Pomegranate Fiasco: An ADHDer’s Dessert Nightmare (or, Jamie Oliver, Move Over for Zoë Kessler!)
I promised I’d share some new information with you during ADHD Awareness Week. Given that this is a blog directed primarily at adults with ADHD, and given that this is a time for us to celebrate our “specialness,” I thought it appropriate to follow up on an earlier post, Cooking with ADHD – spicy. And…dangerous!, where I described my struggles in the kitchen.
Many of you have written in or sent postcards asking for my Pomegranate Fiasco recipe. (Ok, that’s a patent lie, but it sounded good, didn’t it? I can’t lie, never could. The truth is, ONE of my ADHD friends keeps bugging me for the recipe. So I thought I’d share it with all of you.) Enjoy!
Consider whipping this up to celebrate your ADHD-ness with friends during ADHD Awareness Week.
1 bottle of Goldschlager
1) Remove fruit from rinds of pomegranates.
Make sure you wait ’til the last moment so that you’re in a total panic and swearing when the guests arrive and you’re standing, hands and wrists dripping with pseudo blood such that it looks like you’ve just carved up a moose on your kitchen island, horrifying the guests and causing them to back away slowly to retreat into the living room where they’ll be safe from your growing wrath and frustration, to wait patiently for the beginning of dinner which is burning in the oven while you’re still tediously wrestling one teeny #?#$%&! pomegranate seed at a time from the death-grip of its creamy white rind and carefully trying to place it into the waiting receptacle (see below), NOT an easy feat ’cause your hands, as mentioned, are covered with slippery red pomegranate juice, making you drop more seeds on the floor than those you’re placing into their awaiting serving receptacles, but nonetheless, being the tenacious ADHDer that you are, you persevere…
2) Place the hard-won pomegranate seeds, the ones that are not dotting the floor like so many drops of blood, mixed with your sweat and tears as you realize how ridiculously time-consuming this supposedly simple recipe actually is and you are contemplating carving the sadistic b*tch cookbook author you heard on the radio say blithely, “this recipe is both simple and elegant,” she, not realizing that to YOU, full-fledged ADHDer, nothing is simple, and certainly there’s nothing elegant about sitting down to dinner with red juice stains streaming down your white dress shirt like you’ve just come from having your wisdom teeth removed, although this is a great excuse for the behavior caused by having drunk the leftover Goldschlager out of sheer frustration over the “Fiasco” part of Pomegranate Fiasco, because you can just excuse your sodden behavior with, “it’s the anesthetic; it hasn’t worn off yet,” making sure you lisp convincingly when you say, “aneshhhthetic,” which you probably will ’cause you’re soused anyway…
But, as I was saying, Step 2 is to place the precious pomegranate seeds in fancy schmancy glasses, such as brandy snifters or large bowl wine glasses (not sure what they’re called, but they’re BIG).
3) Pour what’s left of the Goldschlager over pomegranate fruit. Substitute vodka and some gold metal scrapings from your wife’s shopping channel jewelry if there’s no Goldschlager left.
4) Serve, trying not to spill any as you wobble towards your guests, forgetting that dinner is burning in the oven, and eager to prove that you’re not a total f*ck up in the kitchen, you CAN create something both beautiful and alcoholic.
Kessler, Z. (2012). Pomegranate Fiasco: An ADHDer’s Dessert Nightmare (or, Jamie Oliver, Move Over for Zoë Kessler!). Psych Central. Retrieved on May 6, 2016, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-zoe/2010/09/pomegranate-fiasco-an-adhders-dessert-nightmare-or-jamie-oliver-move-over-for-zoe-kessler/