Archives for Strength
I may have mentioned before that I keep a notepad in my back pocket at all times. It's a contractor thing. It's a writer thing. Okay, it's an ADHD thing. As a contractor, I use it to write down measurements, make lists of materials, keep track of phone numbers I don't need in my phone, or addresses I'll never need again unless I'm working there again in the future, at which time I'll get the address again. And as a writer, when inspiration hits, it isn't always easy or convenient to break out the laptop and just start writing, but I can almost always say, "Excuse me a moment ..." snap out my little paper notebook and jot down what I hope will be enough for me to remember the inspiration and the context.
I never noticed before, how often I am taken by surprise by my life and the things that go on in it. That's probably because I've never lived any other life but mine and it has been full of surprises. Not always big surprises, and not always true surprises. In fact, I'm looking at a Monday ahead of me here and I'm unsure about whether I have something I'm supposed to be doing tonight. If I do, then I've already heard about it, accepted it as my fate whether it is something good or bad, and filed it away in my Swiss cheese mind. So when I find out or am told about this evening's activities, if there are any, I'll have a moment of doubt, along with the nagging feeling that I've heard this somewhere before.
Did you know that people with ADHD thrive in certain job situations and languish in others? It's true, and another thing that is true is that no two of us are alike in that respect. So though we thrive in some jobs and don't in others, we don't all thrive in the same jobs. That being said, there are some jobs that are more likely to be the right fit for the majority of us. Those jobs tend to offer certain things that make our lives better. That's why we thrive in those situations. And today, of all days, November 11th, it seems
I have things to do. I have stuff going on in my life. I have problems, and projects, and hopes and dreams. I have things to do, to take care of, to get through or enjoy. I don't have time for ADHD. So, I'm asking if I can take a break from it ... please? It would be such a relief to not have to deal with all the little stuff that it brings into my life.
I get some interesting reactions when I tell people I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was fifty. I'm pretty sure that some of them are the result of people thinking, "How did no one know before then?" I'm equally sure that some are caused by people who are still willing to believe that ADHD, particularly Adult ADHD, do not exist. Many of those people also believe that vaccines cause autism, prisons correct behaviour issues, the world is flat, the moon landing was faked ... you get the picture. And then there are the people who can't help but wonder what I was thinking all those years if I actually had ADHD all along and didn't know what was wrong with me.
Okay, I admit it. I can be a bit verbose, chatty, long winded. I'm Garrulous. Rambling. Wordy. You know, I tend to talk too much. I'm reassured, though, by the fact that I never stay on one subject long enough to bore anyone. At least I don't think I bore anyone. I've never been told I do. I've never really been told much of anything, once I get talking. That's why I'm sure it's okay. Surely someone would have said something by now, right?
There are people who debate the existence of hyper-focus. There are those who say it isn't focus if you can't control it. The term comes from being focused on something to the exclusion of all else, whether there are more important things that need ones attention. So, since it is about being focused on, and unable to withdraw that focus, I'm okay with the term hyper-focus, so long as it isn't suggested that I can turn it on and direct it toward something. But there is no one who will argue the validity of the label “hyperactive.” While I take exception to the other words in the name “Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder,” and while the “hyperactive” part doesn't apply to all of us and is therefore suspect as well, the truth is that for those of us that have the “H” gene, it is absolutely the perfect term.
In so many ways, ADHD is the disorder of "All or Nothing!" When we are on the ball and focused, we do it all. All the things we need to do get done. And that's a good thing? Right? Well, except for when we give people the impression that that is our standard operating procedure, our S.O.P. But when we go off the tracks with rampant symptom experiences we can just as easily get nothing done that was required of us. We might even, at that point, get all the wrong things done. A different kind of "all" that results in "nothing."
I am a writer. Among other things, I write two blogs. I also contribute to another group blog on a regular basis. That amounts to an average of somewhere between ten and eleven posts a week. And I write other things that I've mentioned so often here I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about them. And I think I might have mentioned that I don't really get anything that resembles normal writer's block. I seem to have a knack for just sitting down and writing when I have to.
I have no idea what a “day off” actually is. I just realized that. Yes, I've had days off from jobs I've held. It's true. And I always looked forward to them. And now that I work mostly for myself, and especially now that I'm winding that work down, I've been declaring that this day or that one is a day off. But I really haven't got a clue what that could possibly mean. For one thing, these so called days off seem to be full of me doing all kinds of little things I'd set aside as being unimportant enough to take up time on work days.