Blame

The Blaming Approach to Personal Improvement

Let me tell you about a client named Jack, who couldn’t see why he shouldn’t be “hard” on his wife and kids. It was for their own good. “I’m no harder on them than I am on myself,” he would say, as if his fairness justified his brutalizing of others. In reality, no good could come of his critical and blaming approach to personal improvement.
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Anger

Feeling Judged: It’s Not Fair

One of the most common legacies that linger from childhood is fairness. As a child, you learned about equality and tit for tat behavior as a way to promote responsibility. You played games and learned about taking turns to create a level playing field. You were taught about sharing and understand it’s not right when someone takes more than their fair share or won't let others play with their toys. You learned from your role models that someone must assume ownership for regulating fair play, so those who break the rules get penalized or punished.
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General

Instant Gratification: Self-Regulation in the Modern World

A majority of Americans say rudeness — particularly behind the wheel, on cell phones and in customer service — is the biggest trigger to their anger. Here is where you need to use anger management to counterbalance your hostile, impulsive, infantile insistence on getting what you want, when you want it. If you have reached adulthood without having the skill to delay gratification, you can focus on developing this ability now to reduce impulse-related problems throughout your life.
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Anger

Good Listeners Don’t Shout

The feeling conveyed in your voice makes more impact and is remembered longer than the words actually spoken. That’s why you can’t always recall the exact words spoken, but clearly remember how you felt. The tone (its pitch, volume and clarity) all combine to give a listener clues about the way the message needs to be interpreted, conveying your mood and meaning of your statement.
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Anger

Protecting Yourself Emotionally

Detachment is one of the most valuable techniques available to stop taking others’ behavior personal. Simply put, detachment means separating yourself emotionally from other people’s behavior. Detachment occurs when you are able to separate the act from the actor, the person from their behavior, the sin from the sinner. If someone you love had the flu and cancelled plans with you, you would understand. You wouldn’t take it personally or blame the person for being inconsiderate or weak. Instead, in your mind, you would probably separate the person from the illness, knowing that it was the illness, rather than your loved one, that caused the change of plans. This is detachment.
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Anger

Putting Yourself First

I often hear clients say, “they made me feel ___” or “I had no choice but to yell back.” This is absurd. You always have choices, but the reality is you just don’t like your options. You can choose to shift your mental gears and set limits. Specifically, you have power over how you interpret others' statements and you have control over what comes out of your mouth.
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