How would you describe what a good relationship feels like?

I have the image of two rivers joining and flowing into one another, their currents melding into a powerful, moving, living force.

And my experience of relationship struggle has felt like a clash of forces, of me trying to swim upstream against the current of my partner’s opposition.

Often I’ve felt as if it was a battle between his needs and mine, with not enough time or energy to go around to satisfy us both.

So a comment from Carmella, excerpted here, really got my attention:

The book Conscious Loving talks about how couples in healthy relationships…allow the other person to be who they are, and don’t do things that would limit their partner’s growth.

…couples in what they call “co-committed” relationships don’t feel threatened by their partner’s individuality. Instead, they support and encourage it and the partner does the same for them

…such relationships promote a lot of positive creativity because they’re not busy having conflict or trying to limit each other due to insecurities or a need to control.

Energy is freed up to put into other pursuits with the caring support of the partner.

The conscious agreement is that they will support each other’s growth…they are proud of each other’s accomplishments, take an interest in each other’s projects, get excited about their partner’s goals and professional and creative successes.

The book discusses the perception of scarcity. Have you felt this? I know I have! That feeling that the relationship is getting in your way, your partner’s demands are holding you back, their needs are sapping too many resources?

I’ve been exploring how much of this feeling is, indeed, merely a perception. An illusion. Energy can be tilted back into the same positive, mutual direction.

Look at Free Spirit‘s question:

HOW CAN A BALANCE BE FULLY ACHIEVED BETWEEN TWO IDENTICAL TWIN LOVERS IN ALMOST EVERYTHING THEY DO AND THINK, BUT ONE SUFFERS AND STRUGGLES TO COME TO TERMS WITH A ” GUILT DEPRESSION ” AND THE OTHER A ” SORROW DEPRESSION ” ?

IM A WIDOW HE’S A DIVORCÉE !!??? QUITE TRICKY !!!
WE ARE A MATURE COUPLE VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH A DREAM AND A POSITIVE VISION TO THE FUTURE.

THERE IS A GOOD COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING AND A STRONG PSYCHOLOGICAL BOND. UNFORTUNATELY THERE ARE ISSUES TOO PAINFUL TO OVERCOME

I hope that Free Spirit and her partner can:

• recognize that mature lovers always have emotional baggage to deal with.
• see that they have the same issue (guilt), and use this as a bond between them.
• imagine that the need to resolve their guilt feelings might be part of what drew them to each other.
• become a stronger couple by working together, by directing their energies towards the same goal.

Please share your own thoughts!

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (May 9, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 29 Jul 2011