I’m interested especially in people with ADHD. Talking on the phone is an important way to keep connected to people and socially happy, especially as people are so mobile these days, and it seems harder than ever to stay in touch; not because of time but because I don’t like to call people. I’ve been working hard trying to figure out why I don’t love talking on the phone like I used to when I was much younger, and I think I have it figured out.
When there was an actual phone, with a cord to the wall, it felt very grounding. I could sit on my bed, or on my couch, and give my complete focus to the conversation in an environment I had intentionally created for the purpose. There was a place and time and purpose to the connection and when I was having it I felt really present and happy.
Today, we have conversations while we are putting on our make-up, dropping kids off at school, while out hiking, at baseball games, etc. etc. The conversation steers more around “where are you going, what time will you be home, etc.”. I find myself distracted and may say things I don’t necessarily intend to say or agree to things possibly I should not be agreeing to while on the cell phone.
The phone might also get cut off, poor reception, calls beep in, texts come over the line, or someone interrupts me. Granted, I understand that it allows us to talk more, talk across great distances and in remote places, and talk less expensively. If my brothers are motorcycling across Europe and get separated they don’t have to find payphones to call mom thirty times to arrange a meeting place. There are many benefits, for sure.
It just seems we are maybe replacing some of the quality for quantity, depth for breadth, information for deep connection. Those long conversations cuddled up on the couch, with a cord keeping me stuck to the ground so I can’t just quick turn the oven off and bring in the groceries. A candle lit, the dog lying at your feet, and the feeling of a conversation that is intentional, with the mind in the now, so I am giving and growing as a person.
The revelation for me is that this is what I am missing with the invention of the cell. That I need this space – I need a warm, comfortable place where I shut everything off and truly connect. So today I am going to set-up this space for myself and test out the theory, and see if my passion to connect doesn’t grow stronger.
Can anyone else relate? Any other ideas for staying focused and connected while on cell phones?
Last reviewed: 22 Apr 2010