Archives for February, 2011
I’ve been off my medication because I couldn't afford it. It's been about five days. I thought I was doing fine. But a couple of days ago, my boss called me out on a mistake I made. This just wasn't like me. Yesterday, I missed an important appointment. I completely forgot about it. I hadn't done this kind of thing for several years. Now I was getting worried. I've been watching myself carefully since I discontinued my meds. I asked a friend for feedback as well.
"Be careful! You'll be a lot safer on the path." I heard myself yelling this at my dog on today’s walk. As a rabid adult ADHDer, the whole “safety” and “path” thing made me cringe. I considered my relationship with my blind dog, Samantha; then realized if I was an ADHD kid looking for parents, I'd want them to treat me just like I treat my dog.
It’s 10:17 p.m. Just got home from a writing class (novel writing…ha! As if…) I’ve postponed this post for two days past my self-designated deadline. I’m wishing I’d done more. Wishing I could set a good example. Wishing I was more perfect. I’m not. What I am...
“You can’t really work with a horse if you’re scattered, a horse doesn’t feel comfortable being led by someone in that state.” ~ Kail O’Donnell You've heard of horse whisperers. But did you know that horses are ADHD whisperers? Kail O’Donnell was 12 years old when he began working with Toby, a horse who’d been physically abused. Toby was rescued and rehabilitated by the late Gary Convery, horse whisperer and owner of Pleasure Valley Ranch, Ontario, Canada. Kail was rescued and rehabilitated from some of his ADHD symptoms and low self-image by Toby and Gary.
It's Valentine's Day. Congratulations to those of you who have a valentine. For the rest of us, could it be that our dateless day is due to our inability to learn from past mistakes? According to researchers like Russell Barkley, this may very well be the case. Take me for example. Sometimes, I feel like Drew Barrymore's character Lucy in 50 First Dates. The movie’s premise is that, every morning Lucy awakens, she can't remember anything from the previous day. Or the previous weeks, months, or years. Not unlike Barrymore's character, a common difficulty for ADHDers is the inability to recall the consequences of past actions. Are we doomed to make the same mistakes over and over?
A dear friend of mine’s younger sister died yesterday morning. Nancy (not her real name), had suffered from a debilitating depression. Over the years, she had tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide. Today, when I told friends that I was angry, they thought I meant that I was angry with Nancy. I'm not. Brain chemistry balance: the difference between life and death? I can understand how someone could be in so much pain that they would do anything to stop it. I'm angry at us. Ok - maybe it's frustration that I feel - for our inability to rebalance the unhealthy biochemistry that surely must have contributed to Nancy's death.
Having ADHD, it strikes me as funny that I can buy a shampoo for “normal” hair. What if I used this shampoo? Would my hair - if nothing else - be normal? And would this even be desirable? Once I noticed the double entendre inherent in a shampoo for the normal, I started to see all kinds of amusing labels on grooming products.
Samantha is blind, but she's fearless. I've written about the benefits of having Samantha as my dog, best friend, and great ADHD treatment plan previously. When she got diabetes (the blindness came later), as someone with newly-diagnosed ADHD, I thought we were in big trouble. I had NO routines back then. Suddenly, I had to keep a strict regimen of twice-daily insulin shots, and meals at regular times daily. Five years later, she's still going strong. And still teaching me some great lessons. On this morning's wintry walk she tore up the trail, off-leash, full speed, full of trust. I wondered: would I be that brave if I were blind?
Groovy day. Caught up with two dear friends. Realized, while catching up with one of them, that I’ve had three firsts this week, which constitutes a banner week for me (first-time anythings are my favorite things!). Firsts fuel my happiness; feed my need for brain stimulation; keep me excited about life. And now, the details:
I just finished reading Sidney Parker Holt’s ADD Simplified, recently published by Hendrix International Press (2010), and I'm so glad I did. Ironically, I got blood on the book. I’d been fishing for a pen to make notes. As I searched, my finger dragged across a sharp staple in a business card at the bottom of my purse. I didn’t even recognize the name on the card. It’s ironic because, had I already read Holt’s book, I might have 1: written my connection with this person on the back of the card; and, 2: filed the card in a sensible place for future reference, instead of tossing it into my purse with all the other un-filed flotsam & jetsam.