“Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to the truth but not its twin.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver.

Relationships are complicated. So too is the brain and our memories of our first relationships in life. Most trauma takes place at the hands of people; most trauma comes by way of a relationship of some kind.

Let’s look at a particular type of relationship, the love/partner relationship. When you are looking for that special man or woman to spend your life with, what might you expect in terms of the development of that relationship? What are the red flags being supplied by your Limbic system? What are the warning signs this might be a return to an old emotional crime scene?

“Nothing revives the past so completely as a smell that was once associated with it.” ~ Vladimir Nabokov.

We ended the last blog talking about what happens when we meet someone for the first time.

Some relationships appear benign, because no big bells or whistles go off. Other relational encounters are characterized by emotional and physiological states that include an increase in heart rate, increased blood pressure and shortness of breath.

What is this excited state really about? Is it love or your soul mate beckoning? Or could it be something in this new person triggering one of your old crime scenes or Limbic System recordings?

“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.” ~ G.K. Chesterton.

We are continuing our discussion of emotional crime scenes and subsequent relationship issues.

Emotional crime scenes can set up a situation where you keep returning to the scene of the crime. You may do this by way of relationships that are abusive or confusing. You may do this by taking on jobs that are demeaning with employers or employees who overtly disrespect you. It may be that you are returning to an old crime scene in you parenting. Or, you may have become the aggressor.