Who is at Fault: It’s a matter of Perspective

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_121017127From time to time, you may have had thought if you did X then a person would react in a predictable, desirable, anticipated way.

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Being Romantic: What makes a Great Date

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_174929810What is the secret to having a great date? There’s no official definition for a “great date”, but its usually associated with romance, connection and this-is-the-one excitement. But with so many random people getting together, there is sure to be some mismatches. What is the science of a good date?

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Dating Rejection: Being Judged and Finding Fault

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_197364020Rejection, it’s what causes so many negative emotions from shyness, to depression, to anger and even despair. Rejection is never easy to accept. In matters of romance, rejection can do even more damage. When you are rejected by someone you deeply want, it can make you feel worthless, unwanted and insecure. It can rob an otherwise friendly and happy person of their self-confidence. And yes, the truth is that some men and women do simply enjoy rejecting others and causing those hurt feelings.

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Coping with a Demanding Child

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_134860055Therapist: “I suspect that you are parenting your child as your mother parented you, and solving problems the way she did, even though it makes you and everyone else miserable.”

Irene: “That’s why I’m here. I see that it isn’t working. I don’t deliberately get angry with my son. But I end up feeling so stupid after I blow up over such small things.”

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What do Rewards Teach Your Child?

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_213498766Irene: “I remember that I always got a cookie after dinner, if I ate my vegetables. What’s wrong with that. Every kid goes through that.”

Therapist: “It’s called bribery, that’s what’s wrong with it. It’s a short-cut that parents take when they are too busy to secure cooperation. It teaches children to expect life to reward them for doing what they are supposed to do.”

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Preventing Mistakes: Criticism and Control

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_957347Jack: “Should I kiss my kids on the cheek for being sloppy?”

Therapist: “Is there no middle ground between kissing and abusing? Do you see how scornful you are of people who do not live up to your impossible standard of perfection?”

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Do You Punish the People You Love?

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_189515033Jack couldn’t see why he shouldn’t be “hard” on his wife and kids. It was for their own good. “I’m no harder on them than I am on myself,” he would say, as if his self contempt justified his brutalizing of others. In reality, no good could come of his barbaric approach to personal improvement.

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Are You “Too Sensitive”?

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_129036653When Karen’s boyfriend Kurt pushes her buttons, she blows up. He knows that she can’t stand comparison with other women, so he tells her about Mary down at the office and what a great conversationalist she is.

Karen is angry at herself, as if this praise of Mary implied that she was deficient in some way, and that it was her fault for not identifying and correcting this deficiency a long time ago. Her anger at herself spills over and she rages against poor, “innocent” Kurt, who says, “What did I do? I only said that Mary was a great conversationalist.” Kurt may or may not be conscious of the fact that the last twelve outbursts were triggered by comparing Karen unfavorably with other women who are doing something “right.”

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Self-Blame: Controlling the Pain

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_169618169Karen came in for counseling because one day she would have crying spells, another day she would have fits of rage, then she would withdraw into silence for three days. Karen was in danger of losing her job, her boyfriend and her friendships.

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Sex and Anxiety: Why Do I Hold Back – Part 2

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_131108333Therapist: “There are many lessons we learn from the deaths of the loved ones: People I love can’t be trusted. They can die at any time and cause a terrible pain. My happiness is only temporary, and it will end in disaster. I need to keep my guard up to prevent these bad things from happening. Their death is somehow my fault. I am guilty because I should have known this would happen. I failed in my responsibility to prevent it from happening. I must try harder to control and prevent this disaster from happening again.”

Suzanne: “That’s the way I feel. It’s all true. But how can this help me with my problems with my husband? Why am I so uptight when it comes to sex?”

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Recent Comments
  • Paul: Thank you for your reply. I have read books on aspergers in the past. No book is ever going to provide a...
  • Aaron Karmin: It sounds like this has been a very trying experience. I would suggest the book: What Men with Asperger...
  • Paul: Online dating has been an absolute disaster for me. I have had hundreds of rejections over the last 10yrs and...
  • Aaron Karmin: Hello Thanks for posting. I will say that for people with AS online dating can be a great opportunity...
  • Paul: I am 49yrs old with aspergers and have never been on a date. The closest to getting married for me will be my...
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