Today’s Pet Peeve is brought to you by guest blogger, Kelly Babcock. You can check out more of Kelly’s blogs at his own blogsite, Tao of Taylor. Thanks, Kelly, for sharing your Pet Peeve with us this Friday.
Kelly’s Pet Peeve: Lament of a newly-diagnosed ADHDer
Fifty years of undiagnosed ADHD have made me a pretty tough guy, but this last little while that I’ve spent becoming aware of my ADHD has left me exhausted from the realization of how I treat those around me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’ve started to figured this thing out, but I sometimes feel I was happier when I didn’t know. When I get my ADHD under a semblance of control I hope I’ll be happy again, but for now, it’s one day at a time.
And that’s my pet peeve? It’s one day at a time of trying to modify my behavior. Each time I find myself starting to stray, I usher myself back onto the path of focus. If I don’t notice my wandering, my wife does, and she guides me back. I’m becoming more focused each day … and I hate it!
I want to go over the rainbow!
I want to walk in the rain, I want to help Zoë open the magic glass doors at the grocery store, I want to count the legs on a centipede (do they really have one hundred? Is it one hundred on each side or all together?), I want to watch the grass grow and chase butterflies and write poetry and make ice cream and go fishing. I think I was a nicer person when those things could take me away and keep me out all day.
While you were out …
What really bites is, as a writer I know these distractions can be inspiring for me. I get some of my best ideas when I’m off in Never Never Land. If I’ve got my note pad handy, I can come back to earth armed with a pocketful of topics or ideas. But odds are that while I was wandering, I was supposed to be doing something else, something important.
I know I’m not succeeding when I’m doing those things. I know I’m letting someone down, if I’m lucky it’s only me. If I’m not so lucky, it’s someone else; that makes me feel guilty. Letting the people around me down causes high levels of anxiety. I guess I’m one of Zoë’s Highly Sensitive People.
So what’s the plan?
I can’t seem to win, I’m either trying to subjugate my natural tendencies to mentally stray or I’m suffering high levels of anxiety and low levels of productivity. I know the way to better health is to continue educating myself, modifying my behavior, and seeking treatment, I just wish some of it were fun.
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Last reviewed: 15 Sep 2010