Archives for Coping
Everyone multitasks. Or at least they believe they multitask. The truth is that they actually do little parts of multiple tasks in alternating sequence. Few people can actually do more than one thing at a time.
But that “parts of multiple tasks in alternating sequence” thing, that's pretty good. And if we're going to look at humankind's abilities and say that within those abilities this is what we're calling multitasking, than yeah, we all do that.
And some of us do it more than others, better than others also. Like any other activity in our arsenal, there is a spectrum of competence. But ...
I had a great idea for a blog post today. It was so good I thought I'd never forget it. You're reading this instead.
But you know, for the most part, I write things down now. I have a note pad and a pen in my pocket at all times. And sometimes when it's time to write a post, all I have to do is read my note pad and there are a whole bunch of ideas.
Admittedly, some of them sounded better before I wrote them down. Somehow a lot of them lose something in the brewing and steeping that occurs in my pocket after being recorded.
For people with ADHD, relaxing is something we just barely understand the idea of. And while we are aware of how it is supposed to work, few of us have truly experienced relaxation for more than a moment or two at a time.
In fact, for some of us, the thought of sitting still and quiet is unnerving. And actually doing that? Sitting still and quiet? That's been a threat of punishment for us since grade school.
What exactly is relaxing? For most of the world, relaxing involves sitting still and meditating or maintaining our mind calmly and quietly. Often when people “go” to relax it involves finding a place where responsibilities don't exist and then wallowing in that lack of responsibility.
I'm not ADHD. And ADHD isn't me.
I have ADHD, but that's not who I am. You can get to know me and never suspect that I have ADHD. Because again, that's really not who I am.
I can take a course in just about anything. I may do well, or I may struggle. Either way, it may be because of my ADHD, but you will never know that, because I'm a person. I'm not ADHD.
Today isn't my best day. Today is Tuesday, July 21st. You're reading this on Wednesday if you're reading it fresh. Tuesday is my wedding anniversary. Or it would be if I weren't a widower.
And Wednesday? (Today for you.) Wednesday is the anniversary of my wife's passing. I'm writing this on Tuesday while knowing that it will be published on Wednesday and it's hard to keep my focus on writing about ADHD with these things being part of the flavor of these days.
It's interesting to note that, because of poor time management and poor time awareness, I have at least once discovered that these two anniversaries have slipped by unnoticed by me until they were in the past.
Have you ever tried to do something that requires several steps to be completed by doing it step by step? For me, it doesn't work.
If I can't do two or more steps at the same time, I'll often do other things in conjunction with the individual steps I'm performing.
Writing a blog is one of those linear things, and usually I'm doing other things in between the words I write.
Seems like I write a lot about what it's like to have ADHD. That's partly because ADHD is what this blog is about. But it's also because I'm often writing about my life on the fly and when I can.
You take today for instance. It's Tuesday, July 14th, 2015. I'm writing Wednesday's blog. That will be July 15th. And I'm doing it after three other things and before another. Big things, really. At least big for me.
The first was a photo shoot. I'm in a duo called
People sometimes tell me they have trouble keeping up with me. Well, not so often anymore, since my body has gotten older on me. But still, some people think I get around a lot.
And to tell the truth, for various reasons I don't always tell people everything I do. Sometimes I forget things I did, sometimes they weren't really things to be proud of, and sometimes I just don't think some folks can handle hearing about the madness of my days and weeks.
One of the most needed commodities in the life of a person with ADHD, is acceptance. Many of us seem to crave positive social interaction.
Yet, when our social interactions take on a negative caste, many of us are understanding of that. It's as if we just believe that we don't deserve to have positive experiences. Or as if we were trying to hide our flaws, but had to admit that, of course they would be discovered.
But I've become aware of an interesting thing with regards to acceptance. It seems to be contagious.
How did I get here? Yes, that is the question we constantly ask ourselves. And we're not just talking about our current life situation. Though sometimes that's exactly what we're talking about.
I remember wondering those very words in several significant situations and locations. I wondered that when I stood in front of a justice of the peace 31 years ago when I said “I do.” I was amazed that I was doing something that seemed good and right.
The year before that I remember asking myself “How did I get here?” while I sat in an interrogation room at a police station trying to explain, with my slurred speech, the flipped car and the obviously failed breathalyzer test.