Archives for Adult ADHD
Okay, I admit it. I can be a bit verbose, chatty, long winded. I'm Garrulous. Rambling. Wordy. You know, I tend to talk too much. I'm reassured, though, by the fact that I never stay on one subject long enough to bore anyone. At least I don't think I bore anyone. I've never been told I do. I've never really been told much of anything, once I get talking. That's why I'm sure it's okay. Surely someone would have said something by now, right?
There are people who debate the existence of hyper-focus. There are those who say it isn't focus if you can't control it. The term comes from being focused on something to the exclusion of all else, whether there are more important things that need ones attention. So, since it is about being focused on, and unable to withdraw that focus, I'm okay with the term hyper-focus, so long as it isn't suggested that I can turn it on and direct it toward something. But there is no one who will argue the validity of the label “hyperactive.” While I take exception to the other words in the name “Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder,” and while the “hyperactive” part doesn't apply to all of us and is therefore suspect as well, the truth is that for those of us that have the “H” gene, it is absolutely the perfect term.
I keep thinking that being a school bus driver would be a perfect job for me. I don't mind getting up early. I'd have the end of my mornings and the beginning of my afternoons free, and I could still write, probably as much as I already do. And yet, I really do know better. The repetitive aspect of driving a bus would mean I'd become inattentive. I'd start to forget little things. Things like that it was Monday, or I'd leave my license and bright yellow vest at home. Next it would be where I was going. Eventually I'd forget to pick up kids or drop them off where they were going.
It is not untrue that most of the symptoms of ADHD are, for the most part, normal conditions associated with everyday life. They are the annoying things that happen, more often in the mind, that make one feel incapable, incompetent, or possibly foolish every now and then. The problem for ADHD is that these symptoms occur with such frequency and are often such spectacular examples that they have an ongoing and definitively negative effect on ones life. But there are other subtle commonalities that many of us share that are not considered symptoms because they are neither indicative, nor do they occur frequently enough.
In so many ways, ADHD is the disorder of "All or Nothing!" When we are on the ball and focused, we do it all. All the things we need to do get done. And that's a good thing? Right? Well, except for when we give people the impression that that is our standard operating procedure, our S.O.P. But when we go off the tracks with rampant symptom experiences we can just as easily get nothing done that was required of us. We might even, at that point, get all the wrong things done. A different kind of "all" that results in "nothing."
So. DNA. It's a thing, right? And it can be used to tell you where you came from. And lately I've been interested in that. I mean, I've been wondering where my ADHD came from. You see, it's highly heritable, so the odds of it having developed spontaneously in me are pretty unlikely. That means that one of my parents had it.
I am a writer. Among other things, I write two blogs. I also contribute to another group blog on a regular basis. That amounts to an average of somewhere between ten and eleven posts a week. And I write other things that I've mentioned so often here I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about them. And I think I might have mentioned that I don't really get anything that resembles normal writer's block. I seem to have a knack for just sitting down and writing when I have to.
I have no idea what a “day off” actually is. I just realized that. Yes, I've had days off from jobs I've held. It's true. And I always looked forward to them. And now that I work mostly for myself, and especially now that I'm winding that work down, I've been declaring that this day or that one is a day off. But I really haven't got a clue what that could possibly mean. For one thing, these so called days off seem to be full of me doing all kinds of little things I'd set aside as being unimportant enough to take up time on work days.
Please don't ask me, I can't say no. Well, I can, but it hurts. I mean, it really hurts. I'm a retired contractor, retired as of three months ago. I've spent that time working on my own house. And that's helped me a lot. You see, when someone asked me to do something during that time, I could honestly say I was busy. But it still hurts. I hate saying no. It feels like I'm letting people down, and I don't deal with that well at all.
As a writer, I detest the phrase, “going forward” as a description of conditions under which certain actions will be appropriate. Why? Because it describes the one condition that will absolutely take place. “This will be our policy going forward.” Well, yes it will be. But “This will be our policy.” says exactly the same thing. But as an ADHD writer, I want to reclaim the phrase, “going forward,” and redefine it.