Adjusting to having ADHD
I’ve been taking stock of all the changes that have happened since I learned I had ADHD. One of the best is, I’ve gone from feeling ashamed of being “flawed,” to feeling completely comfortable in announcing, rather matter-of-factly, that I have ADHD.
When necessary, that is.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Kenneth
3:56 pm on
April 29th, 2010This is an area that we disagree completely. I treat ADHD much the same as I do with my daughter who has dyslexia, “You can’t expect the whole world to bend over for you”.
Instead, what I do is develop strategies for dealing with the world rather than expecting the world to deal with me. The fact is that the world will continue on without me and my presences is nothing more than a minor inconvenience to the world as a whole.
The difference may that I was diagnosed young and so that is just part of life…whereas if diagnoses were to happen later I may be more likely to see it is as a disability that hinders my life rather than a distinct advantage that has some down sides.
What helps me the most in dealing with a world that does not care about my issues? A rich inner world. My inner world is as active as I am personally, which provides a great escape from anything that maybe overwhelming me at the moment. Plus, my ability to multi-task allows me to maintain just enough connection to the world around me during these times to be able to respond appropriately.
Kelly
4:41 pm on
April 29th, 2010I think, like you Zoë, that we need to look for a little accommodation from the world. That’s why we have found your blog, looking for a little help. No one gets through life without a little help from their friends, no one, so why shouldn’t we benefit as well. If my eyes are defective, I get glasses, braille on switches, audible signals at crosswalks, not because I necessarily deserve those things as an individual, but because as a group, we deserve a chance to be a productive segment of society. So why not give a little consideration to a group who needs so little by way of accommodation and has so much to offer.
Kenneth
4:55 pm on
April 29th, 2010@Kelly,
There’s no group when I’m trying to keep my house together, it’s just me. Who’s going to come clean my house and make sure I don’t get overwhelmed?
I don’t necessarily come here for advice, please don’t lump me, I come here to give provide a voice for the other side of things in most cases. I have mastered ADHD in my life, which is not to say I don’t have problems or issues, but rather that I have developed successful strategies.
Getting help from friends and expecting something from society are entirely different issues. There is no advantage to being blind, however there are HUGE advantages to have ADHD if you know how to leverage it correctly.
Kelly
6:08 pm on
April 29th, 2010@ Kenneth,
That’s true, there is no group in my house either, nor anyone to look to for accommodation. Just me. And I’m not looking for help, even from my friends there. I’m simply saying that society would benefit from accommodating us in some ways.
And you’re absolutely right, I should not group you in with others who may be looking here because they find strength in numbers and acceptance.
Also, I can think of no advantage to being blind, so again you’re right, a poor analogy on my part. I do, however, see a great advantage in accommodating the visually impaired so that they too can fulfil their potential of becoming productive members of society. That is a positive outcome for society with just a little consideration. So, why wouldn’t society want to offer the same deal to a group who, like you say, have HUGE advantages if they know how to leverage their ADHD correctly. Why wouldn’t they want to help leverage those advantages?
It seems a fair trade to me, but that’s just my opinion. I, like you, thought people ought to get to hear it.
Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed. (Adult Education)
9:35 am on
April 30th, 2010Hey Kelly and Kenneth!
I was quite surprised when I got back to my desk and saw your lively exchange. I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and thank you both for your contributions. The result of yours, and other comments, will be today’s post. Stay tuned later this afternoon, when all shall be revealed! Cheers, Z.
LS
10:50 pm on
April 29th, 2010I don’t ask for accommodations for my ADHD and anxiety disorders. I don’t want to disclose it to everyone, especially when people may react badly. But I was diagnosed later in life and obviously I learned how to overcome common everyday occurrences What did you do before the diagnosis? I like listening to my ipod to avoid sensory overload and anxiety. Also, if the office is just too busy then I will just find a new doctor. Has happened before.
Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed. (Adult Education)
9:33 am on
April 30th, 2010Hi LS. Thanks for writing, I’m so glad you shared your experience with us. I think we can see from my post, and all the comments that follow, that we’re all on a spectrum of responses, just as ADHD is on a spectrum of severity. I think there are multiple factors that come into play when we make our individual decision about whether or not to publicly disclose. Not least amongst these factors is how much time we’ve had to adjust to our diagnosis (as Kenneth has pointed out here and previously); whether or not we have co-morbid conditions such as depression, anxiety, or, in my case, possible auditory processing difficulties, etc.; and sheer personality, values, etc. Some of us are more shy than others, some of us are more giving to others, and on and on. I think the main thing is that we are aware of our own needs and that we find a way to take care of them while respecting the needs of others. One small detail (well, huge, when you think about it); while Canada’s health care system (in my opinion) is stellar, we do suffer from a lack of doctors and finding a new one is not an option for many, especially in our rural areas. In fact, we have many people without a family doctor at all, so moving to another one just isn’t a viable alternative. As for your question about “What did you do before the diagnosis?” – an excellent question. So excellent, in fact, I’m writing a post to answer it, and also to clarify thoughts on my original post. Stand by, it’ll be up later today (Fri., Apr. 30, 2010). Thanks again for writing! Cheers, Zoë
LS
12:01 am on
June 12th, 2010Well I live near a big city, so finding a new doctor isn’t too much of a hassle. However, if I was in a rural area I would think it would be less of an issue, because crowds and noise are my main problems, and I would think in a rural practice, that would be less so. Anything resembling a hospital or a large group practice is out.
Jean
3:35 am on
July 25th, 2010Oh, I see. So you “suddenly” learned you have ADHD at age 40-something? Hmmmmm…
I’m a bit surprised that you portray accommodations for ADHD as something new. Accommodations for ADHD have been around forever…in fact, “accommodations” are the reason that so many students try to get diagnosed/re-diagnosed with ADHD when they realize college isn’t as easy as they thought. So they can get extra time on exams and addies. It’s called: GAMING THE SYSTEM.
Then there are those who simply go along with the trend that’s appeared in the past decade or so…the trend that it’s “cool” to have ADHD. Then peeps like you have an actual excuse for acting even MORE obnoxious than you already are.
The truth is, people like you are so easy to spot as fakers and malingerers…it’s laughable, and pathetic. Maybe it’s the way people like you exaggerate your symptoms, to the point that you have yourself convinced. Do you know how ridiculous you look? You really don’t know, do you? Maybe that’s why you get negative comments.
Of course, people with “real” ADHD (or the many disorders that are misdiagnosed as ADHD) display much more subtle symptoms than fakers like you do–especially as adults.
So guess what? It’s not ADHD. Sorry. You’re just obnoxious.
Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed. (Adult Education)
11:15 am on
July 25th, 2010Oh my goodness, someone woke up on the wrong side of the planet this morning.
You’re entitled to your opinion, Jean.
As for, “So guess what? It’s not ADHD. Sorry. You’re just obnoxious.” – Where did you say you got your medical degree from? Sorry, but I think I’ll stick with the original diagnosis, as it seems to have made my life infinitely better, even at the ripe old age of 46. (and long, long after I’ve graduated from 3 college diplomas and 2 university degrees, which, btw, I did without any special accommodations, and tons of hard work). Does that mean I don’t have ADHD? Read the rest of my blog posts if you’re that interested.
As for my being “obnoxious,” yes, I guess I am sometimes. But how you would know that, as you’ve never met me, is beyond me. Maybe the same way you know I don’t have ADHD. Maybe you’re psychic and omnipotent. Maybe you can look into your crystal ball and find a diagnosis for that.
Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed. (Adult Education)
12:11 pm on
July 25th, 2010FYI (for the readers who actually want to learn something from this blog): some of the most common look-alike disorders associated with ADHD are: bipolar, clinical depression, an array of anxiety disorders and menopause (not a disorder, but none-the-less can mimic ADHD symptoms), none of which are particularly “subtle” in their symptoms.
I’m not sure where you’re getting your mis-information from Jean, but as I’m just lazing about faking ADHD symptoms today, I thought I’d jump in and try to rectify it before it spreads.
Zoë
I’m still trying to wrap my neurons around Jean’s comments.
But to some of her points:
1. Yes, you can be diagnosed at 40.
Our knowledge of ADHD has expanded and deepened over the years; many people were not understood as having ADHD when they were children. This is especially true for girls and for the Inattentive sub-type.
Sometimes the children didn’t fit the classic “hyperactive” stereotype, but sometimes they were simply smarter-than-average; their intelligence allowed them to “pass.” But, inevitably, they “hit the wall” at some point in their lives when their Executive Function capacity did not meet the demand. The first job. The first child. The first mortgage. The first ill parent. Or all of the above.
I’ve meet newly diagnosed adults in their 80s! And they were damn glad to know the reason for feeling “different” all their lives.
2. Gaming the system
No doubt some do try to get ADHD accommodations when they don’t have it. I’ve certainly seen some hyper-competitive parents who will stop at nothing to make their children hyper-competitive. Then again, these people no doubt merit a special diagnosis of their own, I suspect.
The fact is, many more students with ADHD and LD are on college campuses these days, thanks to their challenges being recognized earlier in life and accommodations made.
Certainly, the accommodations route has some pitfalls. I’ve known many whose poor treatment strategies meant they remained stuck within the confines of “accommodations.” They didn’t know they were getting sub-optimal care, and were doing the best they could to get through school.
3. As for the rest
Well, the sniping and jibes really don’t deserve comment. But I’d hazard a guess that some of it stems from “self-medicating with provocation” of some sort.
It’s not the best medication, as it tends to have nasty side effects that start with the person and keep reverberating out to everyone they know and touch.
If Ms. Kessler is faking ADHD, well, I salute her for her ability to write about the issues that affect so many in such a style that resonates for so many.
And by the way, Zoë, I found the “accommodations” you felt necessary to be simply those of good common sense.
And I wish more medical offices and other places respected the need for a calm environment without so much damn noise, light, etc. Isn’t it just logical? It’s good for everyone, not just people with ADHD.
You explain that you’ve taken steps to do your part with recognizing your ADHD and mitigating the challenges it poses to people around you. etc. And now the world…..well, where’s the world’s part?
I was at the library last year when I noticed an uncommon amount of noise — a really squeaky/thumpy door constantly opening and closing, kids yucking it up after school, some old half-deaf geezer yammering on about “Obammer”. Twenty years ago (or even ten), this cacaphonic scene in a library would have been unimaginable.
Then I looked at the three middle-aged female librarians and noticed a certain glassy-eyed look that I’ve learned is often associated with anti-depressants. I just had to wonder, have these ladies had to start taking anti-depressants to deal with the chaos around them — or do they just not notice it anymore thanks to the “fugitall” effects of the SSRIs on some people?
Hard to know. But I do know that the world has gotten to be a rougher, more rude place — whether or not one has ADHD.
Denim
9:24 pm on
July 26th, 2010@Zoe. Your fiesty is inspiring!!!
@Gina. You just sold another book.
Thanks to Jean @3:35 a.m.
@Zoe and Gina. I thought it was the aging process but my mother did not seemed to be bothered by all the noise. The world HAS slowly become less quiet. My sister has mitral valve prolapse that computer noise irritates. What computer noise you ask? My point exactly. Also flourescent lighting.
It is quite possible the ADHD thing is not showing up because it has been evolving but is just being revealed.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1992-2012 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 16 May 2012
|
