Archives for ADHD
I keep thinking that being a school bus driver would be a perfect job for me. I don't mind getting up early. I'd have the end of my mornings and the beginning of my afternoons free, and I could still write, probably as much as I already do. And yet, I really do know better. The repetitive aspect of driving a bus would mean I'd become inattentive. I'd start to forget little things. Things like that it was Monday, or I'd leave my license and bright yellow vest at home. Next it would be where I was going. Eventually I'd forget to pick up kids or drop them off where they were going.
It is not untrue that most of the symptoms of ADHD are, for the most part, normal conditions associated with everyday life. They are the annoying things that happen, more often in the mind, that make one feel incapable, incompetent, or possibly foolish every now and then. The problem for ADHD is that these symptoms occur with such frequency and are often such spectacular examples that they have an ongoing and definitively negative effect on ones life. But there are other subtle commonalities that many of us share that are not considered symptoms because they are neither indicative, nor do they occur frequently enough.
In so many ways, ADHD is the disorder of "All or Nothing!" When we are on the ball and focused, we do it all. All the things we need to do get done. And that's a good thing? Right? Well, except for when we give people the impression that that is our standard operating procedure, our S.O.P. But when we go off the tracks with rampant symptom experiences we can just as easily get nothing done that was required of us. We might even, at that point, get all the wrong things done. A different kind of "all" that results in "nothing."
So. DNA. It's a thing, right? And it can be used to tell you where you came from. And lately I've been interested in that. I mean, I've been wondering where my ADHD came from. You see, it's highly heritable, so the odds of it having developed spontaneously in me are pretty unlikely. That means that one of my parents had it.
ADHD speaks? Ha, it's more like I never shut up, right? But then, in fairness, I've done a lot of research, and I have the advantage of being on the inside looking out. And it's true that I don't have the formal education I maybe should have to speak with such authority on this subject. But I am not unlearned. I've read a lot of work on this subject. And ...
I am a writer. Among other things, I write two blogs. I also contribute to another group blog on a regular basis. That amounts to an average of somewhere between ten and eleven posts a week. And I write other things that I've mentioned so often here I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about them. And I think I might have mentioned that I don't really get anything that resembles normal writer's block. I seem to have a knack for just sitting down and writing when I have to.
I have no idea what a “day off” actually is. I just realized that. Yes, I've had days off from jobs I've held. It's true. And I always looked forward to them. And now that I work mostly for myself, and especially now that I'm winding that work down, I've been declaring that this day or that one is a day off. But I really haven't got a clue what that could possibly mean. For one thing, these so called days off seem to be full of me doing all kinds of little things I'd set aside as being unimportant enough to take up time on work days.
Please don't ask me, I can't say no. Well, I can, but it hurts. I mean, it really hurts. I'm a retired contractor, retired as of three months ago. I've spent that time working on my own house. And that's helped me a lot. You see, when someone asked me to do something during that time, I could honestly say I was busy. But it still hurts. I hate saying no. It feels like I'm letting people down, and I don't deal with that well at all.
As a writer, I detest the phrase, “going forward” as a description of conditions under which certain actions will be appropriate. Why? Because it describes the one condition that will absolutely take place. “This will be our policy going forward.” Well, yes it will be. But “This will be our policy.” says exactly the same thing. But as an ADHD writer, I want to reclaim the phrase, “going forward,” and redefine it.
As a writer, I've never been plagued by writer's block. This makes me the envy of other writers I'm told. I suspect my ADHD has something to do with that. Give this mind of mine a topic or an idea and stand back. Parts may fly off, gears may slip and grind, but the engine never stalls. And that isn't to say that, given a topic, my mind will stay on track. Ask me to write about a tractor and you're liable to get a story about an entire farm. Or ask me for a general description of urban life and you might end up with a seven thousand word description of my favorite café. It's a gamble every time I open up the trunk and start pulling the words out.