Did the local hoodlums waylay me at the corner? Have I fallen to the ravages of some dread physical disease? Did someone steal my coffee?
No, none of these things happened. I got busy with many things, I thought I was doing okay as far as all the things I could do in concert with each other.
I wrote things on my calendar with a pen and then I had to go , ’cause, pen, right?
I know, I’m always busy. I’m a busy guy. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. But being a busy person is not the same as having a busy schedule.
I can wake up in a hotel on a day off in a strange town, and from the moment my feet hit the floor, I’m busy.
I had a large number of things to do yesterday, so naturally I started by checking Facebook to make sure the world hadn’t ended and just hadn’t sent me a memo or left me a voice mail about it.
It seemed the world hadn’t ended, even during the 45 minutes it took me to peruse my notifications and private messages. But a post on an ADHD page I frequent had gone viral. Well, almost viral. And I got caught up in it as it filled in like a stock ticker, with the next comment appearing nearly as fast as I could read the last one. I am a slow reader, but I’m not that slow.
The post was a meme that said: “So … if you could rid the world of one thing what would it be?”
I thought I’d take the time to write a post about a thing I do. It has to do with time and I hope you have the time to read it.
I am always feeling like I’m falling behind. I feel like, no matter what I accomplish, there is more left to do than when I started.
As a result, I often find myself looking for the quickest, most efficient way to accomplish things. I calculate routes around town based on how many traffic lights I’ll encounter, how many stop signs I’ll have to deal with, how much traffic there will be on my chosen roads.
I may have mentioned this before, I have ADHD. And though I’ve only known that for six years (I was diagnosed five years ago), I’ve had it most of my life.
I have an interesting view of my life, yet not a terribly unique one (there are many people my age just finding out about their ADHD). My view of my life is one where I have memories of life as a confused person thinking I was just like everyone else.
Now, as I look back, I see the effects of ADHD and the intricate ways in which I rationalized, ignored and denied those effects.
I know it’s Friday. The work week, for many, ends today. Just get through this and we’re free for the weekend.
This is your happy place, right? You get to blow off the stresses and strains of that old nine to five and let go.
Not me, I don’t have what you might call gainful employment. At least not of the regular flavor. Mine comes and goes. Some contracting here, a bit of writing there, some snow removal in the right season, a moving job now and then, and some editing all serve to keep the wolf from the door.
There’s clutter in my world. There’s a three pronged offensive that causes a mess that follows me around.
The photo to the left doesn’t show the mess or clutter that was on the couch, it shows what happens when I make an effort to reclaim space. It took ten minutes to tidy up, it took three weeks to decide to.
I’m getting very tired of this. If you would like to tell me that you do not have ADHD, feel free. If you would like to tell me that you can’t find your car keys six days out of seven, but you don’t have ADHD, that’s okay.
If you would like to tell me that you walk into rooms 50 times a day and wonder what you went in there for, AND you can’t find your car keys but you don’t have ADHD, that’s okay too.
If you want to tell me you cannot focus on a book long enough to read the synopsis, you walk into rooms and then can’t remember why and can’t find yo
ur keys but you don’t have ADHD … that’s fine.
Some title, eh? And I hear this in different ways. There’s the old dismissive standard: “ADHD is just an excuse for ! (fill in the blank)” And then there’s: “Every time you do that, you blame your ADHD!” And one of my all time favorites: “Instead of talking about your ADHD, why don’t you do something about it?”
It’s nice that there is so much help out there, isn’t it? And the great thing is that any one of these remarks immediately makes me retreat into myself, disengage from the person who says them, and re-establish my relationship with the cracks I’d thought I had patched in my shattered self esteem.
I seem to have a problem that would almost be the opposite of ADHD, except, it’s not. My ADHD mind is usually a whirl of thoughts and ideas. It’s a rare occasion when I am unable to come up with an idea for … well, for anything.
In fact, standard operating procedure for me is to have too many ideas and to little patience on the part of whoever is listening to my ideas. That’s life in the fast lane for this brain … most of the time.
On Wednesday I began a discussion on ADHD stimulant medication delivery systems. Not the nice man from the drug store who drives around town, but rather the way in which the stimulant is delivered to your system.
In that post, I discussed the old method of trying to remember to take multiple small doses through out the day. It worked, when you succeeded.