By Leigh Pretnar Cousins, MS
I’m going to devote my Tuesday blog posts to the topic of Psychology, Human Behavior and Relationships. What makes people tick?
What do you most need in order to feel secure and loved?
In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson suggest that you answer this question in writing, and then have this conversation with your partner.
In case it’s difficult to put your feelings into words, Dr. Johnson provides this list of phrases partners have named, and suggests you use these as a checklist or starting point:
I need to sense that:
- I am special to you and that you really value our relationship. I need the reassurance that I am number one with you and that nothing is more important to you than us.
- I am wanted by you, as a partner and a lover, that making me happy is important to you.
- I am loved and accepted, with my failings and imperfections. I can’t be perfect for you.
- I am needed. You want me close.
- I am safe because you care about my feelings, hurts and needs.
- I can count on you to be there for me, to not leave me alone when I need you the most.
- I will be heard and respected. Please don’t dismiss me or leap into thinking the worst of me. Give me a chance to learn how to be with you.
- I can count on you to hear me and to put everything else aside.
- I can ask you to hold me and to understand that just asking is very hard for me.
[I've decided to decorate Tuesday's posts with images of people. I love this painting of a couple having a conversation. It hangs in the stairwell of a wonderful little B&B in Paris called les Degrés de Notre Dame]
Leigh Pretnar Cousins, MS is an educator, counselor, writer and speaker. She's been a tutor, test prep coach and home school teacher for over thirty years. Leigh also teaches communication and relationship skills to couples and families. Leigh's current projects include Understanding the People You Love, a series of "practical psychology" lessons for parents and couples, and
LisSurMer, a retreat on Cape Cod for highly sensitive and creative people. Click
HERE to visit Leigh's website and
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Last reviewed: 16 Nov 2011
APA Reference
Cousins, L. (2011). Talking to Your Partner About Safety and Trust. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 21, 2012, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/always-learning/2011/11/talking-to-your-partner-about-safety-and-trust/
I’m going to devote my Tuesday blog posts to the topic of Psychology, Human Behavior and Relationships. What makes people tick?
