[caption id="attachment_2565" align="alignleft" width="300"] Christmas is supposed to be a time of light …[/caption]I know I said I’d try to cheer up, I didn’t lie. I’ve been much more cheerful. And those regrets I listed in my post titled Get Me Through December: A Symbolic New Beginning, I’ve let them go, to some extent. But it’s the holidays. And no adult makes it through the holidays without thoughts of loved ones who have passed away, or of childhood lost. I don’t think it can be done.
My regret of not having children weighs heavily on me at this time of year. Perhaps it’s a reasonable thing to think that I might have revisited my childhood as an observer if I’d had children, I don’t know. I know that I miss my own childhood at Christmas.
And I miss my mother. She made my Christmases what they were, not overly sensational, and yet very special. One of the things I miss about Christmases in her presence was her own joy at the season. Her happiness was enough to make me happy as a child. She taught me that lesson of sharing joy.
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As a 40 yr. old male diagnosed with ADHD I can relate to this story. I’ve had many tragedies in my life that are still difficult to deal with. At 16, I was in a auto accident that decapitated my girlfriend. At age 19 my brother died in a accidental shooting. A year later I took a plea bargain for a crime I didn’t comit and did a year in a MS. penitentiary to protect someone I loved. I was shot during a robbery at a gas station in ’04. Then while working I fell through a skylight. I fell 42ft., landed on concrete, but survived. That delayed me for 2 1/2 yrs. of my dream of moving to Colorado. 4 months after moving to CO. I met the most beautiful person and immediately fell in love. She had a horrible childhood, and no matter how hard we tried she couldn’t overcome her past. Last Dec. 8th she commited suicide. Does it ever stop or is this just life with ADHD? Yes, this is the hardest holiday season I’ve ever faced. I can definitely relate to your story. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone in struggling through the holidays.
My friend, you are not alone, though as you are well aware, we can often feel alone in the midst of a crowd. If hearing of my struggle has made you feel less lonely, then I feel less lonely for knowing we’ve helped each other out a little.
I don’t think this is life with ADHD, but I can’t say that with any authority. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that much of my life has been great. But we certainly seem to find the dark hollows on our roads don’t we.
I hope that your natural innate tenacity will carry you through this season, I hope it gets better for you and I hope that there will be good in your future, not just ADHD.
Thank you, Vanished, for sharing your insight with us, I appreciate that it must have been a difficult task. I admire you for this effort,
Kelly
Thank you Kelly for your response. I agree with all the points you mention in your reply, especially the part about staying busy. I decided to remove myself from my work and other things that keep me busy for the few days that marked a year since my fiancé passed. I did a terrible job of balancing on the fine line of staying busy or slipping into depression. I’m better now, it was just one of those days we have the strong urge to have a pity party.
Yes, life with ADHD has many ups and downs ! Did I say “ups”? I’m trying to focus on all the “ups” in my life and there are plenty of things in my life right now that are positive. I tend to take life for granted sometimes, and that makes me mad a myself as I’m the last person on earth that should do that! I do see a New Year’s resolution in the making and maybe it will be the first one I’ve accomplished.
Thank you for your article. It was a story that stirred up my emotions and in the end gave me strength. That’s definitely a plus for me.
Dear Vanished,
You are part of a large crowd of us folks that struggle to get through the holiday season. I am so sorry to read of the tragedies you have endured during your life; much than most. Congratulations on your strength.
I have found that removing myself from the many seasonal expectations from others and time commitments helps me tremendously….balanced with being busy enough not to get stuck in negative thinking (keeping myself distracted).
I also have to pay very close attention to my rest, nutrition needs and avoid people that I know to be a drain upon my spirit. I’m not saying it’s a completely successful strategy, but it helps me. May you find peace.
“As someone with ADHD, I suffer poor self awareness, low self esteem and a great ability to judge myself harshly. It takes little to confirm my self denigrating thoughts, being alone adds to the load.” OMG, Kelly! Those words are so appropriate to my life as well as I suspect many of our brothers and sisters. Three years now after my divorce I still feel like I have no family still. I’ll spend Christmas morning with my only daughter’s family and my grandkids, but because all of my ex-family will be there it will be a bittersweet and lonely affair for me. I feel like odd man out even after knowing all of them over the 28 years of my marriage. There are too many memories that are supposed to be wonderful wrapped up in the season for me enjoy it as I know I should. C’est la vie! Therapist wants me to just learn to accept the feelings and stop letting them control me. Not the best of success with that obviously. Warmest wishes to you once again my friend.
Drew
Warm wishes to you also, Drew. I hope you have a little more success with not letting the feelings control you. I have had a little luck with accepting the existence of those feelings, but I can’t accept them as valuable or valid. Still, once accepted, you can work on finding the good in the visit with your daughter and grandkids. Remember, some of us don’t have the solace of offspring.
I’m glad you’re still here and still looking forward Drew. In a situation like ours, where enduring is as much a success as progressing is, we are succeeding.
I’m always happy to hear from you, Drew. Thanks again, for reading my blog and for your comment,
Kelly