Sex and Anxiety: Why Do I Hold Back – Part 2

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_131108333Therapist: “There are many lessons we learn from the deaths of the loved ones: People I love can’t be trusted. They can die at any time and cause a terrible pain. My happiness is only temporary, and it will end in disaster. I need to keep my guard up to prevent these bad things from happening. Their death is somehow my fault. I am guilty because I should have known this would happen. I failed in my responsibility to prevent it from happening. I must try harder to control and prevent this disaster from happening again.”

Suzanne: “That’s the way I feel. It’s all true. But how can this help me with my problems with my husband? Why am I so uptight when it comes to sex?”

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Sex and Anxiety: Why Do I Hold Back – Part 1

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_131108333Many people have the ambition to prevent bad things from happening. This is their definition of control. For controllers, life is grim and pessimistic. Controllers have an unnecessarily difficult time in coping with the disappointments of everyday life. They blame themselves for failing to prevent them, as if that were their responsibility. These sufferers have a particularly difficult time in managing their emotional responses. Suzanne is a case in point.

Suzanne: “I have a very embarrassing problem. I think there is something wrong with me sexually.”

Therapist: “How so?”

Suzanne: “Well, I read so much about women getting all this gratification out of sex, but I just can’t seem to let go when I’m intimate with my husband, if you know what I mean.”

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Stop the Violence: Teach Anger Management

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_208623469We are the home of the brave and the land of the free. We are also the land of the violent. Other countries do not understand why Americans are so violent, and neither do we. They say there are 99 guns for every 100 people. But the issue is not handguns. Take away the handguns and there will be stabbings. We think the issue is violence on television. But why is there violence on television in the first place? Because we demand it. Some of us think that the issue is policing. Yet, the most brutal and sustained violence in this country takes place behind closed doors, where police cannot go until it is too late.

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Domestic Violence: A New System to Repair the Pain

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_195856706The Ray Rice video has put a renewed spotlight on domestic violence. The Department of Justice reports:
■ Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
■ Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
■ Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends

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Afraid of Your Own Anger – Part 2

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_212327191Therapist: “Why did you wait so long to let your girlfriend know that her critical remarks made you angry?”

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Afraid of Your Own Anger – Part 1

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_143912440Sam: “I have an unusual problem. I’m not afraid of other people; I’m afraid of me. I’m afraid of what I might do. For instance, I let my ex-girlfriend criticize me for years because I was afraid of what I’d do if I ever opened up. ”

Therapist: “So you internalize your anger.”

Sam: “I thought I was controlling it.”

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Self Doubt: Challenging Negative Assumptions about Yourself

By Aaron Karmin

Client: “I believed that my judgment couldn’t be trusted.”

Therapist: “That’s right. That was something you have come to accept as ‘fact’. You didn’t question it rationally or objectively when you were a child. And you never went back to check it out as an adult”

Client: “I’ve been struggling ever since.”

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Self Doubt: Do You Deserve to Succeed?

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_183237143Judgment is the organ of decision making and it does not operate in a vacuum. We all have beliefs about how reliable our judgment is. If we respect ourselves, we are likely to trust our judgment and have faith that we will make successful choices. If we do not respect ourselves, we cannot trust our judgment to guide us through life. As a result, we may look to others for approval and guidance on what is best.

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Does Jealousy Ruin Your Relationships?

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_188164217Jealousy can be a problem in any type of relationship and can appear in anyone’s life at any time. Whether you are jealous of your partner, a friend, a family member or a co-worker, the effects are the same.

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Has Your Relationship Suffered Since the Baby was Born?

By Aaron Karmin

shutterstock_117036583Everyone tells new parents how hard it’s going to be. But you can’t really know till you’re there yourself, sleep deprived, wanting to do your best at this very important job, and always feeling overwhelmed by the demands. This is an especially hard time for couples.

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Recent Comments
  • Aaron Karmin: Hello Thanks for posting. I agree that there are many areas of education that can help address and...
  • Aaron Karmin: I value the information and appreciate the resources. I will certainly check them out
  • Sandy Mitchell: Hi Aaron, nice to meet you. I appreciate your concern with understanding the causes of violence. I...
  • Aaron Karmin: Hello Thanks for posting. I agree with the view shame as a painful emotion. I see shame as caused by...
  • ThinkingThings: Extreme statements typically are not correct, and in this case “there is no violence without...
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