Let’s put that another way: I’m freaking out!
In the back of my mind, but stealthily creeping up to the forefront, about to assault my over-wrought and already ADHD-riddled frontal lobe, is the panic-laden thought:
As my life gets more organized, more productive, more authentic – more projects are coming in. Which means I need: MORE organization, MORE productivity, MORE authenticity. Where is the tipping point? Literally: will my house of cards collapse?
Is the mental health foundation I’m building as flimsy as that?
[DISCLAIMER: If any of my clients, potential business partners, publishers, or co-authors are reading this - my cat is typing it...I'm busy whipping your/our project to perfection, ahead of schedule. Knew I shouldn'ta given the cat the password to my blog. Get your own blog, cat!]
Be careful what you wish for…
As the positives multiply exponentially, they start to feel like negatives as they bring on extra stress and demands. My already challenged organizational skills are stretched almost beyond capacity. I begin to develop a nasty envy of anyone with “staff.”
I keep reminding myself to be grateful for the work. But while each and every project should, in and of itself, make me deliriously happy, and normally would – is it a case of too much of an amazing thing? Or rather, things? Be careful what you wish for?
While all this is (barely) manageable under (and I use this word loosely) “normal” circumstances, circumstances are anything BUT normal right now.
Widespread turmoil…it ain’t just me!
I don’t know what’s going on where you live, but in my town, there seems to be an escalation of mental meltdowns. In and beyond my town, suicide attempts abound. What’s going on?
Locals dismiss this as “we’ve had enough winter,” to which I reply: it’s not snowing in the Middle East (is it?). The world is freaking out! And I’ve been the stillpoint (ok, mildly quivering point, but holding) in the middle up ’til now.
I’m already at my saturation point with demands, deadlines and duties. Add a mom with worsening lung cancer, my best friend’s mother-in-law’s sudden emergency surgery and fight for her life, multiple trips to the vet …yup…this is my tipping point.
ADHD treatment to the test
I feel like a human experiment in ADHD treatment and its resiliency. How far can you stretch this rubber band before it snaps? Is my life like a rubber band?
Or more like a plant that has wilted for years, but is being slowly nourished back to health? …but left out on the deck in a hailstorm. What will it take to bounce back?
My ADHD life has gotten better.
The question is: can I hold my ground, keep the gains I’ve made? And more interestingly, will it continue to move forward? How far can I go?
Here’s the thing: I (and many others) have noticed tenacity as a trait in adult AHDers. And I will not give up. I’ve also noticed a compassion and comraderie. It’s like, when we look into each other’s eyes, there is a spoken or unspoken Namaste: I see the Divine in you.
It’s that spark that keeps us going, no matter what.
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Last reviewed: 14 Mar 2011