“I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me. You have never seen the like of me before!”
“Spirit, conduct me where you will. I went forth last night on compulsion, and I learnt a lesson which is working now. To-night, if you have aught to teach me, let me profit by it.”
I’m sometimes haunted by the things I’ve done. They come to me in sudden flashes, leaving me embarrassed or gratified, but always amazed at my past oblivion. How did I not see the significance of them before?
And how am I able to see it now? There’s a great question. The answer is simple. Education. I see the significance of my past actions because, here in my present, I recognize the implication, the indication, and the instigation that is ADHD in my life.
Could that be my present to myself this year? Maybe, but I think it’s more of a stocking stuffer. A great one, granted, but still not a true gift, not one I could share. I’m always on the lookout for a gift I can give myself that I can also give others. Recognizing my symptoms and traits in my past is a great gift for me, but it doesn’t help others so much. Behaving well would be a great gift idea for others, but it’s not much of a gift for me (I see it as a lot of work and stress for me, kinda like having to sit still in my chair).
Yesterday, I talked about the painting that represented my past. And I talked about how ADHD was nothing more than the flaws in the canvas, paint and brush. Maybe that was enough of a gift, to recognize that. But in truth, I’m a little spoiled and I’m wanting more.
This then, is my Christmas gift to myself, to recognize the smallness of ADHD in a big way. Yes, the painting, the life we live, magnifies those ADHD flaws, yes they show up more clearly and larger than life when the paint of life is applied, but the flaws themselves are small.
And in fairness, without those tiny flaws I would not be the unique individual that I am, we would not be the unique individuals that we are.
So, the ghost of ADHD in our present lives is that we make the effects of ADHD huge. To be fair, we do that to examine them, to learn from them, or just to recognize them as a part of our ongoing drive toward self awareness.
But if we can make them huge, we can make them small. Today, Christmas 2012, I make those effects on my life … nothing. And I urge you to enjoy this fantasy as well. I will return to the oblivion I enjoyed as recently as three years ago. I will be a man without self awareness, a man without ADHD for Christmas. I will be just me, not my diagnosis, even if just for today.
Tomorrow, I’m sure those effects will be back, crowding in on me, but that’s tomorrow.
So deck the tree and trim the turkey and watch out for reindeer droppings …
and Merry Christmas, everyone, from your friendly neighborhood Man Of DistrAction, Kelly Babcock.
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Last reviewed: 24 Dec 2012