Having ADHD means I live in a fast, tumultuous current of high-speed thoughts. And that can mean not having time to gather my thoughts and contemplate them as a whole. You’ve maybe heard me talk about our lack of self awareness? Maybe? This is a big part of it, not being able to collect my thoughts, not being able to analyze them.
I try to do that at night. When I go to bed I think “What did you do today? What did you think about? What did you learn? What could you have learned?” And then, in answer to these questions, I respond: “ ….. zzzzzzzzzzzz ….”
Yes, I know, an anomaly. I’m supposed to have trouble sleeping. My mind whirling around should keep me awake for awhile, right? Sorry. We ADHDers weren’t cut out with a biscuit cutter. I lie awake tossing and turning for 15, sometimes 20 … seconds. Then I’m gone. I can’t help it.
I guess I should tell you that the biggest benefit of writing a blog is the thought I have to put into it. I get to examine my life, my mind, my thoughts. And I get to justify that contemplation as work.
This contemplation is basically enforced self awareness. This is a benefit I never expected when I took on the job of writing a blog. My first blog was started before I was fully cognizant of the extent of my ADHD. In fact, it was started before I felt comfortable talking about ADHD.
Dialogue is one of my most productive and powerful tools in my comprehension toolkit. And I intend to comprehend as much as I can about ADHD.
Now the problem is to get me to stop talking about ADHD. Actually, that’s not my problem, that problem is for others to solve. I’ve got fifty years of undiagnosed, unknown ADHD to figure out. Dialogue is one of my most productive and powerful tools in my comprehension toolkit. And I intend to comprehend as much as I can about ADHD.
I’m asked often if I think I’ve become obsessed with this disorder. And I have to say – yes. But I have no intention of changing my ways. I’m just as obsessed with breathing, eating, love, writing … this is my life. This is where I live.
And I hope that I can make a difference in my life by this pursuit of understanding. I also hope that I’m making a difference for others. So this blog has two important functions for me. First, it’s my justification for self analysis, and second, it’s my way of sharing what I find.
Recently, I’ve had comments and emails from readers that have led me to consider new thoughts regarding ADHD. People are sharing with me, and that’s better than okay. Keep the emails and comments coming, I can use all the input I get.
So, it turns out that, as diverse as we ADHDers are, ADHD is where a lot of us live. I’m glad you’re all my neighbors, I wouldn’t trade even one of you for a boat load of normans.
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Last reviewed: 2 Mar 2012