I have been MIA and have not written, quite frankly, because of all of the wonderful things added to my schedule and my ADHD.  I embarked on a journey of my dreams in working to create a better world for all, including those with mental health issues, and simply have not found the ability to focus to sit down and reach out.  My apologies!

I thought first I would fill you in on my progress as it relates so very well to all of us in many ways.

I started the nonprofit iFred seven years ago, by default, but it has grown to be a strong passion of mine as I continue to learn the truths about depression and the lack of resources available.  I launched a national cause marketing campaign through my for-profit company, the Mood-factory, in Lowe’s stores nationwide, where iFred earns $0.25 of each light bulb sold for iFred, the International Foundation for Research and Education on Depression.

I started a company eight years ago to develop a product line of light bulbs based on how colors affect moods and named them Mood-lites.  Researchers have shown that colors have an affect on moods, so I took the theory and applied it to lighting.

These lights are NOT meant to treat any depression, but function as an additional way to create a certain mood in a room as you would with colored pillows, art and wall colors.

The World Health Organization states that depression is treatable, yet less than 25% of people in the U.S. needing treatment are getting treatment due to stigma and lack of resources (which is most likely due to stigma).  Stigma, put in marketing terms, is a negative brand or perception.  It shocks me each and every day that people are not getting help because they feel ‘shame’ connected to walking in to the doctor and saying “something is just not right with my brain.”

The brain is the most complex organ in the human body.  Just as the heart and liver get diseased, so does the brain.  We need to do what we can to take care of it, and treat it when it gets sick.  The brain is impacted by everything we put in our body; alcohol, food, nutrients, chemicals AND by the thoughts, perceptions and experiences of our every day lives.  It seems quite natural that it may become imbalanced, and need some assistance, especially if we have any of the three things most likely to cause a person to be depressed; genetic disposition, history of child abuse, or traumatic life event.

So I started iFred, the International Foundation of Research and Education on Depression.  There is a fancy mission statement, but it’s basically this: to re-brand depression.  The concept is, if we change the image people associate with depression, it will lead to more people feeling comfortable seeking treatment, more organizations willing to fund nonprofits supporting depression, and an overall prevention of depressive episodes through lifestyle education.  Think of Maslov’s experiments, and how he got a dog to salivate from ringing a bell.

We are focusing on primarily three things:

The Sunflower
The focus on Hope
The Color Yellow

This may seem simple, but we have spent centuries associating problems of the mind with imagery of isolation, loneliness, solitude, sadness and hopelessness, and the negative imagery seems to be ‘branded’ in every single person’s heads.  While this picture may very well be what a person feels when in the midst of a depressive episode — it is NOT the overall outlook for depression.

I am a vibrant, funny, creative and happy person when not in the midst of a depression — it is time we focused on getting all people to that state.

So while I have been gone for some time, it is not for my lack of care for all of you or disinterest in the work.  It is my need to find a healthy balance in life to balance the nonprofit, my for profit company and other activities.  I hope to be writing on a much more regular basis, as I absolutely adore this group and find writing an incredibly healing part of my overall journey.

We launched Field for Hope this year from the money generated, so please be sure to visit it at www.fieldforhope.org.  Donate a dollar and plant a seed for hope to honor someone with depression.  Watch it bloom in one of our fifteen locations around the world, and support international work to eradicate the stigma of depression.

Looking forward to your feedback, comments, and suggestions on this new work.

With love,

Kathryn

I’ve just recently been asked to join their advisory board, and continue to be amazed and impressed by the work of all throughout the world.

It was celebrated across the U.S. when we were able to get mental health parity law passed.  I don’t by any means intend to minimize this work – but do we realize that what we accomplished was to treat the brain in a similar fashion to the heart, liver, and intestines?  Should we really have to fight that hard for that?  Those that were involved in the legislation understand the intense work, dedication, and challenge this simple piece of legislation involved – and unfortunately the rest of the world is so far behind us in many different ways.In Accra, Ghana, for example, folks with mental health issues, including depression, are chained to trees and made to fast in the hot sun to chase out the ‘supposed demons.’  There is legislation being proposed now to make it a crime to rape those with mental health disease.  Imagine rape NOT being considered a crime?  People that appear ‘different’ are abused, ostracized, and instead of being put in places that help, are just put in circumstances that bring out the worst of their depression, creating a worse problem.

I, personally, can’t imagine growing up in a place where I see people killed on the streets every day.  Where war and crime are a common part of each and every day.  An environment where women are brutally violated and kids are treated like property.  Where my fear does not just stem from ‘dad getting mad,’ but from fear of staying alive from day to day.

I was filled with awe as I saw people from all over the world at this Global Mental Health Movement Conference courageously fighting for the rights of others while risking their own life by speaking out on these abuses throughout the world.  In the U.S. we fear for our reputation when we disclose our mental health disease or advocate for others.  Imagine living in a country where you fear for your LIFE by talking about it.

Media outlets shy away as well.  They don’t want to touch the subject.  Thankfully, we had the BBC on site covering everything we did, interviewing doctors, survivors of abuse, schizophrenic patients, world advocates and more.  Interesting enough, they won an award for the show and stated it had an incredibly high listenership and folks from all over the world tuned in, asking questions and sharing stories.  We are all one.

I found it interesting that it was challenging to get doctors to speak on record from other countries, because they don’t want to give information that is not ‘right.’  Unfortunately, the reality is there is so LITTLE we know about mental health issues doctors don’t realize their expertise is all we have at this time.  We need to share what we know, until we learn more and have better information and can build on our mistakes.  Without a voice from doctors, mental health does not get the importance and seriousness it needs to be understood as a medical condition that has both psychological AND physiological components.

I strongly encourage you all to show your support on a global scale, and JOIN THE MOVEMENT- your company, you personally, or your nonprofit.  It’s free, and a symbolic and powerful way to support others that risk their lives every day fighting for the rights of others that can not speak for themselves.

Find out more about Mental Health Blog Day below!

I was pondering what to say back when I read an excerpt from “A Practical Guide to Meditation and Prayer” by J. Douglas Bottorff.  It is literally the most brilliant advice I have read in quite some time that helps articulate why anyone can benefit from therapy.  Do me a favor; read it a few times, and just sit with it for a bit and let me know how it resonates.

It reads: 

“I know a man whose life is in constant turmoil and yet he displays an optimistic attitude that it is all good.  There is nothing good about the turmoil he is going through, however, unless he begins to see in himself the cause for the turmoil.  As he sees this and changes the patterns in his consciousness that produce the problems, he will begin to derive the good from the tumultuous conditions and will be lifted into a level where these conditions do not exist.”

We pay an accountant to manage our finances, an attorney to fight our legal battles, and yet people say “do not go to a counselor  – because they don’t know anything.”  But I don’t have to be rich or broke to get an accountant, a good or bad person to get an attorney, so I don’t know why we think we need to be sick or healthy to get some insight into our brain.  There is a ton we don’t know about the brain, so the counselor may not know a lot more than you, but I bet they know more.

In answer to my questions:  If things aren’t working, and you want them to work, I say find a great therapist and work though it!

Find someone who is trained, who has more education than you do on the brain.  Shop around until you match with someone.  Take a listening class and learn how to understand insights from other people.

The bottom line is you don’t have to ‘NEED’ therapy to benefit from therapy.  Don’t call them your therapist – call them your top-secret strategic brain technician.  It is so easy to say ‘It was the other person’s fault.’  My guess is you will find, in any situation, that it is a bit of both.  The key is to stop worrying about who to blame and start really digging in to what you want your life to be.

There is no better feeling than to be 100% authentic with someone, admitting your worst secrets and mistakes without judgment, and being unconditionally loved anyway.  Talking through those mistakes to understand your part in what brought you to that point (even if it is the other person’s fault – you someone got there).  And then making changes so you have a lower likelihood in the future of repeating them.

If you want to find a therapist in your area, check www.goodtherapy.org.  Good luck!

photo credit: WingedWolf

There are three things a parent must first be willing to give in order to start on this journey:

• Time – it is going to require time and patience to teach a child yoga and meditation.  Can you give it?
• Empathy – a person needs to get in the mind of the child.  THINK like a child.  What are the obstacles for the child?  How do they usually learn?  Are you using a reward that you would like, or that the child would like?  Make sure it is geared to the specific child.
• Rewards - they do not have to be monetary, but all children love rewards.  Whether it is words of affirmation, reduction in chores, 30 minutes added to their bed time, an additional allowance, or the ability to have extra play time. Use what works for the child.

The earlier you start the child, the better.   Some suggestions for getting children excited about meditating:

• Allow them to create a calm corner in their room.  Make sure the colors are soothing as opposed to stimulating – light blues and greens are the most calming.  Buy them a cool eye masks from Target for $1.00 so they get some help closing their eyes.  Take them to find a special rock or stick that they think is neat and can place on their ‘altar.’  Create a tie die or Disney or sports pillow case they can sit on during their practice.
• Find out if the child’s heroes meditate.  Ask them to find out for you.  Show them all the ‘cool people’ they admire that meditate.
• Make sure to do it at a time when they are their calmest.  Maybe when they wake up?  Or perhaps after they are done with school and need a rest?  Definitely avoid times where they are their most energetic and excited.

Some additional things you can do to help generate a child friendly environment for meditating:

• Write to Disney Producers and ask them to have some episodes where they children meditate to reduce stress / conflict.  Instead of being catty and talking about other girls, have them generate internal calm by taking a five minute meditation break.  Get child programming to make it trendy and cool.
• Find a local class for teaching children to meditate at your local rec center or church.  If they don’t have one, ask them to create one.  If you have one, encourage your own meditation group to have a ‘bring your child’ day, so that you are passing down the tradition of meditating.
• Write to Congress encouraging them to include meditation in school – even for five minutes at the beginning of the day.  Teach children how to set their intentions, how to get an inner quiet, focus, and relax.  It is FREE curriculum and yet so important.
• Write to your local paper asking them to publish an article on children and meditation, so you get more people in your community interested and teaching their own children.

It astounds me that we teach little to children on emotional regulation and management, yet when it comes to life that ability to manage moods and impulses is what can make or break your success.  It isn’t my math scores or my ability to recite poetry that has created the majority of my problems and successes in life, it is the ability to successfully manage my emotions and express them in ways that help instead of hurt me.

Teaching children skills like meditating are a step towards helping them learn how to feel things, integrate them into experiences without acting out, and then let them go.

Does your child meditate?  What works / doesn’t work?

photo credit: theloushe

I had a horrible meditation yesterday, and every inch of my being was kicking and screaming saying MOVE.  I was just SO uncomfortable in my sitting position and it was painful to sit still, not because of any medical condition but just because I wanted to explode physically like I was about to fall over in a chair and had all that building energy.   I did it anyway.

After the sitting, Jack Kornfield talks about what to do if you have that total and complete restless feeling in you.  That feeling of “I can’t sit here for another second” using whatever excuse you need to get you out of the feeling.  He said if it gets THAT hard, and your mind simply WON’T sit still…  (drum roll)…  too bad, sit through it, you aren’t going to die, nobody has ever died from restlessness.  So much for my pass to escape.

I got a number of comments on a previous meditation post that said meditation should NOT be painful.  I agree in many respects.  If your back is bad don’t hurt it more, if you have a broken leg don’t sit on the floor just to do it, etc.  However I also believe that some things in life that are good for us take discipline and may be extremely uncomfortable at first, but it doesn’t mean you should not be doing it.

You know what I got sitting through my discomfort yesterday?  The realization that, no, I won’t die. And that sitting through it, while uncomfortable in the short-term, is extremely beneficial to me in the long-term.

Continuing to practice my meditation will help me:

• Reduce my impulsivity; I don’t have to act NOW, no matter how strong that desire inside me feels.
• Stop running from my emotions; Sitting through the anxiety, discomfort, anger, frustration, and everything else I might feel, is OK.  It all passes.
• Allow me to live more in the moment; I don’t have to be rushing around to feel productive, what I am really searching for in that productivity is peace within.

I wish I had meditated as a younger person.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I am making my biggest contribution to society while exhibiting the least amount of effort.  I’m taking time out to care for myself and make better short-term decisions that will benefit me in the long-term, and I am being rewarded.  Meditation is BY FAR the best tool I have found that trains me to literally sit through my impulses, as they, too, shall pass.

What helps you most with your impulsivity / hyperactivity?

photo credit: clogette

My thirties forced me to reconsider, when I came down with Lyme’s disease that went undiagnosed for many years, and unfortunately became chronic. My aching muscles and bones, and troubled chest gasped at the runs and protested on my long swims. It was then that I learned just how critical meditation and yoga was to my mental health, and what a difference there was between the two in bringing peace, tranquility, and stillness to my life.

I once thought it would be impossible for me to do meditation or yoga with an active body, but even as I have gained a lot of my strength back, I still need them both for different reasons. It may seem odd to you I am even making the comparison, but if you have always been running like me you probably understand the disconnect. The online dictionary gives the following definitions for yoga and meditation:

yo·ga (yg)

n.

1. also Yoga A Hindu discipline aimed at training the consciousness for a state of perfect spiritual insight and tranquility.

2. A system of exercises practiced as part of this discipline to promote control of the body and mind.

med·i·ta·tion (md-tshn)

n.

1.

a. The act or process of meditating.
b. A devotional exercise of or leading to contemplation.

2. A contemplative discourse, usually on a religious or philosophical subject

I never imagined I would like either, much less LOVE them and need them BOTH in my life. They serve very different purposes to me and help my ADHD uniquely. The following is what I have found beneficial of each:

Yoga

* Allows me to expend a ton of energy, much more than I ever would have imagined as when I concentrate on engaging all of my muscles.
* Creates a very directed and focused practice that allows me to use my mind for a very specific goal.
* Brings oxygen deep into my body through engaged breathing.

Meditation

* Quiets the mind. Literally gives my mind a rest and break from the constant work and thoughts that frequent it.
* Force my emotions to settle in my body and express themselves if they need to do so.
* Guarantees me 30 minutes of self-love and peace every single day.

I wish I had started as a kid, as it probably would have saved me tons of energy with my external movement, allowing me to do more of the internal movement I needed throughout life. If I HAD to choose one it would probably be meditation, as there are a lot of other ways you can get similar types of experiences in expression to yoga. However, I have yet to find anything even close to meditation in regards to being able to fully release judgment and attachments, and simply embrace being.

How often do you unconditionally self-love yourself every day?

Photo by lululemonathletica, available under a Creative Commons attribution license.

When I find I am getting more and more distracted with my ADHD, I practice the art of engagement by engaging my senses.  The five senses that I was born with, but often forget are there because my mind is on the fast track.  The sense of smell, taste, touch, sound, and sight.This is especially helpful when I am feeling negative energy, because if I don’t do some type of soft interference I can lose my sense of being and am instead in my mind.  Engaging one of my senses allows me to get back in the moment, and be present.

Here are some simple, yet profound ways to use your senses any time you find your ADHD mind wandering;

• Literally feel your feet touching the ground.  Sense the energy in that touch, and allow it to travel up your body to your head.  It gives you a very grounding sense of being here.
• Have something small on you, at all times, that is a color pleasing to your eyes and heart.  Maybe it is a yellow key chain, or a red mouse pad.  Perhaps you like the color blue, like the ocean, so you have a blue comb.  When you look at that object, make the association of the color with the feeling to bring your focus into your body.
• Keep your favorite gum, mouth spray, or mint on hand.  When you put it in your mouth don’t just habitually chew it, but focus on the sensations through your body as you enjoy the experience.
• Carry chapstick with your favorite scent.  You can get chap ticks these days in all kinds of scents, and it does not have to be just for when your lips are chapped.  If you find your mind going off in a tangent, smell the scent of the stick, really smell it.  Allow your entire body to feel the effect of the scent.
• Create a play list of favorite tunes, and keep it on your phone, in your car, or on your computer. Even the most simple of phones have the ability to play songs these days – it’s amazing.  If you feel the need to connect your body and mind to the present moment, press play and allow the song to reverberate through your being.

We forget these simple things.  We are in a hurry, we are running, or maybe we are even still but our mind is not.  What we want is peace and engagement in THIS moment.  Our body is equipped with a multitude of tools to help us get in that moment, we just need to remember to use them.

Do you have any favorite ways of engaging with your senses?  Please share.

photo credit: Mr. Physics

Literally I sit down and the cells in my body cry out “You have too much to do – get up and start doing it”!  It feels like there are things pushing me from the inside to get up and get moving.

I know, bizarre.  I am taking a weekly meditation course from this brilliant Yogi Ranjeet and brought my concerns up this last Tuesday. “I simply can’t seem to make myself do it,” I said.  I want to, I know it is good for me, I know it helps me focus, but my body is resisting terribly.

It isn’t that I don’t like to relax.  I read books and magazines, nap, watch Dancing with the Stars (sorry), chat with friends, walk, and write.  I am actively caring for my mental well-being through therapy, try to eat well, and exercise.  So why is this so HARD?

Yogi explained to me that when we resist it the most, it is our bodies way of telling us we need it the most.  He suggested I put all excuses aside – don’t want to change clothes, need the perfect space, am too tired, etc.  Get rid of ALL of them, and just do it.  He warned me my body would fight, but then in time it would surrender.

So I’ve been re-energized and doing well since Tuesday, until today.  This morning I woke up in a great mood, fully energized, and was ready to start my day NOW.  So many great people in my life, wonderful projects, health was good.  I was just in a great place, so I did not need or want to meditate.

Yogi’s voice came to the back of my mind, and I said I’m gonna do it.  I’ll test the theory.  And today I sat down to meditate and it felt like pure torture.

It was everything I could do to not get up.  My entire body was fighting from the inside.  I could not relax and certainly had no intention of surrendering, I just wanted to get through it so I could get on my way.

I practiced releasing thoughts.  Just letting them float by, not doing anything with them, just letting them go through me.  And did everything I could to stay feeling my body and grounded in the present moment.

And then the strangest thing happened.  I started crying.  I felt my body relax as tears of relief started flowing down my face into my lap.  I just let it all go.  I stopped fighting my body and just let my insides fight their way out without stopping them.

What I realized is it was not my body wanting movement.  It was my feelings, my emotions.  I needed to release them in order to be present in today.

I don’t feel that energetic drive anymore today, but instead a calm peace with a very clear focus on what I would like to accomplish.  And a feeling of grounding that comes from knowing I don’t have to run or hurry to get there.

photo credit: metaphysikhall

If you have ADHD you know that your mind often is way ahead of your reality.  You want to say yes to those you care about, please others, do it all, see a smile on someone’s face; often at the expense of yourself or your actual abilities.  It is so difficult to think things through before you react in your ‘aiming to please’ way.I had an experience of this recently with my new roommate, in which I agreed to do something in a dash of excitement and desire to solve a problem and please her.  As the days grew closer to the event,  I grew anxious as my health was not great, I had deadlines looming with work, and then I came to learn I was more of a want than a need.  I ended up proposing another solution that backfired and caused all kinds of chaos, and was reminded once again of my need to instill my ‘let me think about it and get back to you’ response no matter how hard it might be.

People that are very close to me know that I say yes whenever possible, so it hasn’t been a problem in a long time because they help me navigate through this and recognize when I am saying yes when I should say maybe.  They are aware of my health and my stress levels and my capacities, and are intimately aware of what happens when I over extend myself.

This conflict with my new roommate was a gentle reminder to review some key things I needed to put in place to avoid this type of thing in the future among new friends.

These tips include:

• Don’t make promises to anything on the spot. ANYTHING.  Let the person know you need to check your schedule and get back to them, even if it is calling them back in a minute.  This includes a quick lunch or coffee – it is amazing how many of these can pile up and keep you from doing the work you need to get done and how easy it is to say yes when you mean no.
• Plan out weekly what you want to do and need to get done. If things come up during the week that aren’t on your schedule, first make sure you have met your priorities.  Add only as you are able and if it isn’t in your best interest, but is something you want to do, plan it for the next week / month / year.
• Don’t say yes if something inside is saying no. No matter how much you care about the person, or how much you want to help.  If you do not take care of yourself first, you will be unable to take care of others – I have learned this time and time again the hard way.  You can help them find their solutions but be sure to keep your boundaries and take care of yourself.
• If something is stumping you, meditate on it. Clear your mind of everything, and meditate.  Focus on your breathe, sit still and let the thoughts and noise float right past you and into the sky.  Often only when we quiet our minds can we find the clarity we need to find a perfect solution.
• Tell people close to you of your tendency to answer before you think. People that truly care about you will understand this is just a small part of you, and put up protections so they themselves are not disappointed by your tendency to do this.  Instead of taking your first answer, they will say ‘why don’t you take some time to think about that’.  It serves as a gentle reminder that while they know you may want to, reality is not always going to make it possible and instead of being hurt they want you to make sure first that is the answer you really want to give.

My brother has become so skilled at this, as he understands when I get excited I often over commit at my own expense.  He could easily take advantage of this, as I would do and do and do until I fell over exhausted and spent as I have in the past – which ultimately helps no one.  Instead he forces me to take time to think about each and everything tiny little thing I offer, so that I am not just acting on my brain and heart for them, but on my brain and heart for myself as well.

It is easy to take advantage of those with ADHD as they will generally say yes and yes and yes.  But it always backfires, because eventually they explode, and it hurts everyone involved.  Learning how their mind works and how to make it work for everyone is the only thing that helps all in the long term.  I’ve found keeping the above tips top of mind critical for both myself and those that I am close to in keeping a truly loving relationship beneficial for all.

Have you had problems saying yes?  Please share any tips you find useful as well.  Thanks for reading!

photo credit: dlofink

When I quit drinking completely at 33, and started living a more aware life sitting through any type of feeling, I started recognizing patterns.  I was probably 36 by the time I realized just how much PMS had affected me earlier on, and have come to realize ADHD only added fuel to an already explosive situation.

It was like a breath of fresh air once I started realizing what was happening.  Every month, I feel completely ‘awful terrible the world is ending.’  Every month.  In the past I didn’t understand it so ran every which way but into and out of the feelings.  Yet I never understood the connection.

It has been a lifesaver to understand just how bad my hormones fluctuate throughout the month, and how my ADHD only increases the problems I have with those fluctuations.  Because when I feel bad, my mind plays off that, creates more and more bad feelings, and leads me to believe there is no hope and it will never get better.  I feel an actual physical pain like someone punched me in the gut, every single month.

So here are some things I found helpful in coping with this PMS / ADHD issue:

• I know when the storm is coming and batten down the hatches. I let my significant other know (if there is one), friends, family, and self.  My calender reminds me and I surround myself with people that are gentle and kind to me.
• I do NOT escape the feelings. I ride the storm knowing the sun will come out again.  That is really what it feels like.  Every month.  Sometimes I am just curled up in bed wondering – will this incredible intense pain ever go away?  The good thing about it is I know, without a doubt, yes it will go away.
• I understand biology of the brain is a mystery. There are no proven solutions because we understand so little about the chemistry of the brain.  But that is OK – I have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.  Instead of feeling so bad for ‘feeling bad for no apparent reason,’ I accept the pain like I would a broken foot and work my way through it.
• I try my own remedies. Everyone’s brain chemistry is different, so things that work for one person may not work for another.  I find it really important that (with my physician’s approval) I try things that might work for me.  Personally, I’ve had tremendous luck with HTP-5, progesterone cream, and a diuretic right before when I start getting massive headaches and serious stress (they suggest maybe it is water build up).  These aren’t proven remedies, and they might not be good for your situation, which is why you should always talk to your doctor first.  I just think it is important to keep an open mind and explore remedies for your own body.

This does not get rid of my symptoms of PMS, but it makes them tolerable and is amazing for my mental health.  I consider it a fun challenge every month to ride the storm, and see if I can figure out a way to conquer the chaos that ensues.   I’m trying to outsmart the PMS, and each and every month that I do I find victorious.

Do you think your ADHD exacerbates your PMS?   How do you minimize damages??

photo credit: Travis S.