Archives for January, 2011
I have been addicted to just about everything, and have quit these addictions because of one primary reason; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Granted, I found tools that worked and helped me along the way, but the thing that stopped the addiction wasn't AA, a patch, advice from friends and family, or a divorce. It was something inside me; a true exhaustion from the up and down of the addiction itself. There are really no miracle cures for anything. There are tools that can help you overcome challenges in getting there, but the only thing that can truly make you stop something is yourself. And then by surrounding yourself with people and things that support that type of healthy vs. unhealthy behavior. I do think it's different for each and every person.
Fine. I am totally ok admitting it to the whole world. I have an addiction to texting that try as I may, I cannot seem to beat. I am admitting now I am completely helpless over it - and asking all of you to help. Why? Because there doesn't seem to be many great solutions out there - and I find the best way to overcome something is to find someone else who has done it successfully and build on that. We don't have any NIH studies that show success rates of different treatments, so we need to join together and find solutions that work.
Why is it that being called 'crazy' is so bothersome? It's as if this one word cuts right to the core of our very being and makes us question our intrinsic worth. Yet what do we ADHDers do when someone calls us crazy? We act crazy! Crazy can mean all sorts of things; bizarre, fantastic, deranged, insane, or dangerous. I, personally, am using it in regards to how we term 'unpredictable' behavior. Often the word is thrown around, "You are acting crazy or that idea is crazy or did you take your crazy pills?!" Something about it just sets me off. People - call a spade a spade! If I am acting in a way that scares you or seems out of character and unpredictable, tell me!
One of my words for the year is Passion. Last night I was at a class that is serving as a type of spiritual grounding while I am on a project away from home. We read a poem and were asked to listen to what phrase or word spoke to us most, and I felt the passion jolt through my body when the words were spoken "I want to know" in regards to another person's feelings and thoughts. "YES", I thought. I want to know.
I'm sure just reading that title incited strong reaction in most people. They either love the companies, or hate them. For some reason I think companies working to sell drugs to fix the brain have the worst reputation of all - and to this day I can not figure out why. Let's face it, we can find fault in anything. It is pretty easy to do, and it is usually our first line of defense when we fear something. I think probably all of our biggest fear is the dark side of the brain, and unfortunately until we are all enlightened, we will all have a dark side to varying degrees.
The discipline of Psychology has come up with some fairly simple rules to follow for fighting fair, and it amazes me how each and every day we ignore these rules and suffer again and again from their lessons. The recent shooting in Arizona has brought up a lot of this, but I am reminded when I hear of bullying, the divorce rate, and the constant battle of the media and politics. While Psychology is far from perfect, it is an evolving discipline (as are we) and I would think we would take at least what we do know, and use it to our advantage. Fighting fair is an art, and it needs to be taught in school and practiced throughout every relationship. Yet it takes a great deal of discipline, and it seems few have it. The amount of hurtful words we are constantly spewing out of our mouths, on an hourly basis, is creating a majorly toxic environment. Our kids are learning how to treat each other through the television, politicians, adults, and teachers - and what kinds of fighting are we doing every day?
How often are you really present? I don't mean just there in the flesh, I mean there with your heart and soul and eyes and everything that you are and more? I'm reading Eckardt Tolle's "The Power of Now" and I am again reminded of just what a small amount of time I spend in the present moment. It is as if my feet are planted but my thoughts are spinning and tumbling from one connection to the next to the next without me even be aware. For those of you with ADHD, I am sure you understand what I am talking about. I think this was developed as a defensive mechanism when I was a child. When I got scared, my brain detached and went into its own mode to create a safe haven in a place of chaos. It served me well as a child, as it kept me alive when I sensed danger. Unfortunately, as I got older, it was that same mechanism that would potentially kill me.
I don't know about you, but I am so sick of New Years Resolutions because they seem to just add to my list of ever-growing feelings of a failure as an ADHDer. I may start with one, and then forget about another one and by the time I remember I've already messed it up. Then I feel so bad I screw it all up. How is that productive? So now I choose a word / words. And focus on that word throughout the year - and anytime I think about my success during the year, I think about how my word relates to that success. It works miracles and is amazing how it accomplishes the same thing, with much less stress. My word / words? This year I chose three, because it just felt right. Usually it's one. For a number of years it has been focus. This year I chose a combination of mood, behavior, and state of mind that I was seeking. So instead of coming up with a list of specific things that I can constantly criticize myself for failing at, I think of these three words: Passion, Persistence, and Patience