I’ve been writing a lot lately about the roles of parents in their children’s development and mental health. I work every day with parents and children, and I become involved in their concerns.

I am especially touched when kids have serious problems. The parents suffer so much and so badly need support. I’ve been involved with many families where a child was severely physically or mentally ill. It’s frustrating and so unfair to see all the support parents get when their child has a physical problem, but the scrutiny and relative lack of sympathy when it’s a mental disorder.

It’s also dangerous, because so many mental illnesses take root during childhood and adolescence. Treating mental illnesses in adults is so much harder than treating them in children, and the best case is not letting illnesses take hold at all.

In one instance, a child was having severe school problems, including panic attacks, dissociation, and inappropriate behavior towards teachers and other adults. The parents searched tirelessly for help. Most therapists flatly admitted they didn’t know what to do and “fired” the family after a few sessions. At least one therapist was convinced that working with the child wasn’t even necessary; the “dysfunctional family” was “obviously” the problem and it was “clearly” the parents who needed to be in counseling!

After almost two years of searching, the correct diagnosis, of a very serious mental illness, was made for this child. When I spoke to this last doctor, she bemoaned: Everyone has been blaming the victims!

These parents happened to be well-educated, assertive, financially secure people with strong support networks, and still they had to struggle so hard and endure so much confusion and scrutiny as they battled to get help for their child. Instead of receiving support, they so often had to defend themselves for their supposed “bad parenting” and “dysfunctional home life.”

Most families don’t have anything like these resources. What happens to them when a child has a mental illness?

We used to blame parents (especially mothers) for the most serious mental illnesses; thank goodness we no longer believe that autism and schizophrenia are caused by poor parenting!

I know there are “bad” parents out there.

But there are a heck of a lot more good ones, doing their very best for their kids, and receiving too little support.

Our research and our public health system need to do a better job of understanding the causes of mental illnesses and delivering the right kinds of help to children and families.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (March 20, 2010)

calisue (March 22, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 20 Mar 2010