Because we and our loved ones manage to devise so many ways for fear to bind our hearts – fear of intimacy, disappointment, embarrassment, confrontation – we often hurt each other without really meaning to. We hurt one another by learning, over the practice of a lifetime, how to protect ourselves from pain. Add to this all the mistakes we make and the mistakes others make, and forgiveness becomes essential. (p 49)
Here are the questions I am asking myself:
I used to believe that my feelings were directly linked to The Truth, both internal and external. That my emotions were like a litmus test on Reality. That all I needed to do was tune in to my feelings, and the Answers would emerge.
Well, no, that’s not how it actually works:
YES!…it definitely is! I cherish and appreciate and enjoy the heck out of my loved ones. They truly do make my life worth living.
And now for one of our challenges:
Matt (my son) was a history/philosophy major, and so when the two of us sit around chatting the subject matter frequently spins off and lands on one of those classic topics. Fate vs. free will. Objective vs. subjective reality. That sort of thing.
So, I’m a lot busier, yes.
But what’s getting in the way of my blogging isn’t so much the scarcity of time. It’s the nature of this new job, which is a writing and editing job.
A few weeks ago we opened a discussion about Love, Lying and Trust. Here are my final points on this matter.
#6. Accept him.
“Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shalt not be disappointed.”
I mean this in a good way. If you can accept your partner just the way they are, you are in the best position to be happy and satisfied.
I’ve forgotten the title of a relationship book I recall from the 1980’s, which said:
People are like blue-plate specials. If you order the meatloaf, you get the peas…if you order the chicken it comes with green beans…No Substitutions!
This came to mind recently when a gal-pal of mine complained that her super-charged high-powered executive husband will not relax on vacation. How could she get him to just lie on the beach and chill out instead of washing his car, going for ten-mile runs, supervising the lawn service guys and checking his Blackberry every ten seconds?