I just got home from a visit with my friend Dave. Even though I’d spent (three times) longer with Dave than I’d planned, it was well worth it. I walked home with a bounce in my step, feeling refreshed and relieved.

I’d been able to express things to Dave that I’d been only half-aware of; things that have been burbling around in the background, waiting to be shared with someone who spoke my language.

Talking to Dave is always a voyage of discovery, unlike speaking with anyone else except – another person with ADHD.

I’ve always loved to teach – and loved to learn.

Last Friday, I had a total, teary, ADHD adult-learner meltdown.

You’d think after blabbing and blogging about having ADHD for so long, I’d be ok with sharing that I learn more slowly than others. Not so, as my recent bass guitar lesson proved.

Today’s post concludes my talk with Melissa Orlov, author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage. These are just a few of the topics we touched on.

ADHD in a marriage is complex; to find out more, I’d encourage you to pick up her book, or attend her upcoming seminar.

Zoë:  Many people with ADHD earn less than their partners. This can create a power imbalance in a relationship. Can you address this?

Melissa Orlov, Author, The ADHD Effect on Marriage

Melissa Orlov’s Couples Marriage Seminar starts in exactly one week (on Wednesday, April 25th). I thought her book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage was fantastic, so I decided to speak with her to find out what her course was all about.

In addition to acting as a consultant to ADHD-affected couples, Melissa (who does not have ADHD) is married to an ADHDer.

Although we had a lengthy conversation, she had me at:

“If you have a therapist who is saying that your partner is a jerk… because they don’t understand ADHD, and they don’t understand that a person with ADHD can be very inwardly focused without any mal-intent at all, then it may or may not help.”

Without further adieu, let me tell you about her upcoming couples seminar, followed by an abridged version of our interview, to be continued tomorrow.

Zoë thinking about putting the laundry away. Honest. Photo: ©Jake Chegahno, 2011

I had the privilege of interviewing Melissa Orlov, author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage recently (blog post to follow). Melissa and I talked about her upcoming course (starting April 25) for couples in a mixed marriage (i.e., one ADHD spouse, one non-ADHD spouse).

Discussing the trials and tribulations arising from the ADHD elephant in the room, I was inspired to come up with some of my own marriage-saving tips.

Here are some of my ideas to rid your home of these ADHD traits:

• distractibility
• lack of structure
• allergies to housework
• frequent mood swings; and
• poor memory

I hope these tips help you. If not, there’s still time to sign up for Melissa’s course.

Marilyn Strong

I asked Marilyn Strong to assess my progress with implementing her Action Plan based on her book Getting Paid to Pay Attention.  Here’s what she said:

Zoë:

I’m so proud of you. I believe you did an amazing job this week. Good for you! Give yourself a high 5!

No one (except you) expects to get everything right, in the right order, the very first time you do anything. How many times did you fall off your bike before you figured out how to balance? Right. Once you learned how to balance you never forget how to ride a bike!

It’s the same with the using any tool or technique. There’s a learning curve. My job is to help you get through the learning curve in a very short period of time, not the 20+ years it took me!!!!

Zoë Kessler speaking at the ADHD Through the Lifespan Public Forum, with Dr. Timothy Bilkey, April 4, 2012, Barrie, Ontario, Canada

If I’m supposed to be getting paid to pay attention, I’m pretty sure my paycheck will be docked this week. Or at least that I’m on an apprentice’s salary because there’s no way I’m up and running just yet.

In this follow-up report to my April 3rd blog post, Solo Business Owner? Get Paid to Pay Attention!, I’m going to look for the positives in an effort to encourage myself to keep going.

Why? Because I’m still excited about Marilyn Strong’s approach, and I want to give it a fair shot. Quitting at this point would not only be premature, it would be unfair to me, to my business, and to Marilyn’s hard work.

The Ford Focus. I'll say no more.

Since at least 1993, research about the dangers associated with ADHD and teen drivers has been piling up faster than cars at the Indie 500. Even so, judging from a recent NY Times online article (Learning to Drive With A.D.H.D., by John O’Neil, March 26, 2012) it’s still news. Why?

I’m glad that the issue is getting media coverage. I’m disappointed that the association between ADHD and risky driving (especially in adolescents) isn’t common knowledge by now.

How many accidents, from fender-benders to fatal, might have been prevented had this info been made public when it was first recognized?

For the most part, O’Neil’s article is informative, well-researched, and encouraging. It might even save lives. That said, I was frustrated I couldn’t comment on it online, so I’m doing it here.

Zoë Kessler speaking at ADHD Across the Lifespan, with Dr. Timothy Bilkey

Shhhh…. don’t tell Marilyn I said that!

I was supposed to have started her excellent program based on her book, Getting Paid to Pay Attention, this week. Hmmm…

Egads! What have I done? I’m thinking I picked the wrong week to start Marilyn Strong’s program for solo entrepreneurs.

I want to get organized and be more productive. Of course I do! But what was I thinking? I just don’t have a regular life right now. Ok, I’ve never had, and probably never will have, what you might call a “regular” life, but I was hoping that at least I could get a little structure going.

But no dice. Let’s take, for example, last night. According to my Action Planner schedule, the “Big Picture” includes a stop-work time of 6:00 p.m., lights out (to get my 8 hours of Zzzzzz’s) at 10 p.m.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  ha…  Last night, I didn’t even get home until 11:30 p.m.

A month ago, a new resource for solo business owners with ADHD was launched. Heralded by both business and ADHD luminaries, including T. Harv Eker, author of #1 NY Times bestseller, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind; and Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction, and many others, Marilyn Strong’s book, Getting Paid to Pay Attention – Why Your Business Suffers from A.D.D. and How to Fix It is a slim volume that nonetheless packs a punch.

I especially appreciated Strong’s warm, personable, and encouraging tone, and her light-hearted sense of humor.

Diagnosed herself, Strong has experienced the unique and sometimes devastating challenges faced by an entrepreneur with ADHD. Like many (if not most) of us ADHDers, Strong is multi-talented, with a varied career path. Currently, she’s a solo entrepreneur, working as a marketing and business strategist and trainer (in addition to being the author of Getting Paid to Pay Attention).

Strong’s well-researched book gives a brief overview of ADHD, but focuses on the symptoms that most often plague our businesses: procrastination, distraction and hyperfocus. Her insight into these symptoms, and her ability to describe how they directly relate to our businesses, is a fresh new take on ADHD.