When we allow people to vent their feelings and bare their frustrations, we might feel that the conflict is just getting worse. Often we can benefit by staying with the conflict a little while longer. Reversing an old saying, we could be witnessing the storm before the calm.
When we find the causes of our problems, we don't find "sick" inner parts; we find old assumptions, old beliefs, old expectations, old commitments, or old goals that we now see as limited. We feel excited about finally finding the inner sources of our problems, and we want to change these old parts of ourselves. The result of self-exploration is not horror at what we find, but relief that it is not nearly as bad as we feared--and peace at discovering the truth.
There is no urgency to explain or defend. If things get tense take a break and then invite a conversation, rather pushing someone into a discussion. Invitations support cooperation, rather then bullying others into speaking when its convenient only for you. It can help to ask:
If your words say one thing, and your actions another, guess which is the more credible? Think of a friend, for example, who says, "I really don't care which movie we see tonight," but doesn't look at you while he is speaking, and has a voice that sounds resigned and tired. Which message will you believe?
Emotions are a normal and healthy part of the human experience. However, when they are ignored these feelings become "impacted" and create pressure, tension and internal discomfort, which results in pain. For many, the impulse to relieve their pain is thwarted by immense fear. So again, they “bottle up” their feelings and they become “impacted.”