I’m listening to “Purple Haze.” Jimi Hendrix. It’s 7:24 a.m. I got distracted while searching for a video of Hendrix singing Goddamn the Pusher Man. Thought this might be a sweet accompaniment for today’s post. I’m totally distracted, man. I forgot to take my meds yesterday. Sorry.

Ok, back to the post (which I started writing last night but was too tired and distracted to finish).

Ever think about the names for our ADHD drugs? A quick look in my medicine cabinet reveals: Diovan, Atenelol, Aspirin, Advil – Concerta (turn it down, Jimi, I’m trying to write here…).

The first two are for high blood pressure, the second two are common pain medications, and the last one – the sexy one – is for ADHD.

I don’t think it takes a writer, wordsmith or poet to figure out which one is playing more on my emotions.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be taking it if it didn’t help. It just kinda bugs me that I’m marketed to this way. The ads for ADHD meds (and, as it turns out, pills for other mental health issues), are slick, seductive and a slippery slope towards the quick fix.

These glossy ads are meant to do one thing: sell a product. Purple haze? You should see the ad for Vyvanse I found in a magazine last week. Woh. Green and purple. VERY eye-catching (Just a sec, I gotta go play that video again. It’s rockin’…).

‘k, I’m back.

I mean, look closer at the way meds for mental health are named and the not-so-subtle ways their names manipulate us. Take Concerta (I mean, I take Concerta, you don’t necessarily have to, and it may not help). Consider Concerta: sounds like a “concert.” Which is ironic, since its effect is to stop the noise in my head, but nonetheless I love music, so this appeals to me. Also hauntingly close to “concentrate.” I get it. Helps me concentrate, right? (And it does. I just took one. The rest of the post won’t be as messed up, I promise).

Adderall, another ADHD medication. What does this conjure up for you? I hear the word “add,” as in, it will add to my happiness. And “all,” as in, everything. Wow! Add to EVERYTHING! That’s gotta be good, right?

Add hours to my day. Add whatever. Doesn’t matter. Isn’t “add” always better than “subtract,” or “take away?” Nobody wants to have anything taken away. We want to add. Aren’t we already conditioned to accumulate, amass, and consume anything and everything as quickly as possible? The one with the most goodies at the end wins, right?

Focalin XR is another one. The obvious similarity to the word focus sucks me in immediately.

Let’s go back to that Vyvanse ad. It jumped right out at me. It’s full-color, with a smiling, self-satisfied woman who’s just finished designing and sewing a dress and selling it – presumably “advancing” her career. Say it – “vyvanse / advance” – see the connection? You’re supposed to.

There’s a quote beside her head, “When my ADHD symptoms are controlled, I can focus and finish what I start.” Good for you, baby.

The heading of the ad reads: “Vyvanse: Now approved for adults with ADHD.”  Like, great! I’ve been waiting for it. And now, it’s finally approved. Yay! What took you so long, guys? I’m ready, already! Bring it on (Never mind the fact that I never heard of Vyvanse, who cares? This ad makes it sound like I’ve been waiting for it all my life)!

In the same heading, the word ADHD is in bold, purple letters, backlit in white. The light at the end of the tunnel. Irresistible. Staring at that, I saw my miserable, disorganized, underachieving life flash before my eyes, and my spirit moved irresistibly towards that light. “I want Vyvanse!” my brain screamed. “I want to be the smiling winner in that ad! Give me some Vyvanse! Give it to me!”

I began to wonder if it was only ADHDers who were deluged with this kind of chicanery.

Do people with bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, have to put up with this? Yup. In the same mag, I found a two-page ad for Abilify. Looks like people with bipolar can be winners with the right med, too. Abilify: who can miss the obvious allusion to “ability?” You’re there, right?  Like the models in the ad, don’t we all want to walk down the beach barefoot with a hot-looking partner engaged in animated (but not manic, oh no, Abilify will curb that nasty little symptom) conversation? Abilify even includes a handy-dandy pronunciation guide – a BIL ĭ fī.  I mean, how can you ask for it if you can’t pronounce it? Thoughtful.

Still, ADHD, being the mental health condition du jour, wins out with three – count ‘em – three – FULL pages PLUS an additional sidebar offering $50 off your first prescription of Vyvanse. Goddamn the pusherman, indeed.

I want my drugs. Yes, I do. I just wish other help for my ADHD was just as easily available. It isn’t. This leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

(I’m now on about my 15^th listen to Jimi’s Purple Haze. Good thing I can’t see the video, too, or we’d never get through this post. Soothing, listening to this gritty counter-culture guy while discussing my ADHD drugs…and that drum line…yum…is it 8 a.m. yet? Nope…)

How do YOU wake up in the morning? Really? I’ve got something for that…

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (April 20, 2010)

technocrom (April 20, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 26 Feb 2011