Over the weekend, Hannah was home with me and we rented Up in the Air. (Summertime is when I try and catch up on movies; Hannah had already seen and recommended it).

Hannah then wrote a post about Up in the Air, from her perspective as a blogger on gender issues. And now here comes my take on the same movie, as I wear my relationship-dynamics-blogger hat.

We both enjoyed the twist on the usual love story. (I’ve wondered in print whether romance must be conventional; here was a story about one which was not).

[Spoiler alert! Plot summary ahead!]

Ryan (George Clooney), is a single, commitment-phobic guy who travels for a living and thrives on this lifestyle. He meets a woman, Alex (Vera Farmiga), who seems like a female version of himself. Alex also flies all over the country for her job, and she readily enters with him into a fun, sexual romance.

Ryan grows to realize that he wants a “real” relationship after all. He hops on a plane to Alex’s hometown and arrives, unannounced, at her front door, surely expecting (as are we) for Alex to throw herself into his arms in teary glee over his finally becoming hers.

Instead, Alex stares in shock, and we hear her husband behind her calling “Honey, who is that?”as she closes the door on Ryan. Later, Alex calls Ryan and gently berates him for the near-disaster to her home life.  She explains that he is an escape for her, a parenthesis in her life.  And she’d love to continue the affair, if he’s interested.

Imagine this! A woman who wasn’t angling for a commitment! Hannah and I loved the surprise, and the way it shined a light on the assumptions we make about what women supposedly want from relationships.

I keep thinking about this, and I’ve come up with tons of questions. Like these:

What if Alex had been single?

• After all, she already had a marriage relationship
• Can you imagine a single woman opting for a casual romance instead of a serious commitment?
• Is being single, sexually-active, and uninterested in commitment a valid lifestyle choice for a woman? For a man?
• Is it psychologically healthy?

How do you feel about Alex?

• Is non-monogamy ever OK?
• Is she hurting her marriage by having affairs when she travels?
• Is she perhaps stabilizing her marriage, by getting some of her needs met elsewhere?
• Should she have told Ryan about her husband and family?

What if the tables were turned?

• Would we have enjoyed a movie in which Alex shows up at Ryan’s door and discovers his wife and family? (I suspect not)
• Is it true in real life that women want commitment more than men do?

What about Alex and Ryan’s relationship?

• Was it meaningless?
• Was it valid?
• Was it healthy?
• Alex says more than once: I am an adult. Was this a mature relationship?

What do you think?

photo: a view of Paris, France

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (June 4, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 4 Jun 2010