My psychologist tells me I need to work on my boundaries. She tells me that I may be too willing to give of myself to others. I see something that needs doing and I step into it. I told her (I think I told her … ) that’s the way I was raised (it is the way I was raised you know … ).
And anyway, she broke up with me last week. What does she know? Okay, she didn’t break up with me, we’re on a break. No, that still doesn’t sound right, she wants me to give life a try on my own, working without a net so to speak. And I know I can do it, it’s just a little harder.
I’m not sure if you, my dear reader, are aware of the fact that I use self dialogue to examine my life. I do. Apparently it’s an ADHD thing … though not all of us do it (or maybe not all of us admit to it?). I talk to myself plenty.
It’s easier to have a conversation if you’re not alone, so in that self dialogue I usually play several roles to facilitate talking to myself. Antagonist, protagonist, devils advocate, shocked bystander … you get the picture, right?
Talking with my psychologist, however, leaves the real me free from having to write scripts for these different characters. I get to be me, I get to say the lines that come naturally and leave the other parts for my psychologist to play.
One day I snuck a look in her waste basket that is conveniently tucked under the end table beside where the couch should be. It was brimming with used tissues.
“You’re good!” I said.
She laughed and said, “Oh yeah. I’m good alright. Sooner or later they all cry in my office.” I can’t offer any proof to the contrary, I’m afraid.
So if she’s good, why am I doubting her assessment of my boundary issues. I’ll tell you why. I’ve got a crystal ball. I’ve looked into it and I’ve seen the future. The future is … that I will never be rich. I don’t have the organizational wherewithal to amass personal wealth.
My friends are nearly all in the same boat as I. They will not be wealthy (sorry guys, that’s just the way I see it … ). We will not any of us be leading lives of leisure any time soon, if ever.
We start amazing projects, wonderful enterprises, and then our interest wanes. I try to stick to just the basics when it comes to my work, concentrate on what needs to be done, avoid the bling and glitter of alluring ideas for new projects. It’s my way to push against the ADHD tendencies.
In my private life, I let all restraint go. I will have as many hobbies as it takes to keep me sane and happy. As long as I can afford them that is. And one of my hobbies is helping my friends. And I get paid. A meal here, a hug there, an invitation to this or that, a conversation with someone, it all adds up. That’s my way to give in to my ADHD tendencies.
And I’ve found that when I wake up in the morning, if my first few thoughts are of my friends and not my finances, I’m probably going to have a good day.
So, thanks to my psychologist I’m watching my boundaries … and making damned sure that my friends are within those boundaries. My life is a comfortable place when I know they have my back. In fact, it’s a rich place, a wealthy place. And I saw that in my crystal ball too.
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Last reviewed: 19 Mar 2012