Archive for July, 2011

How to Be Genuinely Helpful: 5 Tips

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

Too many chiefs and not enough indians! my mom would cry.

She’d ask for a small, simple piece of help (Would you please grab one end of this coffee table?)…

…and instead we’d pepper her with unsolicited questions and opinions and advice:

Why are you moving it? It looks fine here! Are you sure you’re supposed to be lugging furniture around? What about your back? It’s about time you got rid of that coffee table, and the sofa’s pretty shabby, too. You really ought to break down and spend some money on new furniture. What will the neighbors think? Have you ever used Murphy’s soap; it might take out that stain….


Are Inconsistent Parenting Styles Harmful?

Sunday, July 24th, 2011

A dad complained to me that he and his wife have different disciplinary styles. He’s stricter; she tends to let things go.

And his wife will contradict him. The family will all be at the dinner table, and he’ll say something to one of the kids about their manners, and his wife will tell him to stop being so picky.

He’s worried that the kids are being confused, that inconsistent messages are harmful, that the kids won’t develop any manners because of the conflicting information.

Here’s what I said:


An Independent Woman Realizes a Serious Relationship Mistake

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011

Marriage is for those women who, instead of being admired by many men, prefer to be criticized by one.

-Katharine Hepburn

People use words as weapons, to defend themselves. It is common for people to attack with anger when they are afraid and to become insulting when they are hurt or jealous.

-Dr. Shirley Glass

The independent woman referenced in my title? Me.


Capture Summertime in A Gratitude Journal

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

Summer is such a magical time, and it passes too quickly.

It’s the perfect time to start, or renew, your gratitude journal.

The concept is simple: There’s beauty and pleasure all around us, but we often don’t notice it or get enough enjoyment out of it, because we’re focused on all our pressures and problems.

Keeping a gratitude journal gets us to:

  1. Change our focus and scan our environment for pleasures, not problems.
  2. Notice and savor the good things, spend more time enjoying them.
  3. Indulge in their details by describing them in writing.
  4. Hold on to them by recording them.

I began actively retraining my focus in this manner many years ago, so that by now I automatically notice simple pleasures I dare say most people do not.


 

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