When ADHD women get together with non-ADHD friends Photo: ©Zoë Kessler, 2011

Four women, three days, one cottage: will they survive?

This long weekend, I treated myself to a few days at a friend’s cottage. I was really looking forward to spending time with three of my dearest friends.

What I didn’t expect, was how much fun it would be to watch two ADHD women interact with two non-ADHD women. I should note that one of us (me) has been diagnosed, while the other has only recently discovered that she has ADHD and has not yet received a formal diagnosis.

Here’s what I observed

- the two ADHDers were up early; like addicts desperate for a fix, it was roller derby in the cramped kitchen as both of us tried to make coffee at the same time

- it was an ADHDer who brought a fridge full of healthy food (fresh veggies, seafood, yogourt, etc), ignored it, and headed into town for some deep-fried fast-food

- the two ADHDers happily enjoyed happy hour well into the evening, long after the two non-ADHDers had switched to coffee

- the ADHDers each needed a stretch of several hours alone, even though we only had a couple of days to spend with the group

- the two non-ADHDers had shiny, well-maintained, and much younger cars; we ADHDers had rusted, older vehicles with way more mileage which we were hell-bent on driving into the ground, and which served as combination car/truck/recreational vehicles (and they were a lot messier inside, too)

- both ADHDers have, and adore, dogs

- the non-ADHDers both worked in careers for many years, while the two of us ADHDers have dabbled in this, dabbled in that

- the non-ADHDers both owned houses, the ADHDers rent

- two of the four of us have financial woes (guess which ones)

…and there’s probably lots more, but that’s off the top of my head.

Birds of a feather

I’ve written about which would be better for an ADHD woman: another ADHD or a non-ADHD best bud; that’s why I found this foursome so intriguing. At times, it felt like two Felix-and-Oscar combos in the same cottage, comical to say the least.

Obviously, as we all get along fabulously and I consider these three to be amongst my nearest and dearest friends, there were things in common that bound us together.

We shared a love of the arts, especially books and paintings. (Although, oddly enough, it was the ADHDers who produced the art and books.) We were (if I do say so myself) smart, witty and creative women, engaged and interested in our communities and in the world around us.

We also share a love of nature and the outdoors. And wine. And food. We definitely have a mutual appreciation for good wine, and good food. (Although I think I’ve already admitted that the ADHDers definitely had more of an affinity with alcohol.)

The verdict?

What does this all mean? I’m not sure, but it sure was fun to watch. And I guess it means that when it comes to friendships, what’s most important is the individual qualities of your friends.  And, if you’re a woman with ADHD, that your non-ADHD friends love and appreciate you just the way you are.  And a liberal dose of wine doesn’t hurt, either.

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    Last reviewed: 6 Sep 2011

APA Reference
Kessler, Z. (2011). When ADHD & Non-ADHD Friends Mix – Will They Survive?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 31, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-zoe/2011/09/when-adhd-non-adhd-friends-mix-will-they-survive/

 

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