Archives for Strength
So, America, you have an election coming up do you? I'm just up here in Canada watching. I have no opinions to pass on. Well, let's be clear, I have opinions, I just have none about your candidates, none I care to pass on that is. It's not my place to tell you how I think about candidates I can't vote for, not my place to suggest that the choices I might make if I could would have any business in a post here. But I have opinions about ADHD and politics. Or at least I have opinions about ADHD symptoms and candidates.
So I may be in trouble. I'm not sure. The truth is that I may have missed an appointment. Or, I might have been supposed to do something, for someone, maybe ... I don't know. I have a friend who moved. That friend used to live in another friends home. The other friend still gets mail for the friend who moved and when that happens, I get to deliver it. Just such a piece of mail arrived the other day and was handed off to me. I got in touch with its intended recipient and made arrangements to meet on Thursday to exchange pleasantries, coffee and the above mentioned missive. I remember hanging up the phone and thinking, “That's two appointments on Thursday morning.”
When someone enters into a relationship, they bring all their baggage. When someone with ADHD enters into a relationship, it's no different. Well, it's no different in that they bring all their baggage. How it differs is that once unpacked, you find out that was just the stuff they brought in their car. There's still the moving van. “What's in the van?” you ask? Well, that's all the little quirks and symptoms that make up our ADHD.
I could write three blog posts every Friday and schedule them to publish over the next week. Or, I could write 12 or 13 of them at the end of each month and schedule them to be published, one every Monday, Wednesday and Friday through the next month. But that doesn't happen. What happens most often is that the night before my self imposed deadline I sit down and write a blog post based on some inspiration I've had that day. Or, I do some reading and come up with some inspiration. Either way, I manage to write a blog post. One. No more. Then I schedule it for the next morning and I go to bed. Since I began writing this blog I've been pretty good with my deadlines, I've missed two or three of them, but I've always made up for the ones I've missed. Four times I've gotten up out of bed to write at night after realizing I have a deadline the next day after going to bed. And once, I set my alarm for five so that I could get up and write a post the morning of, when I was just too exhausted to write that night.
I do. I have ADHD. It isn't something you catch, so don't worry, I'm not contagious. On the other hand, if you already have it but are oblivious, close proximity to me might cause you to catch on. See, I'm pretty aware of my disorder, pretty aware of the things it does to my life, the issues it causes, and yes, even the bonuses I can derive from it. And I'm not a quiet guy. So if you hang around with me, you'll start hearing all about life with ADHD. And if you recognize yourself in the picture I paint, you may catch a bad (or good) case of understanding.
At the Age of fifty I was diagnosed with ADHD. Before that I spent the better part of two years knowing, but not really knowing I had ADHD. During those two years I did a lot of research. I spent long periods of time that were marked with epiphany after epiphany. Revelations and moments of discovery were the order of the day, for many days. I also spent days where I would convince myself that I was wrong, that what I was experiencing was normal and what people with ADHD experienced was the same, but far, far worse.
It's 7:30 PM on a Thursday night. I'm at a meeting. It's a group that I enjoy. And we have a project on the go. I won't bore you with the details of the project, but suffice it to say that the project is in its infancy. We have miles to go. We may not even pull it off. It's pretty ambitious. It's so early in its life and so ambitious, in fact, that we're just getting started breaking down the different tasks that will need to be done. And, God help me, I want to volunteer for all of them. But I also want to volunteer for none of them. That is, I don't want to volunteer for any of them.
There can be a lot of differences in lives with ADHD depending on where the light shines in them, and where the shadows fall. Acceptance or denial can mean so much in the long run. Let's consider two boys, the same age, in the same grade, in similar schools, in similar towns, each with ADHD. Let's call them Art and Bert. Sorry if your name is Art or Bert, this is a fictional scenario, so this isn't you. This is them. And here they are:
I'm past the double nickle now, 57 to be exact. It's likely that I've lived more then half my life at this age. And I suspect that having ADHD means that my life expectancy might be shorter than the norm. I mean, come on, we are more likely to wind up in emerge at any given time, more likely to die of accidental poisoning (that's true, I read it somewhere on the internet so it has to be true, right?). How are we ever going to live as long as “the others?” And where am I in my life? Am I a success? Am I ready to retire like that “Freedom Fifty-Five” stuff says? Ha! I wish.
When my day is all about one thing, when I have just one job to do, when there's nothing around to distract me ... I get sluggish. Nothing can take my mind from sharp, bright and quick to dull, dark, and struggling like being stuck doing just one thing for an over extended period of time. But the good thing is that, for me, the cause would seem to be the cure.