Work on Yourself: Expressing Your Emotions

By Aaron Karmin • 2 min read

Tom was reluctant to talk about his feelings. He had learned from his tough guy father that such matters were for “weaklings,” not to be discussed in broad daylight. Tom made the right choice. He chose to work on his relationship with himself, which was in tatters.

His homework was to release his anger onto a piece of paper, to write his father an anger letter. As often happens, Tom’s resistance rose to the surface. This time it was “guilt” that was keeping him down. He felt guilty about criticizing his dead father: “He did the best he could.”

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Be a Man: Express Your Emotions

By Aaron Karmin • 2 min read

angryman240It was not the victimization itself that did the damage, nor the physical pain. It was the destruction of our fragile sense of self as a worthwhile human being just like everyone else. This stunts our growth and fills us with pain.

The problem is that many do not wish to put their pain with a new perspective. If the individual is too filled with self-contempt, she/he will continue to invest in goals that are unrealistic and promote disappointment, but she/he will refuse to give them up.

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How to Find Relief from Insecurity

By Aaron Karmin • 1 min read

thinking240We are all in pain to a greater or lesser degree, but most of us find our own way of working around it so that we can get on with our lives.

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Inner Conflict: Know Thy Self

By Aaron Karmin • 1 min read

journal240We change every day, sometimes in big ways, sometimes in very small ways, but your essential sense of self remains constant.

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3 Coping Skills for Anxiety and Panic

By Aaron Karmin • 2 min read

journalWhen we worry about an event, we focus on an imaginary threat that is not happening in reality. Below are 3 suggestions to address the reactions associated with anxiety and panic.

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3 Obstacles to Communication

By Aaron Karmin • 2 min read

roadblockOne common mistake we make when communicating is our failure to take ownership of our own choices. I often hear clients say, “they made me feel ___” or “I had no choice but to yell back.” This is absurd. We always have choices, but we just don’t like our options.

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The Benefits of Positive Communication

By Aaron Karmin • 2 min read

The wrong kind of talking can be more destructive than no talking at all. Positive communication is informed, relevant, and beneficial. Negative communication is defensive, discouraging and unproductive.

Positive communication helps in several specific practical ways:

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More Power More Control

By Aaron Karmin • 1 min read

There was once a stonecutter, who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. One day, he passed a wealthy merchant’s house, and through the open gateway, saw many fine possessions and important visitors. “How powerful that merchant must be!” thought the stonecutter. He became very envious, and wished that he could be like the merchant. Then he would no longer have to live the life of a mere stonecutter.

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Why You Need to Examine Your Expectations

By Aaron Karmin • 1 min read

Unfulfilled expectations can lead to anger. What are your expectations of yourself and others for this situation? Are you expecting more than is realistic for this person in this particular situation?

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Do You Use Logic to Justify Your Feelings?

By Aaron Karmin • 1 min read

Over and over again, studies show that people set out on a mission to seek out reasons to support their emotional reactions. And because you are usually successful in this mission, you end up with the illusion of objectivity. You really believe that your position is logicallly and objectively justified. Most people give no real evidence for their emotional reactions and no effort is made to look for alternatives opposing this emotionally based sense of certainty. The mind generally uses the “makes-sense-to-me” rule, where you take a position, look for evidence that supports it, and if you find some evidence, enough so that your position “makes sense”, you stop thinking. If someone brings up reasons and evidence on the other side, you can may be swayed to change your mind. However, the problem is that you may not make any effort to seek out conflicting points of view unless they are presented to you.

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Recent Comments
  • Aniket: Hi Aaron, Very nice article. I agree with you in all the points. We all are in pain and we all are insecure...
  • Sheila A: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! This really speaks to what I have been experiencing lately. Did I say...
  • Lauren: I have been fortunate to change my thoughts and therefore, change my life over the last decade. I no longer...
  • Tim: How do you even start ‘building your character’ or ‘finding your real feelings’? I know...
  • youngjude: someone must have looked into a crystal ball and saw my life in it’s entirety.
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