I’m glad that I appear to have hit a nerve with this topic.

Daniele writes:

Thank you for finally saying it.

A mature person does not bail on a relationship just because there is trouble.

I fully understand the phenomena of denial; I was not in denial.  I stayed for as long as I could, trying to save a 20-year marriage with children.  As a result, I was called co-dependent and mentally ill.  Was I sad?  Absolutely, a family was ending.  But co-dependent or mentally ill?  No.

I also fully understand the term verbal abuse; name-calling by people with the power to make decisions over your future….name-calling using words such as co-dependent and mentally ill.

Psychologists need to re-evaluate their formative training focusing less on categorizing people as diseases and more on helping them.

I agree with Daniele. We need more support and constructive help for fixing our troubled relationships. We need answers to WHY people behave the way they do, WHY problems occur, and WHAT to do about them.

And instead of shaming and pathologizing the strong, brave people who hang in there and try to make their tough relationships work, I say we remember to respect them for:

• Believing in the worth of another human being (hanging in through hard times, not abandoning someone they love)
• Believing in the value of relationships (not discarding them as soon as they are painful)
• Believing in their own power (that an individual might have the strength and talent to solve problems, make improvements, fix things that are wrong)

[snow-day photo; a great day for writing!]

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    Last reviewed: 29 Jul 2011