Archives for Adult ADHD
Did you know I golf? Yep I do. And you know what? I'm not bad at it. Okay, that was a lie, I do play golf, but I'm bad at it. But the thing is, I don't care that I'm bad at it. And the deeper truth is that I'm not the worst at it. I've played with people worse at golf than I am. And I've learned a few truths about life, even life with ADHD, from playing a round now and again. A round of golf that is.
ADHD sucks. Yeah, yeah, Ferrari engine with Raleigh brakes, thinking outside the box, creativity, all that stuff. But there's also heart on your sleeve, and the risk of opening your mouth, forgetting to make appointments, forgetting that you did make appointments, and standing in the doorway for the hundredth time this morning asking yourself, “What was it I wanted in here?” ADHD is not fun. You can know so much, and you are often unable to do anything with it. And though symptoms that recur ad nauseam can all be put down, and
You can't not know what rain is. Even if you live in one of the drier parts of the world, you've heard of rain. Everyone else has seen it. We've prayed for it or cursed it. It's saved lawns and gardens and crops or canceled games and concerts, ruined weddings, flooded rivers and washed houses away. It gives life to all things, and sometimes talks it away. It is godlike in its omnipotence. But mostly, it is just the thing that falls from the sky, sometimes when you don't want it to.
ADHD is tenacious. When someone with ADHD is stressed, their ADHD responds by getting worse. Worse still, is the problem that occurs in families with ADHD when the ADHD of one family member causes stress for another with ADHD. And this can be in any relationship, parent child, child parent, siblings, it doesn't matter. ADHD does not care to whom you are related or how.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, possibly the worst name going for this particular issue. The only word that is accurate is disorder. Hyperactivity comes a close second, or would do if in fact everyone with ADHD were hyperactive. But the real craw sticking thing for me is that “Attention Deficit” part. I have no deficit of attention. I pay attention all day, every day. I am nothing but attention.
I live a life of ADHD and I do it rather well I think. I spent a lot of my life not knowing about ADHD and as such, I was certainly unaware that I had it. Then along came the old diagnosis after a half century, and now I spend my days observing things I could have seen all my life but had no frame of reference by which to understand. After the diagnosis, the revelations started coming fast and furious. The number of times I would find myself saying “Aha!” or “OMG, that's why I ...” were frequent, let me tell you.
There are those who postulate that people with ADHD are just not trying hard enough, that we're lazy. There are those who suggest that we aren't very bright, that we're stupid. I've recently read memes that offer the solution of corporal punishment to “cure” ADHD in children. I suppose the idea is that if the inattentiveness can be beaten out of them they'll just be stupid and that will be acceptable. After all, there's lots of
I do a lot of things to fill my time. I'm not bragging, I really do a lot of different things. Granted, a lot of them have to do with writing, but not all of them. And some of them have to do with computers, but not all of them. And the truth is that I still have to do the odd job as a contractor. But not so much anymore. I'm weening myself off of that addiction. Pretty soon I'll just be an occasional contractor, doing it just for myself.
Having ADHD has proven itself to be more than a tad challenging I have to admit. Being aware of the issues that my symptoms cause has also made me aware of the way life might have been for me without those issues. The truth is that on a good day when I've had adequate sleep, everything I can think of is caught up, and nothing goes amiss, I can almost forget that I have ADHD. Good days are often few and far between. And when there's some huge project in my life going on, one so large as to be made up of multiple activities and milestones and landmarks that must be even partially coordinated, good days are way off on the distant horizon.
There is always music playing in my head. There are times when, if I try to tune in to it I can't hear it, but other times if I let my mind be still for a moment, there it is. I used to think that maybe one of my tooth fillings was acting as a radio receiver that was so low powered that I could only hear what was being received subconsciously. But alas the radio tooth filling myth has been busted and if they don't actually exist then I clearly don't have one, subsonic or otherwise. It turns out, that many of us with ADHD have music playing in our heads a lot. It's like internal elevator Muzak that we get to program ourselves ... sort of. And beyond that, music remains a big part of my life. I write it, listen to it, perform it, to some extent I teach it a bit. I also encourage others to engage in it, especially those who want to delve farther into the mysteries and magic of music.