We’re talking about the theory of matched differentiation, which says that couples pair off with partners of equal maturity.

I’ve been challenging the assumptions I believe we make about age differences in relationships, especially the assumption that it’s necessarily some sort of parent-child dynamic being played out.

In yesterday’s post I made the case that sometimes age skews actually result in a better balance of maturity, or at least of power, than might same-age matches.

One example from the celebrity world that has always impressed me is Celine Dion and her husband Rene Angelil. (And do we ever really knows what goes on inside any marriage? For all I know, this one will implode a la Sandra and Jesse the day after I make this post!)

But by all external appearances as of this writing, theirs is a strong, stable union between two mature people. And there’s a 26-year gap between their ages; coincidentally the exact difference as between Norman and Norris Mailer.

I find it admirable that Rene Angelil has devoted his life to managing and supporting his wife’s career and remaining quietly in the background as Celine enjoys the spotlight. They’ve weathered his bout with cancer and their fertility issues.

Rene indeed seems the epitome of the steady, mature older man. But Celine doesn’t appear to be the irresponsible, flaky little child-woman who needs a daddy. Instead, she seems like someone who was more mature and focused than the average girl:

From an early age Dion had dreamed of being a performer.^[12] In a 1994 interview with People magazine, she recalled, “I missed my family and my home, but I don’t regret having lost my adolescence. I had one dream: I wanted to be a singer.”^[25]

The impression I get is that adolescent Celine would have been miles ahead of the boys her own age.

So how do we define maturity? We have some feel for it; we know it when we see it.

Here’s a list of well-known couples. Which seem “mature”? Which seem “immature”? Which seem well-matched? Which appear to have one mature partner and one immature partner?

• Michelle and Barack Obama
• Sarah and Todd Palin
• Cindy and John McCain
• Hillary and Bill Clinton
• Sandra Bullock and Jesse James
• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
• Bruce Willis and Emma Heming
• Madonna and Jesus Luz
• Katherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas
• Mary Matalin and James Carville
• Rachel Maddow and Susan Mikula
• Heidi Klum and Seal

We’ll talk more about “what means maturity?” tomorrow!

A Monet at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC

Good Music for a Good Cause: UFO’s album, Unity Creates Strength, benefits Chile and Haiti.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (April 11, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 11 Apr 2010