Archives for August, 2010
My problem with texting is ongoing. It scares me, because I KNOW it's not good for me yet I still do it. It is embarrassing and humiliating and my lack of management is getting me very down. Even with all of my education and experience and knowledge of addictions, I continue to treat it as something I can control, instead of understanding the chemical reactions in my brain that are producing the 'high' that keep me at it. My guess is it's the ADHD, and as much as we want to 'control' our impulsiveness we still have our brain chemistry that overturns our objectivity for immediate gratification. I'm now reading that over 50% of all kids text, and about 10% send over 100 messages a day. While it makes me feel a little better about my own habit, it seriously concerns me as kids are missing out on learning how to effectively communicate in person and are also setting themselves up for addictive behaviors.
I'm writing today as a reminder to both myself and everyone else in the world that we are all a work in progress. Beating ourselves up does absolutely NO good, in fact it usually makes things quite worse. It is quite easy for me to say that to others, but so infrequent that I take time to remind myself. I had a pretty severe therapy session yesterday. I mean, I was hating me. Everything about me. I was especially focused on my inability to control my texting even after continual negative consequences on my romantic life.
I'm 39 years old and still I feel like I just said two very bad words; sex and orgasm. I'm looking around for the blog police. I'm not sure why we are trained to 'shhhhhhh' about sex as young kids, but it certainly gets in the way of understanding sex in a healthy way. I did not understand the benefit of orgasm until a much later age, and to me now it is just as important as balanced nutrition, clean water, sound sleep, and moderate exercise.
Did you know our brain is hardwired for abuse? I was thinking it might be a stretch, but after a quick internet search with guys sharing how they use brain research on intermittent reinforcement to manipulate women, I decided it wasn't at all. This can be especially troubling with those having ADHD, as the inherent impulsivity can easily create addictive patterns that lead to abuse very, very quickly. A basic study in psychology involves the rat and pellet of food. The rat is given a pellet of food each time it pulls the lever, and soon the rat becomes bored and stops pulling the lever. However, when researchers change it so that a pellet appears randomly, the rat continues pulling the lever in hope of food repetitively. The rat, in essence, becomes addicted to the possibility of food not the food itself.
It is fantastic to get so much great feedback on meditation, and to see how many people are using it as ways to enhance their well-being and overall health. Especially in the day where we think a quick fix solves everything, taking the time and patience for meditation is suggestive of a dedicated effort to be the best you can be. We often forget how much the space around us affects us internally, as we tend to shut things off, getting engulfed in our routines and rush to get the next thing done. The truth is, our different sensory experiences do things to us whether we realize it or not. That is why creating the right environment for meditation can be the difference between success and failure.
It took me until I was 35 years old to figure out my hormones. And even now they trick me no matter what I do to say I won't be affected. I don't have just PMS, or PPMD, I have something-is-taking-over-my-body type hormonal changes. I can only think it is made all the worse by my ADHD. Let's think about it. I get extremely moody, feel absolutely HORRIBLE in the pit of my being without even realizing why, and can not escape the feeling of terrible hopelessness. Then let's look at ADHD and how it adds to the complete chaos: Impulsivity - adds to my need for 'MUST ESCAPE these feelings NOW, frantically trying to find solutions without thorough thought. Hyperactivity - amplifies the feelings of hopelessness. Inattention - can't even focus on the feelings long enough to understand what is happening, where they are coming from, or reflect on them - simply need to escape.
Meditation is like an art, there is no perfect answer and people need different things. I think it has this stigma as being a 'perfect practice' as every picture you see is of very poised people, in beautiful clothing, sitting still and calm. Every time I see one I think that could NEVER be me. And then I learned meditation takes many different shapes, forms, and sizes. After spending some time in practice and finding out what works for me, it has proven to be much different than those photos. I don't have a typical protocol, and often I mix it up to respond to what my body needs when it needs it. I meditate in my sweats. Lying down. Walking. Groggy and tired. I do it whenever and however I can do it. So put away the excuses below, because you too can find a way to make it work.
See, the problem with ADHD is that it is hard to stay focused and even harder to remember to follow-up what you are supposed to be focusing on every day. That is why it is important to use Remember the Milk type software - so that you don't forget it! And why if you read / respond to all of your e-mails in the morning the day can just escape you. Not only that, but other things peak our interest and then we want to learn all about THAT. So a few blogs later, I am back to meditation. I had promised you to go over types of meditation,so today I am going to do just that.