Kelly, I think you may find that, once you feel your ADHD is sort of in control (whatever that means) that you will still have your creative moments, that you will still get inspiration from a centipede. The major difference will be that you will then be able to take that inspiration, do with it as you see fit (write a poem, a short story) AND even spend some time on that boring but essential task(s) of life…whatever that may be. When you are late diagnosed you just can’t imagine life without your ADHD (to be more accurate…life with your ADHD in abeyance…sort of) and therefore you assume that those other qualities, like getting inspiration from the wind and a blade of grass, will suddenly disappear. Well…I can tell you that that hasn’t been my experience as of late. There’s still stuff I don’t do and should do BUT there is plenty I am doing – both the boring stuff in life and the exciting stuff. I can get inspiration from a single word in a sentence that hits me just the right way. I can get inspiration from an overheard conversation.

So…as IHSV said…hang in there! It sucks going through this period of self-analysis and, yes, there are times when I wish I didn’t know I had ADHD. But look at it this way. Imagine you had diabetes and never knew it. You try to live like everyone else but something keeps going wrong. Would you rather remain ignorant or would you rather know what is taking place inside you?

Kelly you said: “I’m glad I’ve started to figured this thing out, but I sometimes feel I was happier when I didn’t know. When I get my ADHD under a semblance of control I hope I’ll be happy again, but for now, it’s one day at a time.”

For some reason this reminded me of scuba diving and deep sea diving. When doing either of these activities you must have a trusted person or people on the boat. They know must the limits of the activity and when to send you oxygen or help you back to the boat. See if you can find those trusted people for your daily life who will understand your limitations and help you back to your intended task(s).

You also said: “If I’m not so lucky, it’s someone else that makes me feel guilty. Letting the people around me down causes high levels of anxiety.”

If they know your limitations and don’t help you, you are not responsible for their disappointment. Thereby eliminating your feelings of guilt and anxiety.

Looks like some ADHDer’s were born to be leaders with very good assistants to handle the details. The leaders are out hunting for inspiration while the assistants make sure the leaders have time for hunting. To this point in life, it may be that you have been trying to be the leader and the assistant. It may be time to understand the person you were meant to be, the hunter of inspiration.

If the above struck a chord with you, yeah me. If not, I tried. That is all I ask of myself, did I TRY to do my best. The answer for me is almost always a resonding yes!

Rick, on distraction: I swing both ways. Now that I know that I am not a defective human being, meaning one which has no will power to control distraction (and a number of other things), I recognize that distraction is just part of how my brain works and I am more gentle with myself. I have received tools (cognitive?)to use with which ever distraction shows up on any given day. Being more gentle on myself boosts my self-esteem and makes me more happy. Of course raising my self-esteem has made the people in my life that have used me as a floor mat a lot less happy.

Zoe, a “hawser” is a nautical term for a “rope” of certain specifications.