Fine.  I am totally ok admitting it to the whole world.  I have an addiction to texting that try as I may, I cannot seem to beat.  I am admitting now I am completely helpless over it – and asking all of you to help.

Why?  Because there doesn’t seem to be many great solutions out there – and I find the best way to overcome something is to find someone else who has done it successfully and build on that.

We don’t have any NIH studies that show success rates of different treatments, so we need to join together and find solutions that work.

Why is it that being called ‘crazy’ is so bothersome? It’s as if this one word cuts right to the core of our very being and makes us question our intrinsic worth. Yet what do we ADHDers do when someone calls us crazy?

We act crazy!

Crazy can mean all sorts of things; bizarre, fantastic, deranged, insane, or dangerous.  I, personally, am using it in regards to how we term ‘unpredictable’ behavior.  Often the word is thrown around, “You are acting crazy or that idea is crazy or did you take your crazy pills?!”  Something about it just sets me off.  People – call a spade a spade!  If I am acting in a way that scares you or seems out of character and unpredictable, tell me!

I’m sure just reading that title incited strong reaction in most people.  They either love the companies, or hate them.  For some reason I think companies working to sell drugs to fix the brain have the worst reputation of all – and to this day I can not figure out why.

Let’s face it, we can find fault in anything.  It is pretty easy to do, and it is usually our first line of defense when we fear something.  I think probably all of our biggest fear is the dark side of the brain, and unfortunately until we are all enlightened, we will all have a dark side to varying degrees.

Holidays make us all crazy; travel, gifts, coworkers, kids, parents, cards, trees, decorating…  the list goes on and on.  Imagine being someone that has a hard time keeping track of just how to get through the week – let alone the holidays!  Welcome to how us ADHDers feel.

I’ve decided that in order to make it through the holidays, I’m going to have to prioritize doing some things that I know help me make it through my regular days – but religiously!  We use holidays as an excuse to slack off on certain good habits – but for people with attention span issues these things we innocently slack off on could be our undoing.

It seemed fairly obvious to me that those with ADHD have a higher rate of suicide and depression, but I was surprised to learn that according to WebMD research both are 4-6 times more likely to occur in those with ADHD than those without it.

That scares me, and it’s a tricky subject because some research suggests that when you talk to students about suicide it puts the thought in their mind, and they are more likely to try it.  Thankfully, recent research is starting to suggest that kids already know about it, so in fact talking about it does just the opposite and helps prevent it.

I don’t know how to say it any other way.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have gotten treatment throughout my life while continuing to develop coping skills, yet it’s the reality of my situation.  Some days I wake up sobbing, a feeling so intense from the nightmare that I feel I can’t breathe and I can’t quite imagine how I will make it through the day.

The PTSD was easy to diagnose, and it happened early on so thankfully I’ve had comfort in at least understanding on some level what is going on in my brain.  The nightmares, various escapes, intense pain, depression, and necessity of my body to shut down when that pain is triggered is pretty clear.

While I still have all of those issues, my capacity to endure pain, ability to understand and care for others while in that pain, and reduction of escape routes grows daily.

My post the other day on texting and driving brought many responses, both good and bad.  One of them, however, blew me away.

The individual’s ability to recognize the problem from both sides of the spectrum, acknowledge the challenges that each group faces on a regular day, and taking all of it into consideration allowed them to provide an innovative solution.

Often times, extreme views happen because we don’t understand another person’s perspective, and instead of trying to be a better listener we become a louder talker.  We find others on our side that agree with us to make us feel better about our own position, and condone anyone that thinks otherwise.  It’s a normal human defense, but not one that is very productive to solving the many issues in society; all it does is shut off listening and polarize views further.

In many ways, it is a blessing to have ADHD because if something hurts you can quickly retract and move on to something else.  For those of you that do not have ADHD, imagine putting your finger in a fire.  Those with ADHD can quickly withdraw and move to something else, but don’t learn much.  Those without ADHD, however, take longer to withdraw their finger but the burn is imprinted in their mind so they do not do it again.

It’s how I see my ADHD.  I’ve had similar situations happen over and over again, and wonder what it is that I am not getting.  Why my behavior is not changing, and why I continue to throw myself into the fire again and again.  I have finally come to realize, through therapy, reading, and the constant struggles of ‘why,’ that I am simply not standing in the pain long enough to understand the lesson I need to learn.

I want to be a good person.  As a matter of fact, I strive to be a great person, and have big dreams for making a significant contribution to this world.  Unfortunately, my attempt at perfection continues to catapult me from a world of despair to joy to despair again.

The list of ‘to do’s’ that us ADHDers have, and really anybody for that matter, is tremendous.  I mean, every day, I expect more than perfection and wonder why I feel so shitty.

Look at my list, who can do this?

I’m 39 years old and still I feel like I just said two very bad words; sex and orgasm.  I’m looking around for the blog police.  I’m not sure why we are trained to ‘shhhhhhh’ about sex as young kids, but it certainly gets in the way of understanding sex in a healthy way.

I did not understand the benefit of orgasm until a much later age, and to me now it is just as important as balanced nutrition, clean water, sound sleep, and moderate exercise.