That could be a misleading title, couldn't it? Who or what is out of control? Is it a result of the ADHD? Or is it just circumstance occurring parallel to ADHD? Or is it the ADHD itself that is out of control? When I wrote the title, I thought I would be talking about the first two things. Well, actually, I thought I'd be talking about “circumstance occurring parallel to ...” But then before I even got the title written out I realized it covered situations that were “a result of ...” as well. And before I started writing those two thoughts down I realized that the title could also apply to my ADHD being out of control.
So I may be in trouble. I'm not sure. The truth is that I may have missed an appointment. Or, I might have been supposed to do something, for someone, maybe ... I don't know. I have a friend who moved. That friend used to live in another friends home. The other friend still gets mail for the friend who moved and when that happens, I get to deliver it. Just such a piece of mail arrived the other day and was handed off to me. I got in touch with its intended recipient and made arrangements to meet on Thursday to exchange pleasantries, coffee and the above mentioned missive. I remember hanging up the phone and thinking, “That's two appointments on Thursday morning.”
When someone enters into a relationship, they bring all their baggage. When someone with ADHD enters into a relationship, it's no different. Well, it's no different in that they bring all their baggage. How it differs is that once unpacked, you find out that was just the stuff they brought in their car. There's still the moving van. “What's in the van?” you ask? Well, that's all the little quirks and symptoms that make up our ADHD.
I am very sick, and very tired. I mean really sick. I've got a bug, a cold, whatever. My head Is as thick as ... well, it's really plugged, I mean really really plugged. And tired? Yes, I'm tired. Fighting this kind of thing isn't easy on a person. They tire you out. I'm yawning and drifting off, and I'm not actually wearing myself out by doing much of anything. And is my ADHD affected? You bet your missing car keys and shiny desk kitsch it is.
The oddest thing about ADHD is that every day is a new day. I mean, I'm constantly believing that I've figured my life out, only to find myself starting from scratch the next day. Why is that? I don't know. What I have learned is that friends make a great difference. And attitude makes a great difference. And friends and attitude combined make a great difference.
I had a day today. Yes, I have a day every day, but you have to put the right emphasis on the words. Maybe if I embellish it a little, how's this? Man, did I ever have a day today!!! I started out with the wrong glasses. That's because yesterday I broke my glasses while trying to clean them. So I dug out an older pair to wear while I repaired the current ones. Why would I repair the current ones you ask? Because they're nearly ten years old and I'm pretty sure if I take them to an optician they'll simply say “No.”
I have discovered something. Something about working online. It's not good. I've also discovered that it's not bad. Yep, it's another ADHD dichotomy. A paradox of ADHD making. And I'm not sure how to score this one. I work online. I work online a lot. And I spend a lot of time being distracted. Not much of a surprise really. The internet is a vast place of distractions, and social networks. And far from helping us organize those distractions, social networks really just seem to find newer, bigger, better and bolder ways to pass more distractions by our eyes in less time.
Have you had a busy afternoon lately? Or maybe a busy day? What about a busy week? Have you had one of them ever? Not me. I don't have busy afternoons. I don't have busy days or weeks. I don't even have busy months or years. I have a busy life. I have a busy, busy, busy life. I know this because I can't keep up with other people even though I go faster than them.
I know I talked about decision making on Monday. Or rather, I talked about not making decisions. Perhaps Monday's blog post should have been called “Indecisions, Indecisions?” Oh well, too late now. Today I'm going to talk about decisions I sometimes make that I thought were wise. Before I knew I had ADHD I would often think of myself as a free spirit and a decisive being. I've since become aware that I'm actually not all that free a spirit. I've also become aware that my decisions were often made in the laziest of ways. That is to say, I had a sort of policy of making decisions that left me able to change my mind. How you ask? Read on.
Making decisions is hard work. I mean, I'm pretty decisive, it just takes a long while to work up to that decisive moment. Well, to tell the truth, sometimes I make snap decisions with less determination involved than if I'd flipped a coin. I'll say the first thing that comes into my head as if I'd been thinking about this very decision for days and just waiting for the opportunity to declare my choice. When that happens, I do not then grit my teeth and wait for the worst. I usually immediately start working on spinning the back story to my decision to sound like I really did intend to make that choice all along.