Archives for Meditation
I used to think I was unlucky. Thought that had to be why things went wrong. The truth is that ADHD is a wicked life master at times. As a youth, I was pretty agile. I was also pretty athletic. Go figure, a hyper-active guy who was athletic. It was, no doubt, due to my hyper-activity that I was in such good shape. As a teenager, for instance, it was nothing for me to just decide to go for a two mile run at 11PM. And I don't suppose I need to mention that there wasn't much I couldn't climb. Ha, now that I think about it, the first day that I moved into the house I currently live in I got it into my head that I should have a close look at
There can be a lot of differences in lives with ADHD depending on where the light shines in them, and where the shadows fall. Acceptance or denial can mean so much in the long run. Let's consider two boys, the same age, in the same grade, in similar schools, in similar towns, each with ADHD. Let's call them Art and Bert. Sorry if your name is Art or Bert, this is a fictional scenario, so this isn't you. This is them. And here they are:
There are a lot of seemingly conflicting aspects to ADHD that I've mentioned before. Like how we can't focus on most things just because we should, yet we can focus on some things whether we should or shouldn't. You know, home work, report writing, calendar items vs. TV shows, video games, rain on the window, leaves that you're walking through, an insect on a journey across the patio table, a comic book, the waitress with the pretty smile, the ... oh, sorry. Or how about the way that stimulants calm our agitated behavior down, at least until they wear off.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? A perplexing question. And it poses an interesting problem when we observe the closed system of poultry reproduction. One might also ask, which came first, the parent or the child, and that would figuratively lead us down another path of investigation and intrigue. Now, bearing these things on a shelf in one corner of the mind, let us consider the ADHD penchant for artistic expression. Yes, I'm aware that some deny the existence of such a link, but I'm equally aware that a quick survey of my acquaintances, both with and without ADHD reveal a tendency towards art as an expression of vocation or at the very least a preferred method of relaxation or choice for a hobby among those with ADHD and a lesser tendency towards the same among those who are, shall we say, neuro-typical.
For people with ADHD, relaxing is something we just barely understand the idea of. And while we are aware of how it is supposed to work, few of us have truly experienced relaxation for more than a moment or two at a time. In fact, for some of us, the thought of sitting still and quiet is unnerving. And actually doing that? Sitting still and quiet? That's been a threat of punishment for us since grade school. What exactly is relaxing? For most of the world, relaxing involves sitting still and meditating or maintaining our mind calmly and quietly. Often when people “go” to relax it involves finding a place where responsibilities don't exist and then wallowing in that lack of responsibility.
It may not seem like it at times, it may not seem like it ever, but there are occasions when I don't have a clue what to say. I mean here in my blog. I am very rarely at a loss for words in person. In fact, it often seems that I don't really need to have anything to say in order to talk. I know this because I often talk to myself, and every now and then I have to interrupt myself and ask if there might be an actual point to what I'm saying coming up any time soon ... But my blog is not idle chatter. Or at least it's not supposed to be. It's supposed to be a discussion of what I know about ADHD and what I experience in a life with ADHD.
I like grey skies and rainy days. Make no mistake, in the spring, summer and autumn, I love sunshine. But I still like those grey days. Something about them calms me, makes me feel safer, makes me feel cloaked and comfortable. I love those days when I'm driving. I think it might be the sensation of the closeness of the sky and horizons. I'm also more comfortable when I'm inside a house on days like that, or sheltered under a veranda or porch roof.
I'm a Hyperactive Person. My hyperactivity has been turned inward for the most part. I manage to stay out of trees and off of roofs ... most of the time. I am 54 years old after all. I really should try to stay on the ground more, right? But my toe still bobs, my fingers snap, my pen tip taps on the table top. I'm always humming or thrumming and I whistle or sing. If I'm not making noise out loud, there's a song playing in my head.
I know I said I'd try to cheer up, I didn't lie. I've been much more cheerful. And those regrets I listed in my post titled Get Me Through December: A Symbolic New Beginning, I've let them go, to some extent. But it's the holidays. And no adult makes it through the holidays without thoughts of loved ones who have passed away, or of childhood lost. I don't think it can be done. My regret of not having children weighs heavily on me at this time of year. Perhaps it's a reasonable thing to think that I might have revisited my childhood as an observer if I'd had children, I don't know. I know that I miss my own childhood at Christmas. And I miss my mother. She made my Christmases what they were, not overly sensational, and yet very special. One of the things I miss about Christmases in her presence was her own joy at the season. Her happiness was enough to make me happy as a child. She taught me that lesson of sharing joy.
ADHD enjoys a certain mystery among those who choose not understand it. If those people believe at all that it exists, they can't see what goes on inside our heads. And it seems that they'd rather not know. They therefore think it's all distractions and random associations. And, truly, there is a lot of that, I have to admit, but we are so much more than that. We are complex, much more than just collectors of unfinished projects, pilers of things, missers of appointments. We are the ones who see the things that others can't in the places others aren't drawn to look. We are the ones who feel a tree's strength and softness at the same time, the ones who hear the river laughing at the rocks it tumbles over. We are the ones who feel a kindred love for small birds who dash around from twig to terrace and cannot sit still for more than a few seconds.