When you form a connection with your partner, it means there is an implied understanding of values, a common frame of reference, a series of shared experience and a sense that you are both on the same page. These connections form the bonds that foster trust and promote intimacy.
Do not take hurtful words literally as if he/she means what he/she says. He/she is merely “firing for effect.” He/she wants to intimidate and uses strong words or tone to show dominance. This is done to push you into submitting. You are not the worst person in the world. You can choose not to take his/her words at face value.
“I’m sorry” is not an admission of guilt, but a statement of regret. Guilt means you are wrong and need to be punished. Regret is the wish that things were other than they are. You would like to undo what occurred, but you can't. This thing happened, and it’s regrettable.
This is the third installment about a client I was seeing. Now he and his wife had been married for 12 years and my client, George would go into uncontrollable rages over nothing at all. When his wife asked why, he would always say, “I don’t know what got into me.” His wife, Nancy, was afraid of his anger. She was afraid to talk to him for fear of setting off an eruption. She experienced anxiety most of the time when he was home, and sometimes even when we was not.