One mans fortune …

I spent most of my undiagnosed life blaming bad luck for the lows and feeling very lucky when times were good, which wasn’t often. I didn’t then, nor do I now, believe in the art of fortune telling.

I get a kick out of numerology when applied to birth dates, because the numbers are based on a calendar that has a random start date.

Tarot cards may be more accurate, I don’t know, and I’m equally unenlightened about palm reading. They could be the real deal … though I doubt it. My palms are so scarred that I don’t think you could read them anyway, even if they were actually written on. Oh, wait … eggs, bread, new guitar … maybe I can read my palm.

My old Pentax, manual external focus. My manual focus is internal.

Why can I focus on some things better than others? And why is it that the important things seem to be harder to focus on? These are questions that plague me.

They plague me particularly when I’m trying hard to view my ADHD as a way of being, rather than a flaw in my being.

I am always hoping that understanding issues will lead to being able to rectify them. If not, then I hope understanding them will possibly present a usable work around for the issue I’m studying.

The first thing I’ve noticed about things I am better able to focus on, is that they are, more often, things I enjoy. So why do I think they are less important if I enjoy them? Perhaps that is a self esteem issue. If I like them, they can’t be that important.

I may still be out there, but I’m working on being organized , and out there.

Up until I turned 49, my life seemed okay. I didn’t analyze it, I didn’t really pay it much attention, I just assumed it was okay. I thought it could be better, but whose life couldn’t, right?

It’s true, I’d had more than my share of jobs, and I couldn’t find a hobby that I liked well enough to stay with it, forsaking any others. And yes, there was room for improvement in my tax return filing skills. But I was okay.

In 2009 I became aware that I might have ADHD. Lots of research and one diagnosis later, I became a certified member of the ADHD tribe.

Shortly thereafter, in an effort to better my life, a prescription was written for stimulant medication, with my name on it.

Something to focus on …

What happens when our pleasure centres are stimulated? We like it, that’s what happens. And what happens when we like something? We want more of it. In fact, with our propensity toward addictive behaviour, we’re liable to seek out that pleasure centre stimulation at great cost to our well being.

And what do we call that seeking out of stimulation? We call that focus, that’s what we call it.

Katy Rollins: The view From Here

So, here we are with the last instalment of Katy Rollin’s answers to our questions.

It’s going to seem quiet around here when she leaves. I’ll try to keep things lively, you know I always try.

And if you haven’t had enough of the unsinkable Katy, don’t forget you can find her at her blog, 18channels, where she writes as an embedded reporter from the front lines of an ADHD family.

But enough of the future, here’s the present, according to Katy.

Home Remedies come in all shapes and sizes

You know there’s no cure, I know there’s no cure, but we both know there are things that help.

Stimulant medications are proven to assist many of us in focusing our minds and stilling our souls. But they don’t work for everyone. And even when they do, sometimes the side effects aren’t tolerable.

I’ll be your example for that, Methylphenidate helped me focus and kept my bouncing in check. Sadly it exacerbated my anxiety to an intolerable point. So here I am back again, scattered and distracted by things as insignificant as my own finger drumming, which has of course, increased.

What do I do next?

Perhaps that title should read “Why I can’t think at all?” … forget “straight.”

When I get up in the morning, my normal state of mind is rather a tornado. If I’ve got some stressful issues in my day, that normal state can be turned way up. Mostly, the tornadoes are focused when I’ve got things to deal with.

Sunday was like that for me. If you read Mondays post, you’ll know that I over extended myself, meh … a little. That was okay. Like I said, having things to deal with helps me focus.

F̶o̶c̶u̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ Focusing on a pill

I want to tell you about my current medication. It’s changed. It’s changed rather suddenly, but for reasons that grew subtly. And I’m happy about the change in some ways, but disappointed in others. And I’ve learned some things that I’ve found rather surprising.

Before we discuss this change, I want to say that emotionally biased opinions of my medication are not welcome. If you are planning on telling me I should or shouldn’t do something, I would caution you to consider that I am not telling you how to approach your treatment. I’m not telling you to take medication or not. I’m giving my opinion on the efficacy of medication.

Medication can be a large part of your treatment

Yes, it’s true. ADHD stimulant medication has side effects. And as we all know, side effects are bad. Only drugs with no side effects should ever be allowed.

So that leaves us with … nothing. Even sugar piles used as placebos have potential side effects.

To avoid the risk of side effects, you can no longer eat. There is no food that you might not potentially be affected by. Even if you’ve eaten it before with success, you may develop a reaction to your favourite vittles any day now.