Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, in a land far, far away, there lived a distracted little boy named Kelly. The year was 2009 and the Kelly, little boy, was 49 years old.
He ran from this thing to that, never finishing much and always starting new things. He was a happy and joyful little boy.
Then one day, Kelly found out that at 49 he should have grown up.
He decided to search the land for a way to grow up. He had tried a lot of things in the past and while it never occurred to him back than that he should be growing up, none of those things had caused him to grow up. So he just stroked them off the list. That meant that drinking alcohol hadn’t helped. Smoking pot hadn’t helped. Holding down three jobs at once also didn’t work, nor did not paying attention or climbing things or even the occasional tantrum thrown when all else failed, though in fairness, Kelly still threw tantrums because they were one of the things Kelly knew how to do really well.