Archives for Anxiety
There is a state of mind, or perhaps a partial state of mind, that I sometimes, or possibly always am in, that keeps me unaware of many things around me. I am oblivious to things. Not all things, and not just important ones. But when I become aware of the things that I've been missing, I am usually stunned, sometimes hurt, often upset.
So, some idiot is spouting off about how he doesn't believe in ADHD. Sadly, he is a psychologist who is either misled or misquoted. And of course the hundreds of thousands of other mental health professionals who disagree with him will not be quoted because that isn't attention grabbing enough to be published. And the worst of this for people with ADHD is that they are put in a position where they are having to debate the validity of a disorder whose symptoms are present in all of humanity. That makes us sound like whiners complaining that our allowance is being taken away.
Yesterday I suggested that the lesson I learned from moving out of my home of thirty-one plus years in just five weeks was to take time to ponder decisions. Although I did concede that I did not, closer to the end, have that luxury. See, us folks with ADHD kind of have this thing where we just do what comes to mind. We are often the living definition of spontaneity. We are also, often, the living definition of regret.
It is done. At least my part is done. I've moved everything out. Locked the door for the last time. Signed the papers. Today is the closing day of the sale.And I am in a café, hiding out, out of town. I'm guessing that if you're a regular reader you are as happy about this as I am. For me it means moving on to new adventures. For you it means not hearing about my house being for sale anymore.
Yes. I'm moving. I know I've mentioned it, so don't be pretending like I haven't told you. And while I'm moving I have some other things to do. I have three music gigs in front of me. There's the holiday celebrations, including parties. I'm still curling. I may or may not have promised baking to some people. Of course I'm going to blow it somewhere along the way. I'm a person with ADHD.
Last Wednesday I talked about the importance of making notes. I mentioned how just the act of writing something down would often help me remember things. Then on Friday I told about how my constant companion, my note pad, went through all but the ringer on laundry day. Lather, rinse, repeat! And yes, I was thankful that the act of writing things down is more important than the keeping of the notes. And I also mentioned that I have been remiss in relating my holiday experiences and sharing my tricks for surviving the holidays without being incarcerated.
Well, I've done it. I've really lodged myself in to a predicament now. Those of you who are following along may, at this point, be wondering what I'm talking about. You may be saying to yourself, "Is he referring to having promised holiday content and not delivered?" Or you might be saying, "Oh, oh, has something gone wrong with the sale of the house? Like, maybe it's going ahead and he's realizing he's got a month to do three weeks worth of work but no time for the three months of overthinking he'll have to do to get that three weeks work done?" Or you might be thinking, "Has he run out of coffee?"
I never noticed before, how often I am taken by surprise by my life and the things that go on in it. That's probably because I've never lived any other life but mine and it has been full of surprises. Not always big surprises, and not always true surprises. In fact, I'm looking at a Monday ahead of me here and I'm unsure about whether I have something I'm supposed to be doing tonight. If I do, then I've already heard about it, accepted it as my fate whether it is something good or bad, and filed it away in my Swiss cheese mind. So when I find out or am told about this evening's activities, if there are any, I'll have a moment of doubt, along with the nagging feeling that I've heard this somewhere before.
If you have ADHD you have problems. Period. End of story. Yes, yes, I know. It's a gift. You're exactly the way you're supposed to be. You're amazing and all that. I'm not arguing any of that. I'm saying that there are documented issues that cannot be considered positive and can very much be considered negative. And they are developmental.
You know what? I can pass myself off as someone without ADHD. People can't tell by looking at me much of the time. You know, as long as I leave my name tag at home. But there are things that give me away. When I'm excited, it's hard for me to sit still. Well, it's actually hard for me to sit still when I'm bored too. Aw who am I kidding? It's often just hard for me to sit still. And sometimes I say things that could be deemed inappropriate. And sometimes I get distracted. And sometimes I do things that could be considered dangerous without thinking them through thoroughly.