys are “all okay” too! We love you! And we don’t think of you as “the elders”..well, not yet anyways. Haha.
@ sunflower Thank you for your comment. Sounds like you have made an impact on your world. Keep on trucking…
@ Rose although differences have been found in brains of people with certain emotional disorders there are no brain scans that can detect them–the science is not that sophisticated.
@Alli & Sara,
You guys always manage to crack me up! love….
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