P8010076If you love her, support her.

-Randy Pausch

Love may seem magical, whimsical, steered by the forces of fate, timing and chemistry…but, in fact, love thrives when people behave well towards one another and withers when they treat one another badly. (Duh!!)

There’s quite a bit of good research out there on love, and by all means you should begin with the work of John and Julie Gottman, who have literally boiled marriage down to a science. (Worth mentioning: Most of the Gottman’s observations apply to all relationships: parent-child, friend-friend, etc, not just couples.)

The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse is the Gottman’s name for the four tell-tale behaviors in a doomed marriage. This video is informative and also oh so funny!

Masters of Love (a very good article about the Gottmans’ work)

My favorite relationship books are:

The Relationship Cure, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, The Science of Trust, all by John Gottman

After the Honeymoon, by Daniel B. Wile

Not “Just Friends”, by Shirley Glass

Should You Leave?, by Peter Kramer

 And here’s a wonderful website about How to Validate Other People’s Feelings, including excerpts from the Gottmans, Haim Ginott and more.



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    Last reviewed: 8 Jan 2015

APA Reference
Cousins, L. (2015). Relationships Are Not Mysterious or Impossible; They’re Just Really Complicated (Day Eight: Twelve Days of Wisdom). Psych Central. Retrieved on January 30, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/always-learning/2015/01/relationships-are-not-mysterious-or-impossible-theyre-just-really-complicated-day-eight-twelve-days-of-wisdom/




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