Archives for Anxiety
I'm serious. I'm thinking about this. I'm thinking this is something I could do that would be positive. And yes, I mean back on medication. Yes, I've been on medication. And yes, it did help. So now you're asking why I'm not currently medicated, right? Okay, some of you are asking that, and some of you may just be saying, “Who cares?” And some of you may even be screaming at your screens saying, “DON'T DO IT!!! Where to start ... lets start at the beginning. When I was first diagnosed, my diagnosis came with a recommendation that I be given a prescription for Methylphenidate. You'd know it by its more common name of
A friend named John wrote to me recently complaining of a so called news story by HuffPost Science. Damn! I liked them. They seemed to be mostly on the ball. Well, until they started spouting anti-vax rhetoric and then ... well, read on. Sadly, a lot of news organizations have jumped on the old “ADHD May Not Be Real” band wagon. They say nothing really. They quote people who sound like they might know something, quote them as if they did know something. The match pro opinion against con opinion and set it up to look like there's some kind of validity to the argument.
I just got in from telling stories. I write stories as I remember them from my youth and childhood. And tonight, I had been invited back to the church of my childhood to tell a couple of those stories I've written about my past as they were about that very town to which I had been invited. Both stories involved my mother, and since today was mothers' day I thought that was also appropriate. And they were stories that talked about the humor to be found in life, and about the human condition. And they were well received.
So I may be in trouble. I'm not sure. The truth is that I may have missed an appointment. Or, I might have been supposed to do something, for someone, maybe ... I don't know. I have a friend who moved. That friend used to live in another friends home. The other friend still gets mail for the friend who moved and when that happens, I get to deliver it. Just such a piece of mail arrived the other day and was handed off to me. I got in touch with its intended recipient and made arrangements to meet on Thursday to exchange pleasantries, coffee and the above mentioned missive. I remember hanging up the phone and thinking, “That's two appointments on Thursday morning.”
Have you had a busy afternoon lately? Or maybe a busy day? What about a busy week? Have you had one of them ever? Not me. I don't have busy afternoons. I don't have busy days or weeks. I don't even have busy months or years. I have a busy life. I have a busy, busy, busy life. I know this because I can't keep up with other people even though I go faster than them.
I didn't get inspired today. That happens. That's why it's ten o'clock at night and I'm sitting here just starting to write now. But of course I do have something to write about. I was out on the town tonight, at an open mic. And I was in exactly the right place for me to be, even though I was there when I should have been in my office writing this blog post. You see it reminded me that, like most people with ADHD, I've had many different hobbies, and many different jobs. And that's the way it is for us. And now that I'm older, and more importantly, now that I know that this is normal, I'm trying to make the many hobbies into several jobs so that I can support myself by doing the things I enjoy.
There's a storm coming. And it's going to be a big one. By the time you are able to read this I'll be seriously contemplating staying in and going no where. The weather prognosticators are saying that would be a good plan. Some times storms can be amazing. And part of that is the enforced break. I notice that on the rare occasions when I'm forced to stop running, to settle and wait, that I actually enjoy the rest. True, my mind is still darting around looking for things that it can occupy itself with. But so what? That's the way my mind is. It's like an engine that has no gear box. It's direct drive. Once it's started, it just keeps making that wheel go around. So when the belt slipped off the wheel back when I was “developing” this wild brain, there was no way to put it back on.
I was reading a post I'd been led to by social media, and I came across a reference to ADHD being a medical diagnosis. The writer of the reference compared being diagnosed with ADHD to being diagnosed with Diabetes. Points were made about Diabetes causing lifelong health issues and potentially death. The writer then said that ADHD was, by comparison, only a behavioral issue. But that writer then went on to say that life long effects of social anxiety and poor self esteem were pretty damaging also. The writer was defending the people who deal with ADHD, and doing it rather well. Passion was definitely evident.
There can be a lot of differences in lives with ADHD depending on where the light shines in them, and where the shadows fall. Acceptance or denial can mean so much in the long run. Let's consider two boys, the same age, in the same grade, in similar schools, in similar towns, each with ADHD. Let's call them Art and Bert. Sorry if your name is Art or Bert, this is a fictional scenario, so this isn't you. This is them. And here they are:
Holidays are times of stress. Yes, there's joy and family and planned fun. But not for everyone. And sometimes, along with the stress, there is pain. This is the time of year we miss the ones who are no longer with us. Whether they're still alive but gone their own ways, or whether they've run their race and crossed that line to whatever is waiting next for us, if anything is. And sometimes the stress is far more poignant, because the problems of separation are fresh wounds that happened just a few months or weeks or maybe even days ago.