I’ve been blogging about personality disorders because I don’t believe we understand just how devastating they are.

Personality disorders cause unspeakable pain to sufferers and those who love them. They break up families, ruin lives, cause suicides, devastate finances, and put loved ones through years and decades of confusion and agony.

Personality disorders are harmful distortions in a person’s sense of Self. People with PD have twisted, maladapted experiences of who they are.

At first, this sounds trivial. But stop for a minute and think about it. Your Self is, really, all you’ve got! Imagine not knowing who you are, or being confused as to who you are, or receiving constant messages from the world outside that you are not who you feel yourself to be.

Personality-disordered people have severely skewed, maladapted experiences of themselves and the world around them. Their self-image is so off-base that they can’t function successfully in the real world. A person with a PD  gets one set of signals about himself from inside, but then gets very different feedback from the world.

The personality-disordered individual suffers constant cognitive dissonance, unpleasant “reality bites” which conflict with her inner experience. Because of this, personality-disordered people develop rigid, inflexible personalities. They are always on the defensive, protecting their vulnerable, poorly-adapted Self from jolts from Reality.

Some of the protective mechanisms personality-disordered people develop include:

• Lying, to conceal or deny uncomfortable realities, or to exaggerate needs so other people will respond more urgently.
• Cheating, or “emotional affairs,” to get extra attention and support. The attention of one lover may simply not be enough.
• Self-Centeredness. It takes all of the PD person’s attention and energy to keep defending her own psychic castle from attack, leaving little room to think about the needs of others or appreciate them as real people.
• Rage, to express fear and frustration, and to transfer blame and responsibility onto someone else.
• Self-Injury, to get attention, or to try and feel in control. “Hurting myself is better than feeling random pain I can’t control.”
• Substance abuse, to escape from painful, confusing, terrifying feelings.
• Stalking. Trying to stay connected to a lost lover, grasping for control over a loss.
• Black-and-white thinking. Overly-simplifying issues in an attempt to feel more in control.
• Paranoia. “I’m OK; it’s other people who are out to get me.”
• Fantasy. “I’m a brave martyr, I’m a little lost princess, I’m an unrecognized genius,” etc.

Personality disorders are gravely serious. They cause unimaginable pain. Let’s all talk more, learn more, and find ways to help more.

photo of road through the rain, Redding CT

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (March 1, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 1 Mar 2010